Question about parenting

[kris31280]

Ain't my problem. They can fly to Cali, get married and fly back. I still abide by the "my house my rules" concept and showing respect to your parents.

I don't disagree it should be "My house my rules", was just stating a flaw in said rule of marriage.

My parents have never had a problem with unmarried couples sleeping in the same bed. Heck, my aunt and uncle actually gave my ex and I their bed when we went to visit for Christmas right after getting engaged.

 

[bohman]

I love the politics in this thread. "It's the economy, stupid" Even the homophobic people are FAR more worried about 20-somethings mooching off their parents, failing to pay rent, than any sexuality issues.

 

[poster]

he would not be able to sleep with anyone in my home unless they were married - regardless....

There is your answer.....your house, your rules.

I have a similar situation, divorcing male and new girlfriend want to stay the night at our place. We have a 9yr old girl. Sorry, but house rules are NO ONE that's unmarried sleep together and I've made it clear to my daughter that it's wrong he's dating/seeing anyone till he's divorced.

 

[Beth_kennedy]

There is your answer.....your house, your rules.

I have a similar situation, divorcing male and new girlfriend want to stay the night at our place. We have a 9yr old girl. Sorry, but house rules are NO ONE that's unmarried sleep together and I've made it clear to my daughter that it's wrong he's dating/seeing anyone till he's divorced.

I don't care if people who are not married sleep together, if they are visiting and staying overnight...ok...but I am not having some 20+ couple living in my house.

What I mean by that is....if a couple who has been together (not some one night hook up) comes for a visit, and needed a place for the night before they head back, sure. Gay or not... I don't have anything against couples that are not married, I would not hide that from my kids, they see it everyday.

 

[jetmonkey]

At this point I just assume everything that has ever happened to you has been totally gay

I'm not even sure how you got knocked up

Two questions, and I know one of them has been brought up before.

1. Would you have allowed it to happen if it was a heterosexual relationship and not a homosexual relationship?

2. Why do they need to live with anyone? What's the reasoning for not being able to have their own place? If it's just temporary until they get on their feet, that's one thing... if it's a permanent thing, that's a whole other story.

As for keeping your 7 year old from it, that's your call... my son was exposed to a gay man at the very moment of his birth, in fact the same gay man was the one who held him first and brought him to my chest, gave him his first bath, and spent the 5 days/4 nights with me in the hospital (seriously ladies, how many husbands spend all 5 days/4 nights in the hospital with you?!?) Do I fear he'll be gay or somehow be tainted by this contact? Not at all. My friends, gay or straight, are my friends for a reason and as such they are allowed to be around my child as they are, not putting on some dog and pony show simply because they're outside the social norm.

 

[jetmonkey]

Werd

It would be a cold day in hell when an unrelated 26 year old would be camping out at my house and mooching off me.

 

[poster]

I don't care if people who are not married sleep together, if they are visiting and staying overnight...ok...but I am not having some 20+ couple living in my house.

What I mean by that is....if a couple who has been together (not some one night hook up) comes for a visit, and needed a place for the night before they head back, sure. Gay or not... I don't have anything against couples that are not married, I would not hide that from my kids, they see it everyday.

I see your point and would be willing to bend the rules on this, not everyone gets married. I guess I'd have to come up with an age that I'd be ok with accepting (if it was my daughter) and use that, say 25yrs old. I'd have to think about when I'd be ok with it.

However his not divorced but wants to sleep with his new girlfriend - no. I can't let that go on in my house, we're teaching her to break-up, closure and then move on. If they don't understand then they can go get a room somewhere else.

 

[Beth_kennedy]

I see your point and would be willing to bend the rules on this, not everyone gets married. I guess I'd have to come up with an age that I'd be ok with accepting (if it was my daughter) and use that, say 25yrs old. I'd have to think about when I'd be ok with it.

However his not divorced but wants to sleep with his new girlfriend - no. I can't let that go on in my house, we're teaching her to break-up, closure and then move on. If they don't understand then they can go get a room somewhere else.

Oh you got that right! and yes I left out age...no 20 somethings in the house sleeping together....

 

[poster]

Oh you got that right! and yes I left out age...no 20 somethings in the house sleeping together....

I meant to ask (and someone may have already) is he already living with you and now wants you to take in his friend or his he moving back home and thinks his friend should be included?

Just curious, either way is selfish on his part for not chosing to be an adult and exist on his own power. I absolutely have a problem with either senerio.

Does he pay his way or expect you to?

 

[stylin]

Thanks for all the replys...we don't want him and his partner living in our house.

