Thoughts

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by vraiblonde
, Pete, it's too bad I don't live down there or I'd find you a wife and mother. I'm a great judge of character and can really weed 'em out. :yay:
Can you make me skinny and good looking too while you are at it?
 

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by vraiblonde

I'll frankly admit that my bio-Dad's early defection colored my opinion of men in general. That's one of the reasons I married a guy who had custody of his own kids.

:bawl: :bawl: :bawl: DAMN YOU LARRY GUDE !!


My timing sucks :banghead:
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
Originally posted by vraiblonde
Don't be silly. Admit that you think men are inferior and disposable. And there's no need to be defensive, I wasn't trying to attack you. I'm just trying to make the point that mothers and fathers DO influence their kids for good and bad, and no "friends" can really alleviate that.

I'll frankly admit that my bio-Dad's early defection colored my opinion of men in general. That's one of the reasons I married a guy who had custody of his own kids.

I'm not getting defensive; I'm simply saying you are wrong about your perception of my views on men; but you have no personal experience to go on, so I figure you're going on what you see on the forum (95% of which are jokes) or gossip.

As I said earlier, but you seem to have missed; I saw what my father was (and wasn't) growing up, and I realized early on that he was NOT the best father/husband he could have been then.
 

Ken King

A little rusty but not crusty
PREMO Member
Re: Re: Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by Pete
She claims she can't find it. :duh: Good record keeping isn't it? I faxed that along too.
It isn't like they have them on file where you had the divorce at.

I had many issues with my ex concerning the kids after our divorce (I too was the custodial parent). She wouldn't get them on her weekends, never took advantage of her summer visitation, and never paid any of the directed support. When she would arrange for me to deliver them to her for a weekend something would always come up and I would have to either tell them she wasn't getting them or go fetch them and pick them up early. After a couple of years of this I got totally fed up and just made it clear that I wasn't going out of my way anymore to "help" her maintain her "image" with the children. It might seem cold to some of you but there are times when the kids need to see the reality of life and in my case it was by not picking up her slack.

Bottom line, if she can't afford to have her son visit for the summer period then she needs to come up with a way to do it without placing any burden on you. Failing that maybe she should do a couple of weekly visits versus the full 8 to 10 weeks in one shot (which by the way helps with the deprogramming effort).
 

Pete

Repete
Re: Re: Re: Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by Ken King
It isn't like they have them on file where you had the divorce at.
That would require effort and proper planning on her part. She is a firm believer in "wait til last minute and everything becomes a crissis" style of living.

Originally posted by Ken King
I had many issues with my ex concerning the kids after our divorce (I too was the custodial parent). She wouldn't get them on her weekends, never took advantage of her summer visitation, and never paid any of the directed support. When she would arrange for me to deliver them to her for a weekend something would always come up and I would have to either tell them she wasn't getting them or go fetch them and pick them up early. After a couple of years of this I got totally fed up and just made it clear that I wasn't going out of my way anymore to "help" her maintain her "image" with the children. It might seem cold to some of you but there are times when the kids need to see the reality of life and in my case it was by not picking up her slack.
Fortunalty or unfortunatly depending how you look at it she never misses her visits. He loves going there and she loves having him........as long as it doens't add any financial burden.

Originally posted by Ken King
Bottom line, if she can't afford to have her son visit for the summer period then she needs to come up with a way to do it without placing any burden on you. Failing that maybe she should do a couple of weekly visits versus the full 8 to 10 weeks in one shot (which by the way helps with the deprogramming effort).
That would be good but she would never go for it.
 

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
Pete ... Boy may not have the best example for a mother, but he's got one hell of one for a dad. :huggy:
 

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by crabcake
Pete ... Boy may not have the best example for a mother, but he's got one hell of one for a dad. :huggy:
Would you like to touch my monkey?
 

BadGirl

I am so very blessed
Originally posted by crabcake
Pete ... Boy may not have the best example for a mother, but he's got one hell of one for a dad. :huggy:
Ditto for me, too, Pete.

You are awesome. Boy is so lucky to have you as a Dad. :huggy::huggy::huggy:
 

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by BadGirl
Ditto for me, too, Pete.

