Toddler transitions

[KDENISE977]

So my son is now transitioning into a new school room, new kids, new teachers, all of it. He's been eating breakfast and going into the same room since he's been 10 weeks old. He's not handling the transition well. The initial transition is broken down over 2 weeks, he goes to his normal breakfast/toddler room in the a.m. and then from 11-3 they move him to the new room he'll be moving to. He's apparently not handling the change well. When I ask how he's doing, they reluctantly tell me he cries in the new room and begs for mommy and daddy and when on the playground just stands all alone (being the youngest and his friends are all in the other room). This breaks my heart, any suggestions? I know, change is inevitable and will happen but it seems to be trickling onto other aspects of his life, he's having sleep issues now and not wanting to eat.

 

[mamaof1]

Maybe ask teachers in old room to create a picture book of the kids and teachers that he can carry to the new room and "show off" to his new friends. Do the same for the new room - he will be to show his new friends to his old friends.

He will get thru this. Sorry it is so hard for him (and you).

 

[ZARA]

Kids are emotional and emotionally sensitive by nature. What ever you are feeling, he will sense it and feed off it. If you are worried and concerned, he will FEEL worried and concerned.

There isn't any easy transition. Some kids adapt without issue, others have a hard time. The best thing you can do is force yourself to feel excitement and be excited about the changes when you talk with him. "Fake it till you make it."

The more excited and happy you appear to be about the situation, the more he will pick up on it.

Perfect example- Kid falls down smashes the hell out of themself.
If the parent freaks out- the kid will too.
If the parent says in a tone that is not worried, "whoopsie daisy!, get up and dust yourself off." The kid will not freak out unless there is actual pain.

I hope that makes sense, I desperately need more coffee this morning.

 

[KDENISE977]

Kids are emotional and emotionally sensitive by nature. What ever you are feeling, he will sense it and feed off it. If you are worried and concerned, he will FEEL worried and concerned.

There isn't any easy transition. Some kids adapt without issue, others have a hard time. The best thing you can do is force yourself to feel excitement and be excited about the changes when you talk with him. "Fake it till you make it."

The more excited and happy you appear to be about the situation, the more he will pick up on it.

Perfect example- Kid falls down smashes the hell out of themself.
If the parent freaks out- the kid will too.
If the parent says in a tone that is not worried, "whoopsie daisy!, get up and dust yourself off." The kid will not freak out unless there is actual pain.

I hope that makes sense, I desperately need more coffee this morning.

I know you're right, now if I can only talk myself into DOING it !! He falls and busts his knee open, I'm fine, I step over him and get him a juice box or something. It's the "mommmmmmaaayyyyy" that gets me

 

[pelers]

Are any of the kids in his old room close to transitioning? Maybe see if they could hold off for just a bit so he'll have a buddy to go with him.

 

[KDENISE977]

Are any of the kids in his old room close to transitioning? Maybe see if they could hold off for just a bit so he'll have a buddy to go with him.

There are actually a pair of twins that are, but they're not going into the same classroom, different teachers and different rooms. And the next child to move up in a month, who is very close w/ my son is going to the other room too... I asked his mother to see if she could be put with Chase, but she is one of those "everyone is against my child" mothers who I think is taking her kid out of this school/daycare.

 

[JeJeTe]

So my son is now transitioning into a new school room, new kids, new teachers, all of it. He's been eating breakfast and going into the same room since he's been 10 weeks old. He's not handling the transition well. The initial transition is broken down over 2 weeks, he goes to his normal breakfast/toddler room in the a.m. and then from 11-3 they move him to the new room he'll be moving to. He's apparently not handling the change well. When I ask how he's doing, they reluctantly tell me he cries in the new room and begs for mommy and daddy and when on the playground just stands all alone (being the youngest and his friends are all in the other room). This breaks my heart, any suggestions? I know, change is inevitable and will happen but it seems to be trickling onto other aspects of his life, he's having sleep issues now and not wanting to eat.

Like Zara said the more awesome and no problem you think it is, the more he think it will be. Stuff like "You are going to have a great day today" and not showing the stress when you drop him off will go along way.

