Pay or not pay........

[poster]

....this weekend the kid helped her dad in the garage. This was a project, not a chore. It was very obvious that she did it to be busy (rainy day) and was enjoying the attention as was he. All was finished and both were proud of the work done, had to have mom come out and look. Before bed dad gave her $5 for helping, told her he enjoyed their time and thank you. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want him to feel bad in his choice of reward but this bothers me. I think it's wonderful that they enjoyed one another's company and said so but I didn't like that he paid her. I don't want her to think she's deserving for lending a hand.

Last week her cousin was over and he literally said, "I'll do it for a $1." I remember being put off by that. I don't remember what was asked of him but I don't want to encourage that type of attitude in our daughter.

Agree/Disagree?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

My opinion: no big deal. :shrug:

 

[Beelzebaby666]

....this weekend the kid helped her dad in the garage. It was very obvious that she did it to be busy (rainy day) and was enjoying the attention as was he. All was finished and both were proud of the work done, had to have mom come out and look. Before bed dad gave her $5 for helping, told her he enjoyed their time and thank you. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want him to feel bad in his choice of reward but this bothers me. I think it's wonderful that they enjoyed one another's company and said so but I didn't like that he paid her. I don't want her to think she's deserving for lending a hand.

Last week her cousin was over and he literally said, "I'll do it for a $1." I remember being put off by that. I don't remember what was asked of him but I don't want to encourage that type of attitude in our daughter.

Agree/Disagree?

If they expect it, forget it.


I don't think kids need money, childhood is an all inclusive package

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I don't think kids need money, childhood is an all inclusive package

Does this mean you hand everything to them?

 

[itsbob]

I think it was cool for dad to think of it.

The thought being, the daughter didn't go into it or do it for the money, but the money is a nice recognition for doing something good. He's not paying her for being with him, he's paying her for good work.. and isn't that we all expect? Getting rewarded for good work?

Kids always need spending money for SOMEthing. Better for them to feel they did somehthing to deserve rather it just be given to them.

 

[poster]

If they expect it, forget it.


I don't think kids need money, childhood is an all inclusive package

But if they're not expecting it and it's given, how long before they're conditioned too expect payment for being nice? Don't pay them as you have in the past, then you're not fair, you've changed the rules.

Now at this point have you raised a deserving brat or a sincere kid?

 

[poster]

I think it was cool for dad to think of it.

The thought being, the daughter didn't go into it or do it for the money, but the money is a nice recognition for doing something good. He's not paying her for being with him, he's paying her for good work.. and isn't that we all expect? Getting rewarded for good work?
Kids always need spending money for SOMEthing. Better for them to feel they did somehthing to deserve rather it just be given to them.

I agree, I'm glad her gave her the recognition. But why does the reward need to monetary? Can't it just be the quality time, verbal praise and feeling of accomplishment. That should be more important, shouldn't it?

 

[chemommy25]

I agree, I'm glad her gave her the recognition. But why does the reward need to monetary? Can't it just be the quality time, verbal praise and feeling of accomplishment. That should be more important, shouldn't it?

Because what she did was a project, not a chore.

 

[sommpd]

....this weekend the kid helped her dad in the garage. This was a project, not a chore. It was very obvious that she did it to be busy (rainy day) and was enjoying the attention as was he. All was finished and both were proud of the work done, had to have mom come out and look. Before bed dad gave her $5 for helping, told her he enjoyed their time and thank you. I didn't say anything to him because I didn't want him to feel bad in his choice of reward but this bothers me. I think it's wonderful that they enjoyed one another's company and said so but I didn't like that he paid her. I don't want her to think she's deserving for lending a hand.

Last week her cousin was over and he literally said, "I'll do it for a $1." I remember being put off by that. I don't remember what was asked of him but I don't want to encourage that type of attitude in our daughter.

Agree/Disagree?

I'd pay. It's always good to give your kid an unexpected reward. My opinion anyway.

 

[White Buddah]

Don't pay them as you have in the past, then you're not fair, you've changed the rules.

Yet another "Life's lessons to be learned". It's win win. She'll understand when she gets older.

 

[watercolor]

But if they're not expecting it and it's given, how long before they're conditioned too expect payment for being nice? Don't pay them as you have in the past, then you're not fair, you've changed the rules.

Now at this point have you raised a deserving brat or a sincere kid?

You have to be the one to make them aware that they will not get paid for every "deed" they do. Ya know? Its your responsibility to make it clear that rewards are not a given everytime. That sometimes nice things are given in return with a little extra- but its not a mandetory.

