Toddler transitions

[KDENISE977]

Is it possible to move him in phases? That would be my suggestion. My kid doesn't like change either. Some changes are easier than others. Have him spend just part of the time in the new class to start off with and gradually increase that time week per week.

They usually do that, they were trying to just start off from like 9:15-11:30 and it's been a week and they can't get him to stay any longer than about 45 minutes. I know it's a catch 22, do you want him getting upset and hating the new room and teacher or do you want him to think if he cries enough "he wins" and gets to go back to where he's comfortable? :shrug: I don't know, I just can't stand to hear them say he is "not handling this good at all" and that the other teacher in the new room has no idea really how to deal with him.

 

[Bann]

They usually do that, they were trying to just start off from like 9:15-11:30 and it's been a week and they can't get him to stay any longer than about 45 minutes. I know it's a catch 22, do you want him getting upset and hating the new room and teacher or do you want him to think if he cries enough "he wins" and gets to go back to where he's comfortable? :shrug: I don't know, I just can't stand to hear them say he is "not handling this good at all" and that the other teacher in the new room has no idea really how to deal with him.

He's not ready. I know you're torn, but he is only 3 and I just think all kids have wide ranges of what is normal at this stage. The school shoudn't be making YOU feel guilty and I would think they would have a bit more patience when a child is not like "all the others". l don't think they should force him if he's not ready.

Maybe if he goes for a specific activity each day and then goes back to his other class he will begin to look forward to THAT and then they can add another, etc until he's ready.

 

[pebbles]

They usually do that, they were trying to just start off from like 9:15-11:30 and it's been a week and they can't get him to stay any longer than about 45 minutes. I know it's a catch 22, do you want him getting upset and hating the new room and teacher or do you want him to think if he cries enough "he wins" and gets to go back to where he's comfortable? :shrug: I don't know, I just can't stand to hear them say he is "not handling this good at all" and that the other teacher in the new room has no idea really how to deal with him.

Momma knows best, what is your guy telling you? From what you said, my first thought is well OBVIOUSLY (directed to teachers) he's NOT ready! If he's thinking about it in his sleep, it's really getting to him. I would tell them to leave him be until he is a little older.

 

[pebbles]

He's not ready. I know you're torn, but he is only 3 and I just think all kids have wide ranges of what is normal at this stage. The school shoudn't be making YOU feel guilty and I would think they would have a bit more patience when a child is not like "all the others". l don't think they should force him if he's not ready.

Maybe if he goes for a specific activity each day and then goes back to his other class he will begin to look forward to THAT and then they can add another, etc until he's ready.

^^^like!

 

[vraiblonde]

K, Denise, what are you going to do next year when he's supposed to start kindergarten?

I'ma break with the majority on this topic (surprise surprise) and opine that your son is channeling your anxiety. Do you socialize him outside of school? As in, does he have play dates and such? Do you and husband ever go out and leave him with a sitter? Does he ever spend the night at Grandma's or somewhere?

It's unusual for a child to be that stressed out for that long. Initial separation anxiety, you bet - normal as normal can be (and normal can be very normal when it wants to be). But for him to still be carrying on a week later, that's not normal. Anyway, the school is going to have to transition him gently because there's not a whole lot else they can do, but I'd work with him outside of school to get him used to new people and environments so he doesn't have this problem next year...and the year after that...and the year after that.

Surely you have family or friends who will help you socialize him. Heck, drop him off with Auntie Vrai. I like little kids - we can make ninjabread cookies and watch cartoons.

 

[KDENISE977]

K, Denise, what are you going to do next year when he's supposed to start kindergarten?

I'ma break with the majority on this topic (surprise surprise) and opine that your son is channeling your anxiety. Do you socialize him outside of school? As in, does he have play dates and such? Do you and husband ever go out and leave him with a sitter? Does he ever spend the night at Grandma's or somewhere?

It's unusual for a child to be that stressed out for that long. Initial separation anxiety, you bet - normal as normal can be (and normal can be very normal when it wants to be). But for him to still be carrying on a week later, that's not normal. Anyway, the school is going to have to transition him gently because there's not a whole lot else they can do, but I'd work with him outside of school to get him used to new people and environments so he doesn't have this problem next year...and the year after that...and the year after that.

Surely you have family or friends who will help you socialize him. Heck, drop him off with Auntie Vrai. I like little kids - we can make ninjabread cookies and watch cartoons.

and THIS maybe part of the problem too, I have no family anywhere around here, when they come to visit it's either Christmas or Thanksgiving for a few days and that's about it. And as far as play dates, he socializes well but us being older parents he really doesn't have them because most of our friends have older children. He is more attached to the teachers than any of the children in his class. When I go pick him up he's sometimes playing with other kids or he's sitting on the teachers lap playing with them.

At first my theory was "rip the band aid off" and just get it done...but i'm not so sure now.

 

[Bann]

K, Denise, what are you going to do next year when he's supposed to start kindergarten?

I'ma break with the majority on this topic (surprise surprise) and opine that your son is channeling your anxiety

...and then there's this - which I also agree with, and would have been my next answer.

There's always so many variances from kid to kid - so do give all the advice you get consideration...what works for one might not for the other.

And heck yeah, take Auntie Vrai up on her offer! He'll have a blast!!! :

 

[KDENISE977]

...and then there's this - which I also agree with, and would have been my next answer.

There's always so many variances from kid to kid - so do give all the advice you get consideration...what works for one might not for the other.

And heck yeah, take Auntie Vrai up on her offer! He'll have a blast!!! :

Yes, believe me, i'm taking everything in and appreciate all the advice, this new teacher had a conference with me yesterday and was VERY open to any suggestions I could come up with.
And yes, I TOTALLY get that my kid is overly emotional, he stops and hugs EVERY teacher he sees when we're leaving at night (annoying I'm sure)

I promised him if he did good with the Ms. (new teacher) this week, I'd take him to Sweet Frog on Friday after school.

 

[vraiblonde]

At first my theory was "rip the band aid off" and just get it done...but i'm not so sure now.

I wouldn't do that. Kids can scream for a very long time once they get on a roll and there's no sense traumatizing the child. Plus, my god, do you really want to have to think about that all day, him being so upset?

There are teachers and daycare providers on here who will hopefully weigh in with better advice than I can give you, but I do think at this point he's going to have to be eased into his new situation. Then your job is to try and help him be more independent.

 

[pebbles]

I wouldn't do that. Kids can scream for a very long time once they get on a roll and there's no sense traumatizing the child. Plus, my god, do you really want to have to think about that all day, him being so upset?

There are teachers and daycare providers on here who will hopefully weigh in with better advice than I can give you, but I do think at this point he's going to have to be eased into his new situation. Then your job is to try and help him be more independent.

Agreed!

 

[KDENISE977]

It's so funny looking back at some of these threads that really had me all stressed out kid now sleeps in his twin bed, by himself, does fantastic at school and just turned FOUR !!! I haven't killed him yet

 

[Roman]

Sweet!

 

[vraiblonde]

How cute!