Sexual abuse and the opposite sex

[Bann]

Give Carol Marcy a call, here's her website: http://www.joylanehealingcenter.net/

She's quite holistic and gentle, and I'll bet you'd feel comfortable with her. She deals a lot with childhood trauma that manifests itself in adult reactions and she's very effective. You're not crazy, you just haven't dealt with and let go of the abuse you suffered as a child. It's perfectly normal and something that can be fixed.

Good luck!

 

[my-thyme]

Carol has my vote, too.

 

[pelers]

Working with a therapist to heal those old wounds is probably your best option. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it directly perhaps you could write it all down? Spend a couple days writing out what happened as a child, write about things you do now that you think are related. Give that to the therapist to read over that way you'll have some common ground to begin with and hopefully it won't feel quite so awkward.

Just remember not all therapists are the same and PLEASE find somebody that you feel comfortable talking to. If you don't feel that it's working out or that talking with a particular person is helpful it is okay to fire them and find somebody else.

You're not crazy and you're not the only one out there with those types of reactions. You're not a victim, you're a survivor.

 

[buddscreekman]

I looked at Carol's website - it all seems a little 'out there'. I don't know that she would be my type of person. I'd like someone who will listen to what I have to say but understand that I am there to dump this all out and get some sort of resolution,not for a diagnosis or meds. A big fear I have of seeing someone is that I have the view that most counselors and psychiatrist-type professions are not good listeners,they are diagnosticians. They want to assign a title to everything,and will find a disorder or illness in normal human emotions.

In short,I don't want to walk in troubled by my past and walk out on the autism spectrum.

 

[buddscreekman]

Working with a therapist to heal those old wounds is probably your best option. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it directly perhaps you could write it all down? Spend a couple days writing out what happened as a child, write about things you do now that you think are related. Give that to the therapist to read over that way you'll have some common ground to begin with and hopefully it won't feel quite so awkward.

Just remember not all therapists are the same and PLEASE find somebody that you feel comfortable talking to. If you don't feel that it's working out or that talking with a particular person is helpful it is okay to fire them and find somebody else.

You're not crazy and you're not the only one out there with those types of reactions. You're not a victim, you're a survivor.

That is an absolutely ideal way for me to start this. I never thought of that - writing it all down first.

 

[Misfit]

I know I should. If any of you have seen anyone and found them helppful and would like to share a referral,please pm me if you're not comfortable saying so on here.

I had a pretty good experience with pastoral counseling.

 

[buddscreekman]

I had a pretty good experience with pastoral counseling.

That would be an absolute NO. But thanks.

 

[SoMD_Fun_Guy]

Writing about it could help but I think seeing a therapist would be most beneficial. I hope you can find the help you are looking for and can overcome your personal pain. Good luck.

 

[libertytyranny]

I looked at Carol's website - it all seems a little 'out there'. I don't know that she would be my type of person. I'd like someone who will listen to what I have to say but understand that I am there to dump this all out and get some sort of resolution,not for a diagnosis or meds. A big fear I have of seeing someone is that I have the view that most counselors and psychiatrist-type professions are not good listeners,they are diagnosticians. They want to assign a title to everything,and will find a disorder or illness in normal human emotions.

In short,I don't want to walk in troubled by my past and walk out on the autism spectrum.

it does seem a little out there..but even if you don't know it yet..a hippy is perfect to talk to, I promise. psychologists prescribe drugs..therapists listen and teach you some really good coping mechanisms and help you get your thoughts and feelings straight. Understand, if you want your insurance to pay, they probably will require a "diagnosis" of some kind, but its a formality. Also, try calling Walden or if you work outside the home, most employers have an employee resource line that can get you someone to talk with.

 

[cricketmd]

I have thought of it many times over the years as it has impacted every relationship I've ever had,including my marriage. But I am extremely uneasy about discussing the details of it. I feel almost as if I can look at in the third person and leave it alone,but if I have to identify with it and talk about it,it is almost like reliving it.

I'm sorry you went through this. I just sent a pm and then after the fact realized its buddscreekman pm name... tell him to check his pm'er for you or let me know if you have created your own account and I can pm there! For what its worth, I think you are very brave to have been able to talk about it, albeit to just us here, its a start!! WTG!

