Screw the terrible 2's

[KDENISE977]

Three year olds want one thing..power. They want to be boss and to decide what happens and when. So the best thing to remember is not to tell him to do anything unless you plan on and are capable of following through on making him do it. I was late out the door this morning because monster decided she didnt know how to/didnt want to put her shoes on. She has put those shoes on countless times. I knew she could do it and I knew because i pulled rank and told her to put them on right now that I had to follow through. SO while she whined like a baby on the steps pretending she couldnt get her shoe on I told her she was acting like a baby and until she put her shoe on I was going to wait. And further i was going to go outside without her because i didnt feel like hearing her whine. Soon as my hand was on the door..boom. they were on. Like magic. If you understand it is a power struggle and that it is one you HAVE TO WIN in order to not create a brat then it doesnt make it easier to deal with, but easier to understand how it should be handled. monster's power struggles have their days but most times i can get her to do what i need her to do without too much fuss..I get a lot of sass, but she does it

That sums it up EXACTLY...it's a power struggle. Even when I AM giving him a spanking (not that often), I'll do it, then he'll go and spank himself "No, mommy" :shrug: I've given up on spankings.

 

[lucky_bee]

That sums it up EXACTLY...it's a power struggle. Even when I AM giving him a spanking (not that often), I'll do it, then he'll go and spank himself "No, mommy" :shrug: I've given up on spankings.

Yea but a power struggle is all mental. Spankings won't get you far in this situation. If you're asking him to put his toys away and his response is "NO"...tell him, "Okay, well if they're not put away within 5 mins, mommy is throwing them all away". After 5 mins and they're still all out go grab a trash bag and pop it open. As soon as he realizes you actually are FOLLOWING THROUGH with your threat...his little butt will be picking up those toys so fast.... and in reality you won't actually have to throw anything away, but the sound of the trash bag being popped open should be enough to get him moving!

It's mental and you need to find a way to get to him and show him his little power struggle isn't going to phase you bc you're the boss. I feel like in this situation, he sees that he's making you mad and even though he's getting a spanking, he's getting your attention and he's getting a reaction from you. That "gives him power". So don't give him that reaction. Counter-react with a response of reminding him you're the boss. If he won't pick up his toys, pretending to throw them away reminds him you have control over his things and of him.

 

[KDENISE977]

Yea but a power struggle is all mental. Spankings won't get you far in this situation. If you're asking him to put his toys away and his response is "NO"...tell him, "Okay, well if they're not put away within 5 mins, mommy is throwing them all away". After 5 mins and they're still all out go grab a trash bag and pop it open. As soon as he realizes you actually are FOLLOWING THROUGH with your threat...his little butt will be picking up those toys so fast.... and in reality you won't actually have to throw anything away, but the sound of the trash bag being popped open should be enough to get him moving!

It's mental and you need to find a way to get to him and show him his little power struggle isn't going to phase you bc you're the boss. I feel like in this situation, he sees that he's making you mad and even though he's getting a spanking, he's getting your attention and he's getting a reaction from you. That "gives him power". So don't give him that reaction. Counter-react with a response of reminding him you're the boss. If he won't pick up his toys, pretending to throw them away reminds him you have control over his things and of him.

THIS I get...this makes sense to me now. I honestly was getting angry, it would probably actually hurt his feeling more if I just walked away and didn't argue with him or as you put it, give him the attention

 

[lucky_bee]

THIS I get...this makes sense to me now. I honestly was getting angry, it would probably actually hurt his feeling more if I just walked away and didn't argue with him or as you put it, give him the attention

Yea at this age they look for any and all attention. We really don't give them the credit for being as smart and manipulative as they really are.

 

[KDENISE977]

Yea at this age they look for any and all attention. We really don't give them the credit for being as smart and manipulative as they really are.

Oh I know, he doesn't care what Im' doing in the kitchen, unless I pick up the phone... and they hear EVERY THING. Even when you think he'd deep into his movie/cartoon, he'll blurt out something me and my husband are talking about.

 

[libertytyranny]

THIS I get...this makes sense to me now. I honestly was getting angry, it would probably actually hurt his feeling more if I just walked away and didn't argue with him or as you put it, give him the attention

the "im going to throw it away" works very well, for the inevitable "but i dont want to clean up" argument. So does "im going to go wait outside while you finish X" which works well for getting out the door or "you can go scream in your room and come out when youre done" for fits and at bedtime its "no story" at dinner time its "no popsicle or snack later if you dont eat" etc. natural consequences to not doing it. Doesnt have to be punishing or awful.

Monster is so independent sometimes she does it because she just wants me to interact with her on a certain level at the moment so I can also get her to do it by saying, monster, put your shoes on please, later would you like to paint a picture, make a card for dad etc etc" and she will forget she was fighting about the shoes and happily put them on while she tells me what she wants to color. its not really distraction becuase i still expect her to do what I ask, but it does let her know that while i wont speak to her further ont he matter of shoes, we can talk about something more pleasant

 

[KDENISE977]

the "im going to throw it away" works very well, for the inevitable "but i dont want to clean up" argument. So does "im going to go wait outside while you finish X" which works well for getting out the door or "you can go scream in your room and come out when youre done" for fits and at bedtime its "no story" at dinner time its "no popsicle or snack later if you dont eat" etc. natural consequences to not doing it. Doesnt have to be punishing or awful.