That being said, some kids don't like change. Why not help him adjust to his new class? Bring in cupcakes and have him pass them out to his new buddies to help him get more comfortable with them. Bring in something cool for show and tell that all the kids would love and would talk about with him.

 

[ZARA]

I know you're right, now if I can only talk myself into DOING it !! He falls and busts his knee open, I'm fine, I step over him and get him a juice box or something. It's the "mommmmmmaaayyyyy" that gets me

The "mommmmmmaaayyyyy" is torture. Especially when they hit that one tone/octave that is like a dagger in your heart. Just pretend to be bubbly, excited, and energized about the changes (kinda of like that one person that is so disgustingly happy about everythnig some days you just want to punch them in the face...you must know someone like that?) and it will trickle down to him.

This is how I use to do it:

"How was Your Day?! I bet it was great! You got to meet new people! I LOVE Meeting New People and Making new Friends! What did you do? I bet you had so much fun! Tell me about all the fun you had! Did you color?! REALLY? COOL!"

Yes..all at once. My poor kid was bombarded with so much information at one time the only thing he could focus on was the word "color" and we went from there. All kids have that ONE thing they LOVE to do..for my son it was coloring or anything related to art so I always focused on that and he would get so caught up in my excitment he forgot how much he hated changes.

 

[KDENISE977]

Kids are emotional and emotionally sensitive by nature. What ever you are feeling, he will sense it and feed off it. If you are worried and concerned, he will FEEL worried and concerned.

There isn't any easy transition. Some kids adapt without issue, others have a hard time. The best thing you can do is force yourself to feel excitement and be excited about the changes when you talk with him. "Fake it till you make it."

The more excited and happy you appear to be about the situation, the more he will pick up on it.

Perfect example- Kid falls down smashes the hell out of themself.
If the parent freaks out- the kid will too.
If the parent says in a tone that is not worried, "whoopsie daisy!, get up and dust yourself off." The kid will not freak out unless there is actual pain.

I hope that makes sense, I desperately need more coffee this morning.

On a similar note, what's your opinion on dipping out. Like when he cries when you leave and someone distracts him, I hate the thought of running out when he's not looking. I see all the mothers do it, I don't know but it feels wrong.

 

[kwillia]

On a similar note, what's your opinion on dipping out. Like when he cries when you leave and someone distracts him, I hate the thought of running out when he's not looking. I see all the mothers do it, I don't know but it feels wrong.

You don't have to play the "dip out when he's not looking" game. Simply stoop down give him a kiss and say, "Bye bye, Mommy's going to work now and you get to go play!" with a big smile on your face and then you WALK OUT WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. You can't expect him to get over his anxiety if you keep feeding it by hoping he will get over his anxiety if you keep feeding it... it doesn't work that way.

 

[JeJeTe]

On a similar note, what's your opinion on dipping out. Like when he cries when you leave and someone distracts him, I hate the thought of running out when he's not looking. I see all the mothers do it, I don't know but it feels wrong.

I have done it once or twice when they were little, little but I'm not a fan of it.

Kids need to recognize how to deal with things and calm themselves down. If you just constantly distract them to deal with things, they don't learn how to self soothe and how to deal the fact that you are going to leave them places when they don't want to be left.

 

[KDENISE977]

Thanks everyone, this is why these forums are honestly very helpful. I will be super excited annoying mommy from here on out

 

[ZARA]

On a similar note, what's your opinion on dipping out. Like when he cries when you leave and someone distracts him, I hate the thought of running out when he's not looking. I see all the mothers do it, I don't know but it feels wrong.

BAD BAD BAD IDEA. If you "disappear" this can be terrifying because they can't find you and do not know what happened to you. I learned this the hard way one day and my son's words hit me like a mac truck when I picked him up:

"Mommy! I was so scared. I could not find you and I looked every whrere for you! I thought you got hurt and I couldn't stop crying."

I felt like a sorry POS and I never did that to him again.

