Need your opinions

[rebeka]

We had a parenting disagreement that I'd like other opinions on.

We have a standing rule that the teenager's friends are out of the house at 10pm, our bedtime/quiet time. Last night was the first time that we had to enforce this rule on a weekend night. He is usually out of the house either working or taking advantage of his later curfew on the weekends. He wasn't pleased at having his movie interrupted and asked to take is friend (a girl) home earlier than expected.

argument #1: Since he didn't see this coming and didn't have a definite set of rules he shouldn't be made to suffer (especially not in front of the new friend). We should let him finish the movie and he'll know the rule for next time.

argument #2: Tough. He assumed that weekends were different all on his own. We don't stay up later on weekends vs. worknights. He's overdue for a lesson in taking things for granted and how you can't talk you way out of every rule you don't like. I want a quiet comfortable house when I'm in my PJs, without teenagers running around.

What do you think?

 

[RoseRed]

Did you call him aside to ask him to take her home or do it in front of the new friend? Did he lose track of time?

First offence, I would go with argument number one. Second offense, I'd go with number two. But that is just me and have quite a few years before my daughter turns into a teen.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by kwillia
First offense, I would of let them finish the movie. Explained the rules to them both after the fact. Enforced the rules I set from that point forward. However, I personally would consider bending the rules on Friday and Saturday nights. I would rather have my kid and his friends hang at my house than have him hanging elsewhere. In fact we are in the plans for an addition on the house and one of the rooms we plan to build is going to be a big "game room" so that my kids have a place to hang out with friends.

100%. I definitely would have let them continue watching the movie, and not embarassed him by surprising him w/the rules on a weekend night when he didn't see it coming. I don't think assuming that the rules would be different on a weekend was a bad assumption - his logic probably said, 'it IS the weekend and I'm allowed out later on Fri. and Sat., so why can't someone stay over later'? Also, they were quietly watching a movie, and not causing loudness. I'd rather have my young man on the couch watching a movie with a girl, as opposed to parked in the woods near Catt's Mom's house rockin' the ride!! That goes for all his friends, too - I'd rather have them at my house as opposed to out and about - and all of the little suckers can get used to seeing this MILF run around in her jammies.

Kwil - we're in the process of finishing the basement and it, too, will be a gamey room w/a big screen, etc... Since we don't have a family room area, that will be our 2nd area w/a t.v., etc...

 

[rebeka]

Originally posted by RoseRed
Did you call him aside to ask him to take her home or do it in front of the new friend? Did he lose track of time?

He *was* pulled aside and reminded gently. She was unaware of an issue until he returned to his bedroom were they were watching the movie.

 

[SmallTown]

And there are plentys of parents who would gladly let their kids have friends over later than 10 on a weekend night, as opposed to running the streets and doing God knows what. The rule in my house was that as long as it didn't keep the parents up, it wasn't a problem.

 

[rebeka]

Originally posted by PFgal
:I'd rather have my young man on the couch watching a movie with a girl...

I'd have rather had them on the couch, too, but that's a different issue. I'm not feeling too upset that these two were removed from his dark bedroom at 10pm. Too much privacy is not always a good thing, and I don't want to look like I'm condoning early sexual activities. But if they are going to do it, what the clock says, and location doesn't matter. Can't win!

 

[RoseRed]

Originally posted by rebeka
I'd have rather had them on the couch, too, but that's a different issue. I'm not feeling too upset that these two were removed from his dark bedroom at 10pm.

That makes a big difference! I would have interupted that too.

Like Kwillia, Smalltown and PFGal said, I would rather have them at home instead of running the streets. It sounds as if he is comfortable enough to have friends over, which is a good thing, rather than never bringing friends over. Perhaps on weekends 10pm could be 11pm as a compromise. :shrug:

 

[rebeka]

Originally posted by cariblue
How old is your son?

He is 17, and generally a good kid. No known liquor abuse, no smoking, drugs, and hangs with kids we like. We have never had a problem with him being out late, and he always calls when the curfew is closing in and he knows he won't make it home in time. I don't know how old his friend was (they all look illegal to me).

 

[Sharon]

At 17, I would've let them finish the movie.

When my son(s) has a girlfriend over and they are in the bedroom watching TV/whatever - the door has to be open.

 

[justhangn]

They were watching a movie, that should be pretty quiet and for the first offense, I'd let it ride this time.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by rebeka
She was unaware of an issue until he returned to his bedroom were they were watching the movie.

I'd NEVER allow my teen son to watch a movie in a dark bedroom w/the door closed with a girl....EVER!! I'd have gone to my room to watch television and let them have the common area - while I continued to peek out in the living room periodically...

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Sharon
At 17, I would've let them finish the movie.

When my son(s) has a girlfriend over and they are in the bedroom watching TV/whatever - the door has to be open.

Definitely!! Door open policy is best!

 

[Kain99]

I have to agree rebeka... You are strict with all the wrong rules!

 

[justhangn]

Considering some of the stuff I got away with...... I can wait for my kids to be teenagers.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by cariblue
It's no wonder some parents are so strict. You were horrible kids! Dang, I didn't do anything.

Yeah........I had a lot of fun.

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by justhangn
Yeah........I had a lot of fun.

Hence the real problem. You are the father of two and you still consider your ill behavior "fun".

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by Kain99
Hence the real problem. You are the father of two and you still consider your ill behavior "fun".

My ill behavior??

You're just jealous cause I ain't illing with you.......

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by justhangn
My ill behavior??

You're just jealous cause I ain't illing with you.......

Awww... Hush! I'm serious! I look back on those few things I got away with in horror! Terrified my kids will try the same thing. My memories have been tainted by the reality that I was stupid as cat shiat.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by Kain99
Awww... Hush! I'm serious! I look back on those few things I got away with in horror! Terrified my kids will try the same thing. My memories have been tainted by the reality that I was stupid as cat shiat.

I never did anything that wasn't plain fun to do and never did anything that would get people killed. :shrug:

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by justhangn
I never did anything that wasn't plain fun to do and never did anything that would get people killed. :shrug:

yeah, but are you sure there aren't a bunch of little JH's running around somewhere?