You are awesome. Boy is so lucky to have you as a Dad. :huggy::huggy::huggy:
Awww shucks, I doubt that you would think so if you knew that I am teaching boy that women are all just Hooters waitresses at heart. :really:













j/k :lmao:
 

Vince

......
Pete I have a similar situation only my son is alot older and he's handicapped. I will have him for my lifetime. The ex is irresponsible and when he's with her, she does nothing with him or for him except to feed him. If he needs a doctors appt or dentist it's up to me. She's in the local area so that helps, but everytime she has to do something with her current husband/boyfriend, etc. she brings him back to me. Point is, don't count on the ex for anything. Take your son back home. Mine is over 18 and a handicapped adult, I had to have legal guardianship papers done through the courts. Of course she didn't contest it because she didn't want to be bothered. I let him see her as often as he wants because he doesn't know any better and he wants to see her. But it's only going to happen on the weekends and on my schedule. As far as his life or anything that happens in it, I pay for it and I make the decisions.
 

Ken King

A little rusty but not crusty
PREMO Member
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by Pete
That would require effort and proper planning on her part. She is a firm believer in "wait til last minute and everything becomes a crissis" style of living.

Fortunalty or unfortunatly depending how you look at it she never misses her visits. He loves going there and she loves having him........as long as it doens't add any financial burden.

That would be good but she would never go for it.
Well it seems that you are caught between that old “rock and a hard place”. I certainly don’t envy you. Luckily for me my kids have achieved adulthood and there are very few occasions that I make contact with the ex. Matter of fact the only time now is when we have a birthday party for one of the grandbabies and I usually cut my time short so as not to create an atmosphere of discomfort.

Finding a solution will be tough but you can be assured that your “Boy” will discover that the disinformation is just that. He knows how much you love him and that you will always do what is best for him.

Sorry that you have such a PITA ex, but there isn’t much that you can do about that. Maybe, and this is just a thought, in the future you could purchase season passes to some of the fun things where the boy spends his summers and give them to him when he goes up there. At least that way she couldn’t use her money issues against you.
 

Pete

Repete
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by Ken King
Well it seems that you are caught between that old “rock and a hard place”. I certainly don’t envy you. Luckily for me my kids have achieved adulthood and there are very few occasions that I make contact with the ex. Matter of fact the only time now is when we have a birthday party for one of the grandbabies and I usually cut my time short so as not to create an atmosphere of discomfort.

Finding a solution will be tough but you can be assured that your “Boy” will discover that the disinformation is just that. He knows how much you love him and that you will always do what is best for him.

Sorry that you have such a PITA ex, but there isn’t much that you can do about that. Maybe, and this is just a thought, in the future you could purchase season passes to some of the fun things where the boy spends his summers and give them to him when he goes up there. At least that way she couldn’t use her money issues against you.
I just look at the bright side, in 11 more years I will rarely have to deal with her.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Pete, I have to ask: what attracted you to this woman in the first place? Did she used to be a responsible person who was worthy of being the mother of your children? Or was she just a good piece and you were thinking with your hmm-hmm? Were you young and didn't know any better? Did she change? Did you change?

Not trying to disparage your choices or anything like that - just pure curiousity and interest in how stuff like this happens.
 

Ken King

A little rusty but not crusty
PREMO Member
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Thoughts

Originally posted by Pete
I just look at the bright side, in 11 more years I will rarely have to deal with her.
Until the "Boy" gets married and has kids of his own. But you have time for that and it will be almost a given that he will have discovered the truth by then.

My youngest was 9 when the divorce was final (he is now 23) and while he still "loves" his mother he knows that the crap she was feeding him about me turned out to be nothing but pure BS.

I wish you luck as you deal with this and hope that you don't damage your tounge toobad as you continue to bite it as you deal with her. One thing I never have done is to degrade or belittle her in front of the kids. Though she seems to enjoy doing this when they visit with her. When they asked me about things she has told them I simply give my version of the story and they usually discover that she has twisted or blown things out of proportion. Some parents don't realize that kids are smarter then we think and are capable of weeding out the garbage to find the truth all by themselves.
 

