Ships Arrive From The Orient Laden With Pumpkin Spice

Kyle

ULTRA-F###ING-MAGA!
PREMO Member
NEW YORK, NY—It’s October, and that means women in UGG boots are crowded around the ports to catch sight of the masts of ships returning from their journey to the Orient. For each of those massive wooden ships has a cargo hold filled with pumpkin spice, the fabled spice of autumn.

Pumpkins are only grown on a few mountaintops in Asia. The pumpkins aren’t ready to be dried and ground up into valuable pumpkin spice until the end of September. The rare spice is worth more than its weight in gold, though it’s so potent that it’s said that an ounce of it could kill a man (but not a basic white girl).

Because of its value, many ships brave the dangerous waters to fill up with the spice and return it to the states every year.


 

Kyle

ULTRA-F###ING-MAGA!
PREMO Member
One of the women in my office freaked out when she found out there wasn't any Unicorn in the Unicorn Frappuccino either.
 
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