Paddy at the Pub

[KingFish]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most
of the night celebrating Ireland's draw with Germany. Mick, the
bartender says,

"You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy".

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on
his face.

"####e" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on
his face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if
he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He
belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He
sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He
falls flat on his face.

"I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few
doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door
frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way". He
crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it
to the bed." He takes step into the room and falls flat on his
face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jessie, comes into the room carrying
a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to
drink last night?".

Paddy says, "I did Jessie. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you
know?"

"Mick called....You left your wheelchair at the pub again."