It all boils down to what you teach. It is all a learning experience, and you have a chance now to make something of it. Im not saying bombard her with "your dad gave you 5 bucks, now dont go thinking this is going to happen everytime" but more so, just use the opportunity to say "Im glad you had a good time with dad yesterday, and it was awful nice of him to give you that 5 dollars." and then deal with it as her response, but make sure to say something to the effect of the rewards you feel of pride and in your heart is much better than anything that is money based.

Besides- obviously (from what I am getting from you), this doesnt happen all the time, and this is just something that he felt he needed to reward his daughter with. Something that was between them.

 

[itsbob]

But if they're not expecting it and it's given, how long before they're conditioned too expect payment for being nice? Don't pay them as you have in the past, then you're not fair, you've changed the rules.

Now at this point have you raised a deserving brat or a sincere kid?

I understand what you are saying, and do agree, but i don't see anything wrong with what he did either. I HOPE this instills the thought in your daughter the value of hard work, and gives her the idea of the value of a dollar. The same time you wish that she doesn't always expect a pay off for helping around the house.

From what you describe, and if it's anything like my garage, you're talking a LOT of hard work, not like she just took out the garbage. That would be worthy of a little extra sumpin..

 

[poster]

Because what she did was a project, not a chore.

Had it been a chore I believe in giving her money for her hard work. Or even if he had asked for her help. I guess what I'm getting at is when do you decide it's "work" or "generosity" and how do you reward for each. I wouldn't want to be paid for being generous and I don't want her to expect payment for it either.

 

[watercolor]

Had it been a chore I believe in giving her money for her hard work. Or even if he had asked for her help. I guess what I'm getting at is when do you decide it's "work" or "generosity" and how do you reward for each. I wouldn't want to be paid for being generous and I don't want her to expect payment for it either.

Case by case basis, one day at a time.

 

[itsbob]

I'd pay. It's always good to give your kid an unexpected reward. My opinion anyway.

hard work needs to be rewarded.. even if it's just an ice cream cone from the island.. or $5..

 

[watercolor]

hard work needs to be rewarded.. even if it's just an ice cream cone from the island.. or $5..

 

[chemommy25]

Had it been a chore I believe in giving her money for her hard work. Or even if he had asked for her help. I guess what I'm getting at is when do you decide it's "work" or "generosity" and how do you reward for each. I wouldn't want to be paid for being generous and I don't want her to expect payment for it either.

Because it is not something she does everyday. I would'nt pay her for making her bed and helping with the dishes. Those are what I call chores. Those are things that need to be done everyday. But when she wanted to help her dad without being asked, a monetary reward is good. Five dollars is not that big of a deal in exchange for a child being generous.

If I were to offer to help somebody do some yard work and at the end of the day they handed me a couple bucks, I would'nt be suprised. And I would'nt expect the next time I did somebody a favor for them to pay me either. I guess what I am trying to say is a reward for generosity is a good thing, but be sure to let her know that she will not always get paid for being generous.

 

[thurley42]

I understand what you are saying, and do agree, but i don't see anything wrong with what he did either. I HOPE this instills the thought in your daughter the value of hard work, and gives her the idea of the value of a dollar. The same time you wish that she doesn't always expect a pay off for helping around the house.

From what you describe, and if it's anything like my garage, you're talking a LOT of hard work, not like she just took out the garbage. That would be worthy of a little extra sumpin..

she's just a little kid...no sense in depressing her already

 

[Cowgirl]

I would'nt pay her for making her bed and helping with the dishes. Those are what I call chores. Those are things that need to be done everyday.

Ok, I agree with this. I'm not going to give an allowance for things that need to be done every day. Doing chores (cleaning room, bathroom, sweeping/vacumning, ect) is part of being a family. Kids need to do their share of the work around the house. If there are extra projects, then I'm fine with paying them something for doing that. Kids love "earning" their money.

 

[itsbob]

How about report cards??

I had a problem with ALL my kids and their grades. No amount of yelling threatening etc.. did the trick.. All but ONE of my kids always had issues.

Finally I decided to try money.. and it worked!! Now they not only have good grades (not a SINGLE failing grade since implementation) but actually pay attention to how they are doing during the semester and plan ahead to how much they are going to make, and figure out what they need to do before grades come out to score even more money.

And it's not a lot of money, just enough for them to buy something for themselves without getting harassed by mom and dad. For example: We do NOT like buying video games for our middle boy, but if he earns if on the report card money, he can buy any video game he wants (within reason) without any 'NO!' from us.

Costs are minimal to me.. but mean a LOT to them

A = $10
B= $5
C=0
D= -$5 (they now owe Dad)
E/F = -$10

they have NEVER had to pay me..