You don't have to play the "dip out when he's not looking" game. Simply stoop down give him a kiss and say, "Bye bye, Mommy's going to work now and you get to go play!" with a big smile on your face and then you WALK OUT WITHOUT LOOKING BACK. You can't expect him to get over his anxiety if you keep feeding it by hoping he will get over his anxiety if you keep feeding it... it doesn't work that way.

This is excellent advice. And he will adjust faster knowing exactly what is going to happen next because there aren't any surprises.

 

[kwillia]

Thanks everyone, this is why these forums are honestly very helpful. I will be super excited annoying mommy from here on out

Think of it this way... Your mommy job is NOT to coddle him, but rather to help him grow up into a man that can handle things himself. Kids honestly DO NOT wake up knowing how to deal with things the morning of their 18th birthday like some folks seem to think. You have to mentor and nurture their ability to handle things beginning at an yearly age and building on what they do for themselves as they grow and get better and better at making the right decisions. Once you realize this is what your mommy job is really about, you will find yourself knowing how to help him grow and you will have less anxiety too.

 

[KDENISE977]

He did super today. Husband came with at drop off this morning. He started to get upset when we were walking past his old room (of 2 years now) and husband managed to diffuse him and get him to walk into new room with big kids (up to 10 year olds) and show him around and explained everything would be fun and he was handed off to new teacher with much excitement Thanks all, you were right, I said "I love you and will be back to pick you up later" and he said "love you" and we left.

 

[ZARA]

He did super today. Husband came with at drop off this morning. He started to get upset when we were walking past his old room (of 2 years now) and husband managed to diffuse him and get him to walk into new room with big kids (up to 10 year olds) and show him around and explained everything would be fun and he was handed off to new teacher with much excitement Thanks all, you were right, I said "I love you and will be back to pick you up later" and he said "love you" and we left.

Awesome news!!!

 

[KDENISE977]

Oh lord, it's bad, bad, bad this time.... going from 3's classroom to the 4's classroom (4 months early)... he's FREAKING out and his teachers are all trying ways to figure out how to keep him calm and make it fun but he's apparently not doing well AT ALL and they can't keep him in this new room, with the 4 year olds for longer than 45 minutes. I'm not sure how I can help

Is this normal? Do other kids get THAT emotional during changes in teachers and classes?

 

[Bann]

Oh lord, it's bad, bad, bad this time.... going from 3's classroom to the 4's classroom (4 months early)... he's FREAKING out and his teachers are all trying ways to figure out how to keep him calm and make it fun but he's apparently not doing well AT ALL and they can't keep him in this new room, with the 4 year olds for longer than 45 minutes. I'm not sure how I can help

Is this normal? Do other kids get THAT emotional during changes in teachers and classes?

Why are they moving him early? (Serious question as my son was a stay at home child until he went to Kindergarten. It was all day K and he transitioned fine, but he has a Jan birthday and was a little older)

Maybe your son's own social emotional development needs more transition time?

 

[KDENISE977]

Why are they moving him early? (Serious question as my son was a stay at home child until he went to Kindergarten. It was all day K and he transitioned fine, but he has a Jan birthday and was a little older)

Maybe your son's own social emotional development needs more transition time?

They're moving him early because they SAY he's ready cognitively, physically and emotionally and that he's ahead of all the other children. They are also making staffing changes and have brought in a new teacher in his classroom and don't want him getting attached to her, only to have him move to another room in 4 months. All his current teachers say he's ready, I just am having a hard time dealing with how it's affecting him now. he was actually crying in his sleep the other night and saying he didn't want to go to school....he's never, ever talked in his sleep before.

 

[JeJeTe]

They're moving him early because they SAY he's ready cognitively, physically and emotionally and that he's ahead of all the other children. They are also making staffing changes and have brought in a new teacher in his classroom and don't want him getting attached to her, only to have him move to another room in 4 months. All his current teachers say he's ready, I just am having a hard time dealing with how it's affecting him now. he was actually crying in his sleep the other night and saying he didn't want to go to school....he's never, ever talked in his sleep before.

Is it possible to move him in phases? That would be my suggestion. My kid doesn't like change either. Some changes are easier than others. Have him spend just part of the time in the new class to start off with and gradually increase that time week per week.