K
KaZamm1061
Guest
Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have
conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the
following topics, these facts have emerged:
RELATIONSHIPS:
First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he
refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a
semi-regular basis.
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out
to the girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are
Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
break at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just
want you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you,
and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know
there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love
You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.
There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this
need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.
SEX:
Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.
Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back
to her place as part of the foreplay.
MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.
Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and
giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
romances rarely work out.
HATS:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.
COMEDY:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching
television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately,
the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even
try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge.
The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's"
with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their
"p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even
when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
BATHROOMS:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the
Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
MAGAZINES:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is
because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body
is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things.
A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a
lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He
buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on The
Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to
the10-items-or-less lane.
GOING OUT:
When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.
When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL
be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes
putting on her makeup...
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her
dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet
are under her desk.
A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.
LEG WARMERS:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or
doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any
time she wants.
A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the
"Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."
CATS:
Women love cats.
conculsive proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the
following topics, these facts have emerged:
RELATIONSHIPS:
First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he
refers to it as "that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a
semi-regular basis.
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out
to the girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are
Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the
break at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say "I just
want you to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you,
and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know
there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love
You" drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once.
There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this
need; alas these classes rarely prove effective.
SEX:
Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay.
Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back
to her place as part of the foreplay.
MATURITY:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can
function as adults.
Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and
giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school
romances rarely work out.
HATS:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.
COMEDY:
Let's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching
television, and an episode of "The Three Stooges" comes on. Immediately,
the men will get very excited - they will laugh uproariously, and even
try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite Stooge.
The women will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out.
HANDWRITING:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just
chicken-scratch.
Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's"
with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their
"p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even
when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.
BATHROOMS:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush,
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the
Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is
437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
MAGAZINES:
Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is
because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body
is hairy and lumpy and should not be seen by the light of day.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the
store and buys these things.
A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half of a
lemon, and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He
buys everything that looks good. By the time he reaches the checkout
counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on The
Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to
the10-items-or-less lane.
GOING OUT:
When a man says he's ready to go out, it means he's ready to go out.
When a woman says she's ready to go out, it means that she WILL
be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes
putting on her makeup...
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When she arrives at work, she will put on her
dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet
are under her desk.
A man wears one pair of shoes for the entire day.
LEG WARMERS:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or
doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any
time she wants.
A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the
"Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line."
CATS:
Women love cats.