Monster is so independent sometimes she does it because she just wants me to interact with her on a certain level at the moment so I can also get her to do it by saying, monster, put your shoes on please, later would you like to paint a picture, make a card for dad etc etc" and she will forget she was fighting about the shoes and happily put them on while she tells me what she wants to color. its not really distraction becuase i still expect her to do what I ask, but it does let her know that while i wont speak to her further ont he matter of shoes, we can talk about something more pleasant

Mine is never a problem with picking up toys, or cleaning up, he likes to do that. My problems come into play when I ask him for instance, please go sit and watch tv or play with your toys so I can make dinner, aka- get out of the kitchen. And he doesn't want to...and that's when it turns into an issue, or a battle if you will. I also know he's an only child and want him to be OKAY with playing on his own and not to need me for entertainment. His "no's" are when he's angry or doesn't get his way, not ususally when I ask him to get this or pick up that.

 

[pebbles]

Mine is never a problem with picking up toys, or cleaning up, he likes to do that. My problems come into play when I ask him for instance, please go sit and watch tv or play with your toys so I can make dinner, aka- get out of the kitchen. And he doesn't want to...and that's when it turns into an issue, or a battle if you will. I also know he's an only child and want him to be OKAY with playing on his own and not to need me for entertainment. His "no's" are when he's angry or doesn't get his way, not ususally when I ask him to get this or pick up that.

Maybe at dinner time he can "help" you by doing something simple, getting silver ware out or napkins or helping you make something. I know that it's not always possible to have him help you with dinner but maybe getting things ready for dinner time would make him feel like he's helping.

 

[KDENISE977]

Maybe at dinner time he can "help" you by doing something simple, getting silver ware out or napkins or helping you make something. I know that it's not always possible to have him help you with dinner but maybe getting things ready for dinner time would make him feel like he's helping.

I do let him help me with things like unloading the dishwasher and putting things away, it's more specifically when I'm using the stove. and he inevidably wants to be in the way, or NEED a snack...etc. He acts like he's starved for attention when it's quite the opposite. Mommy watch tv with me, lets watch a movie, color with me, lets look out the window, which is all fun, but eventually I NEED to make dinner and stuff, bottom line, he's cramed up my butt 24/7

 

[lucky_bee]

I do let him help me with things like unloading the dishwasher and putting things away, it's more specifically when I'm using the stove. and he inevidably wants to be in the way, or NEED a snack...etc. He acts like he's starved for attention when it's quite the opposite. Mommy watch tv with me, lets watch a movie, color with me, lets look out the window, which is all fun, but eventually I NEED to make dinner and stuff, bottom line, he's cramed up my butt 24/7

Mine is never a problem with picking up toys, or cleaning up, he likes to do that. My problems come into play when I ask him for instance, please go sit and watch tv or play with your toys so I can make dinner, aka- get out of the kitchen. And he doesn't want to...and that's when it turns into an issue, or a battle if you will. I also know he's an only child and want him to be OKAY with playing on his own and not to need me for entertainment. His "no's" are when he's angry or doesn't get his way, not ususally when I ask him to get this or pick up that.

LT can weigh in if she wants, but we often have "work out dates" at our house and another friend with her 2 kids comes over. They can all play for hours if the 3 of us sit in the kitchen and talk but the second we're doing something "cool", aka working out, all of a sudden the monsters are all over us and in our space. What's worked fairly well is sectioning off the living room while we do our DVD thing. "These pillows mark the kid-free zone. Y'all can stand on the other side and make fun of our huffing and puffing all you want, but you can't cross over the pillows. If you do, everybody plays in sperate corners...or...x, y, z gets taken away...or...no dessert...or...your friends go home and noone plays. This usually keeps them at bay long enough for us to get a work out in :shrug:

Maybe try sectioning off the kitchen with imaginary lines and explaining to him why he needs to amuse himself outside of those lines "Mommy is cooking and using sharp knives that I don't want to accidently drop and hurt you. Maybe this weekend we can bake cookies together in the kitchen, but only if you let Mommy finish dinner in peae so for now Mommy needs you to hang out in the living room." When he tests those boundaries, remind him of your "deal" and maybe on the first attempt distract him with a "chore" in the OTHER room to "help mommy" and if he does it again, then timeout or something gets taken away or TV goes off. LT's monster is the master of amusing herself until the second she's on the phone or trying to cook dinner. Then she's quickly reminded that she's supposed to wait til mommy's off the phone or go finish her cartoons before Mommy turns the TV off...and off she goes.


OR if he's really stubborn and just not getting ANY of that, try ignoring him. When he starts clammering all over you, show no emotion and just remove him from the room and place him in front of his toys. "Mommy needs you to hang out in here until I'm done". He's going to keep following you back into the kitchen, crying and wanting your attention but just keep showing no emotion and removing him from the room. Eventually he'll get it, and it'll be super exhausting and heart-breaking at first but he'll realize once he's done helping you in the kitchen, you need him out. It's also used great for bedtime and timeouts when the kiddo doesn't want to stay where they need to and keep following you. Eventually they'll get it but you can't keep caving in or he'll always be up your butt

 

[JeJeTe]

Drinking sounds way easier than all this stuff.