They lived out of state for 2 years, my stepson asked my MIL if he could live with them she said yes, prior to this he asked me and my husband we told him the rules, he said no, thanks anyway. My stepson is so self centered, lazy and very hard to live with...I told my MIL to say no but she didn't and let them both move in with her....the partner has a job, stepson not too interested in working a real job. MIL and stepson get in a huge fight about him being lazy and she kicked him out...he and friend at my doorstep last Wedensday. Told MIL this is not fair, 1 - we do not have enough room and 2 _ I hate their lifestyle, I love my Stepson but do not have to like his orientation, my choice. I will always try to help him but will not have them mooching off me. Told MIL that she is the one that said they could move in with her - dont put it off on me so I told him he had 1 week to get a job or out....well he's out. There really is a lot more to the story, my MIL did things behind my back with this boy from the time he was little...told him don't tell your DAd and me things...taught him to lie, told him not listen to me...so basically the end result is he is a selfish liar, but like I said....I will not have them sleeping together in my house.....my house, my rules.

I know long story and really just bits and pieces but another reason - they do not think it is fair that they can't sleep together....blah blah blah. I just was asking opinions of other people, not really advice, just wondering..

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Thanks for all the replys...we don't want him and his partner living in our house.

They lived out of state for 2 years, my stepson asked my MIL if he could live with them she said yes, prior to this he asked me and my husband we told him the rules, he said no, thanks anyway. My stepson is so self centered, lazy and very hard to live with...I told my MIL to say no but she didn't and let them both move in with her....the partner has a job, stepson not too interested in working a real job. MIL and stepson get in a huge fight about him being lazy and she kicked him out...he and friend at my doorstep last Wedensday. Told MIL this is not fair, 1 - we do not have enough room and 2 _ I hate their lifestyle, I love my Stepson but do not have to like his orientation, my choice. I will always try to help him but will not have them mooching off me. Told MIL that she is the one that said they could move in with her - dont put it off on me so I told him he had 1 week to get a job or out....well he's out. There really is a lot more to the story, my MIL did things behind my back with this boy from the time he was little...told him don't tell your DAd and me things...taught him to lie, told him not listen to me...so basically the end result is he is a selfish liar, but like I said....I will not have them sleeping together in my house.....my house, my rules.

I know long story and really just bits and pieces but another reason - they do not think it is fair that they can't sleep together....blah blah blah. I just was asking opinions of other people, not really advice, just wondering..

I think you're doing the right thing. It's your house. I think you were more than fair in giving him the option to move in with his boyfriend and stay in separate rooms. I wouldn't let any unmarried couple share a bed in my house around a 7 year old child.

To me, it's not necessarily about his sexual orientation as much as it is about him being too lazy to act like a responsible adult. I wouldn't let him move into my home, with or without his boyfriend. He's already proven, while living at your MIL's house, that he has no drive/motivation in life. I wouldn't let anyone who is unemployed live in my house - I'm not paying for anyone's laziness.

Good luck to you! Your MIL seems like a lot of fun to deal with.

 

[Sonsie]

Children are going to make something a big deal if they are shown/taught it is a big deal. If you act like it's normal, chances are they won't even give it a second thought.

See I don't think it's normal and I certainly don't want my children to think it's normal either. They will be taught to just tolerate it but not embrace it as a normal or good thing.

 

[Beth_kennedy]

See I don't think it's normal and I certainly don't want my children to think it's normal either. They will be taught to just tolerate it but not embrace it as a normal or good thing.

I really dig your avatar

 

[Sonsie]

Why is there the expecation that there will be PDAs? It seems that many people assume gay men are constantly having sex in public.

See I'm assuming these two men are in "love". I remember being 8 and seeing my 19 year old brother sucking face all over the house with his girlfriend when mom wasn't around. It was embarrassing as I clearly recall and I can't imaging wanting to expose a 7 year old girl to two men doing the same thing, it's inherently unwholesome. And as far as PDA goes inside the house is hardly public, out in public they would probably be properly discrete.

 

[Sonsie]

I really dig your avatar

Thanks, I've had it for a long time now. I went through a bunch but this one seemed to fit me best.

 

[Beth_kennedy]

Thanks, I've had it for a long time now. I went through a bunch but this one seemed to fit me best.

Everytime I see it, I start to groove to a unheard beat...

 

[Cowgirl]

See I'm assuming these two men are in "love". I remember being 8 and seeing my 19 year old brother sucking face all over the house with his girlfriend when mom wasn't around. It was embarrassing as I clearly recall and I can't imaging wanting to expose a 7 year old girl to two men doing the same thing, it's inherently unwholesome. And as far as PDA goes inside the house is hardly public, out in public they would probably be properly discrete.

I was using the term PDA just because we were talking about other family members being present. I was kinda thinking that the guys would be more grown-up about the relationship because of their age, but you never know.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

See I don't think it's normal and I certainly don't want my children to think it's normal either. They will be taught to just tolerate it but not embrace it as a normal or good thing.

That's cool, too - whatever works for you and your family. I plan to let my daughter form her own opinion about things in this world, even if that means I don't agree with it.