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
My dad was a butthead after my parents' divorce, and often said mean things about my mom to my brother and I to make himself feel better. Of course, we loved our dad, but I (don't know about the little bro) took everything he said with a grain of salt. I was old enough (11 when they divorced) to understand that he wasn't a saint in the situation. My mother never bad-mouthed him, and at times even stuck up for him to make us kids feel better (like the times he would ditch us for his flavor of the month). Now, over 10 years later, my brother and I have both realized the type of person my dad was (and to some extent still is, although he's gotten better). Now that my brother is 18, she's decided to talk with us about the things my dad has done and still does that pizz us off. It took awhile to figure it out, but when I look back on my adolescence, my dad is not a strong figure in my upbringing, even though I saw him once a month and spent occasional summers with him, and I certainly haven't patterned my life after his.
 

Pete

Repete
Originally posted by vraiblonde
Pete, I have to ask: what attracted you to this woman in the first place? Did she used to be a responsible person who was worthy of being the mother of your children? Or was she just a good piece and you were thinking with your hmm-hmm? Were you young and didn't know any better? Did she change? Did you change?

Not trying to disparage your choices or anything like that - just pure curiousity and interest in how stuff like this happens.
It is a personal failing that is almost too embarassing to discuss but since you asked and I am all about honesty........

I met her after a friend of mine introduced us. I had been doing the crazy single guy bar thing for quite a while. The friend thought she knew her and told me she was a single mom, working hard to make ends meet, nice woman, stand up, nice looking and decent. It all turned out to be a lie but no one knew because she kept everything hidden. Her ability to decieve still amazes me to this day.

I was in a down time in my life, I had turned 30, wasn't dating, not Brad Pitt or Warren Buffet and frankly not many women paid attention to me, hey just like now. :lol: I was begining to seriously wonder if I was ever going to be happy, have kids and the American dream, blah blah blah. Well along comes a nice looking woman who seemed to have it together and she paid attention to me. We dated for 9 months and I thought everyhting was normal. Of course I didn't see the disconnect notices for the power and phone that came in her mail, nor did I know that she couldn't keep a job and her family didn't bother to tell me she was in trouble all the time and they had to write checks to bail her out because they knew me and figured I was her best hope to stop being a putz and if they spilled the beans I would run for the hills. Basically I was in the dark because people who practice to decieve wil only let you know what they want you to know.

So here I was with a chic who was pretty, fun and liked me, the sex was great so when little things popped up that should have been HUGE red flags I ignored them because frankly I was tired of being alone. We get married and the little things turned into HUGE red flags as I discovered them. By then it was too late, we were married and I was not about to just walk away.

We had some hard times and I finally got things straightened out. We were poor, but somewhat happy, not that it wasn't a stuggle especially since she didn't help me much. We went along for a year or so and it actually got decent......then boy. Well everything was fine until I had to go to Panama for 6 months. While she was under my direct supervision I could limit her ability to get in trouble. It was a sad state of affairs. I had to be on watch constantly, lock my desk with the checks and checkbook keep ATM cards with me, tell the Schwans dude to NEVER come to my house again and crap like that. It was like having a teenaged kid as a wife. I have MANY more effed up storries but I have to save some for when we have a beer. :cheers: Well when I went to Panama things had been pretty good for a year. When I left she didn't have the mean old man around to force her to be an adult and she went effing wild. It was sooooooo bad that despite all the other lies and crap she had gotten into that I had forgiven I had no choice. I was broke, had bad checks all over town, my house was dirty and destroyed, I was out of oil, the phone was being turned off, the property tax had not been paid, no bills had been paid in 5 months, boy had been left EVERYNIGHT with his older half sister while she went and partied, there was no food in the house blah blah blah. Needless to say I was stunned.

So in a nut shell, I am not a studly chic magnet and I was lonley. Lonley enough that I overlooked things I should not have, and decieved on much more than that.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Originally posted by Pete
So in a nut shell, I am not a studly chic magnet and I was lonley. Lonley enough that I overlooked things I should not have, and decieved on much more than that.
And mistakes were made. :ohwell:

I'm just always curious how these things get started - was there a warning sign that was ignored or did the person undergo some metamorphasis?

Thanks for sharing and being so honest. Your story is very similar to Larry's.
 
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