 

[KDENISE977]

LT can weigh in if she wants, but we often have "work out dates" at our house and another friend with her 2 kids comes over. They can all play for hours if the 3 of us sit in the kitchen and talk but the second we're doing something "cool", aka working out, all of a sudden the monsters are all over us and in our space. What's worked fairly well is sectioning off the living room while we do our DVD thing. "These pillows mark the kid-free zone. Y'all can stand on the other side and make fun of our huffing and puffing all you want, but you can't cross over the pillows. If you do, everybody plays in sperate corners...or...x, y, z gets taken away...or...no dessert...or...your friends go home and noone plays. This usually keeps them at bay long enough for us to get a work out in :shrug:

Maybe try sectioning off the kitchen with imaginary lines and explaining to him why he needs to amuse himself outside of those lines "Mommy is cooking and using sharp knives that I don't want to accidently drop and hurt you. Maybe this weekend we can bake cookies together in the kitchen, but only if you let Mommy finish dinner in peae so for now Mommy needs you to hang out in the living room." When he tests those boundaries, remind him of your "deal" and maybe on the first attempt distract him with a "chore" in the OTHER room to "help mommy" and if he does it again, then timeout or something gets taken away or TV goes off. LT's monster is the master of amusing herself until the second she's on the phone or trying to cook dinner. Then she's quickly reminded that she's supposed to wait til mommy's off the phone or go finish her cartoons before Mommy turns the TV off...and off she goes.


OR if he's really stubborn and just not getting ANY of that, try ignoring him. When he starts clammering all over you, show no emotion and just remove him from the room and place him in front of his toys. "Mommy needs you to hang out in here until I'm done". He's going to keep following you back into the kitchen, crying and wanting your attention but just keep showing no emotion and removing him from the room. Eventually he'll get it, and it'll be super exhausting and heart-breaking at first but he'll realize once he's done helping you in the kitchen, you need him out. It's also used great for bedtime and timeouts when the kiddo doesn't want to stay where they need to and keep following you. Eventually they'll get it but you can't keep caving in or he'll always be up your butt

this is why these forums are good. I don't have the luxury of a mother, mother in law, cousin, aunt...no one is around to bounce ideas and problems off of or get advice from and I always worry I'm doing "it" wrong and am going to raise a criminal or am damaging my kid !!!

Thank you

 

[KDENISE977]

Drinking sounds way easier than all this stuff.

Amen sister !!! this parenting crap is harder than anyone told me

 

[JeJeTe]

Amen sister !!! this parenting crap is harder than anyone told me

Not after a couple of beer it isn't.

 

[KDENISE977]

Not after a couple of beer it isn't.

Yeah buddy...you want to go play outside...surrrrre, you need a knife, why not... here have a sip of mommy's glass

 

[pelers]

Baby girl is beginning to enter the "Terrible 2" phase. I need to get some video posted of her tantrums. Right now they are still very adorable, but I know it's going to wear thin pretty quickly.

The boy turns 4 this December, he's going to turn back into my sweet boy, right? RIGHT? Honestly, though, he is a good kid so long as his sister isn't around. They are getting better now that they are both talking more. I overheard them having a very serious discussion on toes the other morning, they discussed the girl's toes, then moved on to the boy's toes. There was talk of daddy's toes and mommy's toes. I'm not entirely sure what the conclusions were, but they both seemed very satisfied with the conversation. It really warms my heart when they get along together. This morning was adorable, I got out of bed to go start getting ready, when I came back into the bedroom they were both snuggled up in the baby girl's pack n play.

 

[MarieB]

I do let him help me with things like unloading the dishwasher and putting things away, it's more specifically when I'm using the stove. and he inevidably wants to be in the way, or NEED a snack...etc. He acts like he's starved for attention when it's quite the opposite. Mommy watch tv with me, lets watch a movie, color with me, lets look out the window, which is all fun, but eventually I NEED to make dinner and stuff, bottom line, he's cramed up my butt 24/7

It's one witching hour, just like when you pick up the phone


And yes, 3 is worse than 2. Speaking of video, I started taking video of tantrums, but I didn't let him see me taking the first one and then showed him. Each time a tantrum ensued, I would threaten with taking a video. That worked for a short while. My boys are so stubborn

 

[KDENISE977]

AND just for fun last night... he locks me in the basement when I went down to put his PEE soaked shoes in the washing machine.

 

[ICit]

AND just for fun last night... he locks me in the basement when I went down to put his PEE soaked shoes in the washing machine.

let me have him for a week.... I promise I wont hurt him..


I will train him for ya!!! and he will even come back loving to brush his teeth!!!

 

[KDENISE977]

let me have him for a week.... I promise I wont hurt him..


I will train him for ya!!! and he will even come back loving to brush his teeth!!!

you sound like my mother He was actually good the rest of the evening after I popped all his balloons for being mean to me.