Taz
Member
Murphy's Love & Sex Laws
· All the good ones are taken.
· If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
· The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
· Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
· The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
· Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
· The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
· Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
· Nice guys (girls) finish last.
· If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
· Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
· The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
· Nothing improves with age.
· No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
· Sex has no calories.
· Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
· There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
· Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
· No sex with anyone in the same office.
· A man in the house is worth two in the street.
· If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
· Virginity can be cured.
· When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
· Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
· The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
· Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
· It is always the wrong time of month.
· The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
· When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
· Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
· Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
· The younger the better.
· The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
· It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
· Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
· There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
· Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
· Love is a hole in the heart.
· If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
· Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
· Do it only with the best.
· Sex is a three-letter word, which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
· One good turn gets most of the blankets.
· You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
· Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
· It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
· Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless in the mood.
· Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
· Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
· Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
· A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
· What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
· It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
· Never say no.
· A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
· Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
· Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
· Love comes in spurts.
· The world does not revolve on an axis.
· Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
· Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
· There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
· Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
· Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
· "This won't hurt, I promise."
· Nothing improves with age.
· An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".
· When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
· When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.
· It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
· Love and high-school must NEVER go together.
· Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
· It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex.
· You get the best sex from the worst one for you.
· Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed.
· No one is as fascinating as they think.
· If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't.
o Corollary: You will later find out that your lack of belief caused it to fail.
· The duration of a relationship to a person is inversely proportionate to he importance of person to you.
· The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.
· The two things no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damn fools over women.
· Love makes believers of us all.
o translation: Love obscures common sense.
· Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.
· All the good ones are taken.
· If the person isn't taken, there's a reason. (corr. to 1)
· The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
· Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
· The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
· Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
· The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
· Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
· Nice guys (girls) finish last.
· If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
· Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
· The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
· Nothing improves with age.
· No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
· Sex has no calories.
· Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
· There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
· Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
· No sex with anyone in the same office.
· A man in the house is worth two in the street.
· If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
· Virginity can be cured.
· When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
· Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
· The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
· Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
· It is always the wrong time of month.
· The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
· When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
· Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
· Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
· The younger the better.
· The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
· It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
· Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
· There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
· Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
· Love is a hole in the heart.
· If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
· Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
· Do it only with the best.
· Sex is a three-letter word, which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
· One good turn gets most of the blankets.
· You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
· Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
· It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
· Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless in the mood.
· Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
· Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
· Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
· A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
· What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
· It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
· Never say no.
· A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
· Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
· Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
· Love comes in spurts.
· The world does not revolve on an axis.
· Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
· Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
· There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
· Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
· Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
· "This won't hurt, I promise."
· Nothing improves with age.
· An ex-wife/husband will always be "till death do us part".
· When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
· When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.
· It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
· Love and high-school must NEVER go together.
· Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
· It doesn't matter HOW good it was, if you end up worrying or regretting it, it was bad sex.
· You get the best sex from the worst one for you.
· Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed.
· No one is as fascinating as they think.
· If you believe a relationship can't work, but feel the need to try, it won't.
o Corollary: You will later find out that your lack of belief caused it to fail.
· The duration of a relationship to a person is inversely proportionate to he importance of person to you.
· The Key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time.
· The two things no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damn fools over women.
· Love makes believers of us all.
o translation: Love obscures common sense.
· Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.