 

[LuckyMe143]

This is bcm's wife. He knows I'm writing this and since it makes him uncomfortable I suspect he is thrilled I'm "talking" to other people besides him about it. I had a pretty upsetting experience tonight and since I'm anonymous here I'd like to tell you guys about it and get some feedback. It's hard for me to discuss this with anyone,including my husband sometimes. I'll preface by telling you I was sexually abused as a child.

I was in WalMart tonight,and had a man approach me. He initially was kind of awkward about it but was persistent. I get hit on/checked out a lot,and am used to this but this guy was particularly overt about it. Under any other circumstance I'd tell him to f off and that would be the end of it. I'm usually a take no b.s. type of person. But in this situation,as I've done before,I froze. I could hardly speak and felt like I was 5 years old,and was genuinely scared and intimidated. I took off and cried in my car. I've had this happen a few times but this was one of my most extreme reactions,I felt like vomiting. I also have had other times where I actually stand there and engage in chit chat with the guys even though I have zero interest and on the inside am squirming. I essentially feel powerless and as if I either need to run,or accomodate them.The guy didn't hurt me,and he didn't threaten me,and I think a normal reaction would have been to simply say not interested and be on my way but I just lost it. I feel embarrassed and like I'm crazy. Like any other woman,I dress nice and like to feel attractive but when I get attention I range from feeling happy about it to leaving the store without what I went in there for.

I don't know of any other women personally who have had this problem or who have been abused as children but I just want to know if anyone else out there thinks I am absolutely nuts because that is how I feel right now.

I understand completly how you feel. When i was child things happened and when i was 14 i was raped. I had no one to talk to as my Dad said what was done it over move on. I get panic attacks in public sometimes and if strangers touch me i will free out (sometimes). Therapy works if you let it. I have a lot of unanswered questions but i blocked so much out as a child its been really hard. If you need someone to talk to pm me. Anytime! Wish you and your family the best!

 

[Bann]

it does seem a little out there..but even if you don't know it yet..a hippy is perfect to talk to, I promise. psychologists prescribe drugs..therapists listen and teach you some really good coping mechanisms and help you get your thoughts and feelings straight. Understand, if you want your insurance to pay, they probably will require a "diagnosis" of some kind, but its a formality. Also, try calling Walden or if you work outside the home, most employers have an employee resource line that can get you someone to talk with.

Psychiatrists prescribe drugs. Psychologists are doctors of philosophy, not medical doctors.

 

[my-thyme]

I looked at Carol's website - it all seems a little 'out there'. I don't know that she would be my type of person. I'd like someone who will listen to what I have to say but understand that I am there to dump this all out and get some sort of resolution,not for a diagnosis or meds. A big fear I have of seeing someone is that I have the view that most counselors and psychiatrist-type professions are not good listeners,they are diagnosticians. They want to assign a title to everything,and will find a disorder or illness in normal human emotions.

In short,I don't want to walk in troubled by my past and walk out on the autism spectrum.

I don't have the same issues you are struggling with, but did find myself in need of someone to talk with.

"Out there"! I thought the same thing when she was suggested to me. I knew there was no way my husband would take anything she had to say seriously. But since I had no intention of taking him with me, and I had tried numerous other counselors that "met his criteria" with no success, I figured it couldn't hurt to talk with someone completely different.

Love her! She is so centered and down to earth, and a great listener. Give her a try, you can always go somewhere else.

 

[libertytyranny]

Psychiatrists prescribe drugs. Psychologists are doctors of philosophy, not medical doctors.

thanks for catching that!

 

[devinej]

to the OP: you are brave!! and you are not the only one!!
Innerworks counseling is pretty accessible. its on chancellors run road. if you need more referrals call me at the Tri-County Youth Services Bureau (3 0 1) 8 6 6 - 5 9 8 9

 

[craberta]

Therapy works!

I had the misfortune of suffering at the hands of child rapists. I dealt with the opposit sex by beating them up if they touched me or anyone I loved in the wrong way. I even beat the crap out of one of the perverts when I was 14. I finally went to get help because I realised I was mentally crumbling away. After 10 years of therapy, I can talk about it without getting hysterical, I almost never think about it, but I will beat a man up if he touches me in a wrong way. That will never go away. At first it is hard to talk about, but as time goes on, you feel so much better, stronger, and the issue with people touching you at all begins to fade away.