It was the last straw. The President has finally ended our long national slurping nightmare. Yesterday, the BBC ran a terrific story headlined, “Donald Trump signs order shifting U.S. back towards plastic straws.” At the very end of its article, the BBC admitted that “studies have shown that paper straws contain significant amounts of ‘forever chemicals’ such as polyfluoroalkyl substances, or PFAS.” In other words, they don’t drink and also they’re killing you. Thanks, Democrats.
As he signed the new order, the President observed, “These things don't work. I've had them many times, and on occasion, they break, they explode. If something's hot, they don't last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds. It's a ridiculous situation.”
It might seem trivial and ridiculous, but the paper straw is the perfect metaphor for progressive policymaking: a fabulously expensive, grandstanding effort to save the turtles that not only failed at its intended purpose but actively made things worse. Paper straws were supposed to be the virtuous alternative, but instead, they disintegrate mid-slurp and poison you with forever chemicals. Meanwhile, plastic straws—vilified and nearly outlawed—are now returning triumphantly, not because of any deep ideological shift, but for the simple and practical reason that they work.
This ridiculous drinking mandate was the straw that broke virtue-signaling's back.
In the textbook of unintended consequences, the straw saga will have its own chapter. Instead of just being a ‘minor inconvenience,’ the paper straw mandate spawned a virtue-signaling industry of reusable metal and silicone straws, adding one more damned thing to citizens’ daily routines, and practically ensured an argument with the exhausted waitress every time you went out to eat.
Trump’s decision to bring back plastic straws was more than just a rollback of a failed progressive policy—it was a beacon of common sense in government. The President of the United States should not be spending time on straws; he should be freed to focus on stopping World War Three. Yet here we are. And even more delicious, while the left is surely fuming about it, of the many articles mocking Trump’s straw order, not one of them included a named quote from anyone attempting to defend the porous alternative.
If there is a better example of how leftists always make things worse, I don’t know what could beat the PFAS-poisoned paper straw. Goodbye, poison straws, and take the Gulf of Mexico with you.
www.coffeeandcovid.com
As he signed the new order, the President observed, “These things don't work. I've had them many times, and on occasion, they break, they explode. If something's hot, they don't last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds. It's a ridiculous situation.”
It might seem trivial and ridiculous, but the paper straw is the perfect metaphor for progressive policymaking: a fabulously expensive, grandstanding effort to save the turtles that not only failed at its intended purpose but actively made things worse. Paper straws were supposed to be the virtuous alternative, but instead, they disintegrate mid-slurp and poison you with forever chemicals. Meanwhile, plastic straws—vilified and nearly outlawed—are now returning triumphantly, not because of any deep ideological shift, but for the simple and practical reason that they work.
This ridiculous drinking mandate was the straw that broke virtue-signaling's back.
In the textbook of unintended consequences, the straw saga will have its own chapter. Instead of just being a ‘minor inconvenience,’ the paper straw mandate spawned a virtue-signaling industry of reusable metal and silicone straws, adding one more damned thing to citizens’ daily routines, and practically ensured an argument with the exhausted waitress every time you went out to eat.
Trump’s decision to bring back plastic straws was more than just a rollback of a failed progressive policy—it was a beacon of common sense in government. The President of the United States should not be spending time on straws; he should be freed to focus on stopping World War Three. Yet here we are. And even more delicious, while the left is surely fuming about it, of the many articles mocking Trump’s straw order, not one of them included a named quote from anyone attempting to defend the porous alternative.
If there is a better example of how leftists always make things worse, I don’t know what could beat the PFAS-poisoned paper straw. Goodbye, poison straws, and take the Gulf of Mexico with you.
☕️ HEIL SLURPY ☙ Tuesday, February 11, 2025 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠
Gulf of Mexico fades into history; Google de-wokes times and seasons; libs liken NIH to Third Reich; analysis of the slew of lefty legal injunctions against DOGE; performative slurping is over; more.
www.coffeeandcovid.com
