Playing hard to get: Venus and Mars

[vraiblonde]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

 

[PJumper]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

Men likes challenge, unless they are just looking for casual one-night stands. You can show interest in a man, just not throw yourself at him. The flirting part as far as I'm concerned heigthens the intensity of the actual act.

 

[slotpuppy]

Batteries are a girls best friend.

 

[struggler44]

For some of us; it's not the kill, it's the thrill of the chase

 

[b23hqb]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

We had an interesting twist on your "uninterested/disinterested/interested" some years ago on the workroom floor of my former agency that turned into a sexual harassment charge by the uninterested who suddenly became interested:

A really nice, good looking guy everybody liked asked a girl out a number of times, her refusing every time. So he stopped asking her out, and just stayed away from her except in official capacities, just to accommodate her and avoid any embarrassing situations.

Well, he stayed away from her so much she became offended by his disinterest and filed a sexual harassment against him because he was not speaking to her because she was a woman. That was the official complaint in her charge.

This case actually, quite unbelievably, went up the process ladder a bit until we (I was a union steward sitting in on the case) got it completely tossed out, which was upheld in the appeal process.

Quite ridiculous for it to get beyond the initial hearing in the first place.

I guess the old saying is true: "Hell hath no fury like a woman ignored".

 

[RoseRed]

I guess the old saying is true: "Hell hath no fury like a woman ignored".

She sounds like she's pretty stuck on herself. Glad it was thrown out.

 

[Monello]

Bad timing, happens all the time.

Oh and I didn't call you THAT many times, sheesh.

 

[ZARA]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

That has happened to me once. Know what I did? I tokd the guy, and I quote, word for word, "Hey, easy come, easy go. Good Luck." And never spoke to him again.

 

[Vince]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

If he's not interested and you become disinterested.... now all of a sudden he's interested again and starts calling......your first instinct was correct. Get rid of him and move on and don't look back again. Done. Finished. Over.

 

[Railroad]

I'm not looking for dating advice because I'm solid with regard to my position on this. But:

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it. Yes, there are exceptions but that is pretty much the rule.

Yet women are predisposed to nurturing, and that includes men they are romantically interested in. I know with me, if I'm blowing you off and not giving you attention that means I'm not interested. And once I'm not (or no longer) interested, that's it - game over.

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

I'm new to the dating thing, so I guess my experience is entirely too limited from a statistical point of view. But I never play games. I keep in touch and let her know what's happening. I don't let the thing cool off unless we both think it's a good idea. And if she's done, she tells me and I'm GONE.

 

[Railroad]

Men likes challenge, unless they are just looking for casual one-night stands. You can show interest in a man, just not throw yourself at him. The flirting part as far as I'm concerned heigthens the intensity of the actual act.

I guess I'm different. I don't want the "challenge." I just want the date, or if appropriate, the relationship. To put it in a less polite way, I prefer to cut the crap and get down to cases.

 

[czygvtwkr]

What the hell is with the women that are not interested in a guy until another woman is?

 

[vraiblonde]

What the hell is with the women that are not interested in a guy until another woman is?

I don't get that either. Typically I'm thrilled that his attention has been diverted, or even thrilled that he's found a relationship and is happy. If I'm uninterested there's not a lot that will catch my attention. But I do know women who are like that.

 

[Railroad]

I don't get that either. Typically I'm thrilled that his attention has been diverted, or even thrilled that he's found a relationship and is happy. If I'm uninterested there's not a lot that will catch my attention. But I do know women who are like that.

Me too.

 

[Larry Gude]

So here comes the guy who wasn't interested, until *she* became disinterested, and now he's suddenly interested. How does that work? I've had this happen to me a number of times: I like him, he isn't interested, I shrug and move on, he starts blowing up my phone. Or he likes me, I'm not interested, he doesn't move on, instead he blows up my phone until I'm forced to be rude. A few times it's been that we like each other, he starts getting lazy with the courting, I lose interest, he tries to woo me back, but too late because it's over as far as I'm concerned.

The whole thing just seems so stupid. Heterosexuality: God's little joke.

It has nothing to do with heterosexuality. Any guy who is not interested until you are not interested is a closet homosexual with an enormous fear of women and commitment and massive insecurities with his self in terms of what he actually wants and what he'd do with it if he actually got it as well as some sort of messed up attraction to rejection; Groucho Marx Complex. He doesn't want anything to do with a woman who'd want anything to do with him. Or, he lost some bet he has to make good on.

I can see this guy now 50 years later, grandkid on his knee, and kid says "grandpa, how'd you meet grandma?"

"Well, boy, here's what happened. You see, grandma wasn't interested until your grampy turned on the 'ol Lebowitz charm and convinced her that, sooner or later, she'd be crazy about me. And, all these years later, now that I think about it, I'm still working on it. Huh. Well, that's enough with the questions, son. Wanna go play some catch?"

"N'ah. No thanks, gramps."


"No, seriously! Come on! It will be great! You'll see!"

 

[GURPS]

It is commonly accepted that men like to chase, and call women who do the chasing "cling-ons" or some other derogatory name indicating that they don't like it.

2 different items ....

1) a woman asks a guy out - great to be asked out for a change [usually followed by Gee I didn't know you were interested]

2) a women you find out after the 1st date is one that calls you 10 times a day, wants to what you are doing and who you are doing it with - ya know the insecure / needy type - that would be the kilng-on ....

 

[vraiblonde]

2) a women you find out after the 1st date is one that calls you 10 times a day, wants to what you are doing and who you are doing it with - ya know the insecure / needy type - that would be the kilng-on ....

Mmm, I've heard men disparage a woman if she calls once. A guy pal of mine was bent that the woman he had spent all day on the boat with (his boat, he invited her, it was just the two of them) and then taken to the Pier for drinks and dinner had the audacity to ASSume she was his date and take offense at him trolling other women. "WTF is wrong with that loon, trying to ****block me???"

Now it's possible that it's just the douchebags I hang out with but there seem to be an awful awful lot of them.

 

[GURPS]

Mmm, I've heard men disparage a woman if she calls once. A guy pal of mine was bent that the woman he had spent all day on the boat with (his boat, he invited her, it was just the two of them) and then taken to the Pier for drinks and dinner had the audacity to ASSume she was his date and take offense at him trolling other women. "WTF is wrong with that loon, trying to ****block me???"

Now it's possible that it's just the douchebags I hang out with but there seem to be an awful awful lot of them.

hmm ... tough call ... I guess it all depends on motivation ...
... I probably would have called dinner a 'date' as well ... probably not the boating in the afternoon, that is more like 'hanging out' ...
... if you spend that much time together in one day it is something ....

I guess if I was expecting to jettison the chick I hung out with all day, and pick something else up for the evenings activities ... I would call her a #### blocker ....

I am still not sure I would have called that Clingy ....
unclear ground rules .... :shrug:




...

 

[PJumper]

What the hell is with the women that are not interested in a guy until another woman is?

Girlie competition!

 

[vraiblonde]

... if you spend that much time together in one day it is something ....

That was my take but he seriously didn't understand why she might have gotten the idea that he had romantic intent. And he's a decent enough friend that he'd have told me if he was dicking her around.

So yeah... guys are weird.