prettyinpink23
New Member
Hey everyone. Well, it's not too hard to tell that I'm the new girl here. I've been using somd.com to search the classifieds, and even place my own ads. I just decided to see who all was out there, and maybe find someone to talk to. I've been feeling more and more lately like that's what I need, and I think my family is getting tired of hearing me speaking! 
Kidding, but it would be nice to have an unbiased opinion in one's life every now and then.
So, here's me in a nutshell, I'm a 22 year old homemaker with a rowdy three year old son. We're living here in the house that we bought with Daddy (no we're not married). Due to some medical issues I left the working world to be a stay at home mom, and homemaker. Let me tell you, anyone whose ever said that the stay at homes have it easy, has never been a stay at home. I cherish the time that I get to spend with my son, and I realize that not everyone has the oppurtunity to be able to spend so much time with their children, especially at this age. But, as much as it has it's rewards, it has it's costs. Not just money, that's really a nonissue here, more so the relationship we've built for the past many years, my own sanity and sense of self, my freedom to take a shower without an intrusion. Things one may not consider initially when they choose to be a stay at home parent. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I were able to have use of my car, but my brother who has no car, is driving mine to and from work. Maybe I could even deal with that, I mean he can only work so much right? But, I'm confined. When I drive, I hit invisible walls, walls that won't let me pass, walls that pull my world in right around me, and limit my existence. You see, I have panic disorder, and my trigger is being in a car, driving or riding. I can only go so far before I panic. Not that I haven't taken steps to be able to get as far as I can now, especially when you consider that just four months ago I couldn't even think about getting in a car, or I would panic. Now I can go to McKays and the Family Dollar (about 15 or so minutes from my house), and have been able to get down to wal-mart in california twice now without event (about 20 - 25 mintues from my house). I've even been able to drive someone else other than my son with me, granted it was once so far, but it was great. We went to Rita's and my boyfriend bought me a Misto (yum!) But, I can't drive but 5 miles at night, it terrifies me. I don't know what brought this on, well, I was diagnosed with panic disorder seven years ago, and was on meds then, and was allowed to come off. I should have been more careful, I know now that I should have seen the signs again. I can go back as far as a year and know now that it was threatening to shake my world again. But, I don't know what triggered it again, and it really really sucks.
More than that, it seems to have lent a hand in the crumbling of what once was a steady, loving and fulfilling relationship. It's hard to help people understand what my problem is, hard to really give them a glimpse inside of my head to see how hard it is for me to do something as simple as going out is to accomplish. So, I've seen first hand that when you don't understand something, it's just much easier to be angry and full of blame than it is to try to understand, or to go beyong needing to understand and supporting the loved one with the issue. It seems that as a society, over the years we've lost sight of what really truly matters, and have placed trivial aspects above all else. We were growing up (and still are maybe) while this was taking place, and no matter how much we try to instill in ourselves, and our son the things that should be important in one's life, the things that should really have cause for impact, it's become hard to do. It's difficult to teach someone else to say please and thank you, when you know that if you're to tell the lady at the cash register in the store thank you, she'll look as though you've just told her she won the lottery. Know what I mean?
I suppose I won't continue the dissection of my life right now, but that was me in a rather large nutshell. Hope to talk to someone nice, meet new minds. Have something for myself!!!
Kidding, but it would be nice to have an unbiased opinion in one's life every now and then. So, here's me in a nutshell, I'm a 22 year old homemaker with a rowdy three year old son. We're living here in the house that we bought with Daddy (no we're not married). Due to some medical issues I left the working world to be a stay at home mom, and homemaker. Let me tell you, anyone whose ever said that the stay at homes have it easy, has never been a stay at home. I cherish the time that I get to spend with my son, and I realize that not everyone has the oppurtunity to be able to spend so much time with their children, especially at this age. But, as much as it has it's rewards, it has it's costs. Not just money, that's really a nonissue here, more so the relationship we've built for the past many years, my own sanity and sense of self, my freedom to take a shower without an intrusion. Things one may not consider initially when they choose to be a stay at home parent. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I were able to have use of my car, but my brother who has no car, is driving mine to and from work. Maybe I could even deal with that, I mean he can only work so much right? But, I'm confined. When I drive, I hit invisible walls, walls that won't let me pass, walls that pull my world in right around me, and limit my existence. You see, I have panic disorder, and my trigger is being in a car, driving or riding. I can only go so far before I panic. Not that I haven't taken steps to be able to get as far as I can now, especially when you consider that just four months ago I couldn't even think about getting in a car, or I would panic. Now I can go to McKays and the Family Dollar (about 15 or so minutes from my house), and have been able to get down to wal-mart in california twice now without event (about 20 - 25 mintues from my house). I've even been able to drive someone else other than my son with me, granted it was once so far, but it was great. We went to Rita's and my boyfriend bought me a Misto (yum!) But, I can't drive but 5 miles at night, it terrifies me. I don't know what brought this on, well, I was diagnosed with panic disorder seven years ago, and was on meds then, and was allowed to come off. I should have been more careful, I know now that I should have seen the signs again. I can go back as far as a year and know now that it was threatening to shake my world again. But, I don't know what triggered it again, and it really really sucks.
More than that, it seems to have lent a hand in the crumbling of what once was a steady, loving and fulfilling relationship. It's hard to help people understand what my problem is, hard to really give them a glimpse inside of my head to see how hard it is for me to do something as simple as going out is to accomplish. So, I've seen first hand that when you don't understand something, it's just much easier to be angry and full of blame than it is to try to understand, or to go beyong needing to understand and supporting the loved one with the issue. It seems that as a society, over the years we've lost sight of what really truly matters, and have placed trivial aspects above all else. We were growing up (and still are maybe) while this was taking place, and no matter how much we try to instill in ourselves, and our son the things that should be important in one's life, the things that should really have cause for impact, it's become hard to do. It's difficult to teach someone else to say please and thank you, when you know that if you're to tell the lady at the cash register in the store thank you, she'll look as though you've just told her she won the lottery. Know what I mean?
I suppose I won't continue the dissection of my life right now, but that was me in a rather large nutshell. Hope to talk to someone nice, meet new minds. Have something for myself!!!
She really limited her driving and she made sure all her trips were mapped out as to where she was going, so she never had to back track and she took the simple routes everywhere. It is hard for others to understand; it was hard for me to understand growing up. Anyway, welcome 
