Psalm 13 Lord !?!

[seekeroftruth]

Psalm 13:[a]1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?​

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3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.​

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5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.​

a. Psalm 13:1 In Hebrew texts 13:1-6 is numbered 13:2-6.​

David could make his words pretty..... these verses remind me of a horrible night in my life. I wanted to die and I wanted God to tell me just why I had to be in a spot where I wanted to die. I wanted to die but I didn't want to commit suicide.... because then I would have tried to be smarter than God.... so I told God I wanted to die.... I told God I was angry and I needed Him to explain Himself to me. I told God to show me why I had to live through that horrible night and continue when I wanted so desperately to stop.... just stop. I told God I wanted Him to show me... in a dream... why I had to live.... and He did.

I didn't remember the dream the next morning.... but I knew God was in control and that everything would eventually be ok.... eventually = God's time.... Still... I felt horrible inside..... secure, safe, loved.... but horrible.... I had nothing to look forward to..... things had happened that left me totally alone with no plan for the future.... only me and God.... so I asked God to show me again.... only this time... let me remember a sliver.... just a sliver... something to hold on to while God was working His plan.... because I knew there was some kind of plan.... just a sliver..... that's what I asked for.... and I reminded God what a stupid human I am..... and He did.

David needs God to show David a sliver..... just a sliver.

This is from the enduringword.com site.

Forget… Hide Your face: Of course, God did not forget David. God did not hide His face from David – but David felt like it. When we have such strong feelings then the feelings create their own reality. David felt God had forgotten him, and felt God was hiding. So, in a sense, it was true for David – but true according to feelings, not according to fact. ​

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David felt totally alone. David thought he was the only one in his boat. David was sure he had somehow done something that left him without God's help.

I have things in my past that I've asked forgiveness for.... but I just have a really hard time believing God is willing to forgive them.... I know God "can" forgive them.... but I just feel like these things from my past are just so bad.... that I just have a hard time believing I could unpack them in front of God. David had crap like that in his life. The affair with Bathsheba, the murder of Uriah on the front lines, the death of Bathsheba's baby boy..... were these horrible things putting a metaphorical curtain between David and his God?

That's what sin does.... it leaves me feeling like I'm not good enough to ask for God's help.... who am I to ask [let alone demand] anything of the creator of the Universe? Jesus said I have been adopted and God is my father.

So on that night.... when I got myself in that horrible spot.... when I wanted to die and I knew I wouldn't.... just what did I have to loose????? I talked to God.... and I told God I needed Him tell me why I had to go on.....to give me some kind of sign... and then when that worked I went back and asked Him to let me remember a sliver.... and He did. My Heavenly Father helped me out.