Unnecessary Loss Of Life

[snfr02chic]

Speeding

I do agree with my Aunt on this one...there are cetain people who do not think before they speak and are not taking into consideration that we have to live with their comments for the time being. Whom ever created the saying that sticks and stones may break my bones but names can never hurt me...was an ignorant fool...yes maybe we shouldn't let other ppl's words hurt us BUT NEWS FLASH....THEY DO!!

As far as the speeding is concernced...just b/c this was a brand new car and is capable of going 100 (which I might add almost all cars today are "capable" of going that) does not mean that she was going 100!! This was a neighborhood, I do not know the speed limit of this particular area, but if it was 25 then at 30mph speed would have been a factor in her crash. I am not saying she was actually going that slow b/c none of us will ever positively know, but keep in mind that not all speeders are going 100mph...and yes when the airbags did not deploy that was a manufacterer's problem! We all buy cars expecting the safety features to actually work and when they don't, it isn't the driver's fault (usually) it is the cars fault.

And once again I agree with my Aunt...I just hope and pray that those of you making snub comments NEVER EVER EVER EVER have to go through this type of loss. I have lost both of my grandparent's, my dad and now my cousin, but as my Aunt has stated in the past...none of us truly know what a loss feels like until it is our child! I thank God that I have never lost a child and I hope I never have to, but I am sorry Aunt Terry that there are some people out there making sny remarks or comments. This was a car ACCIDENT...as I believe I stated, if she knew this was gonna happen she would'nt have gone. This is why teens are not as smart as adults. Like I said they don't think with all aspects of their brain...this is not just Amber, but almost every teen. I just hope and pray that this can be a life's lesson to more then just her family and close friends.

 

[snfr02chic]

And to add one more thing....I am firm believer in the statement that all things happen for a reason, and when it is our time to go we will go regardless. All of those thousands of drivers that were killed in accidents, yes the accident itself could have been prevented, but if that was God's timing for them, it doesn't matter how it would have happened, but it WOULD have happened. Just like all of the innocent drivers that were killed by the drunk or speeding etc...it was just as much their time to go as it was the others. I do think that the loss of this close family memeber has had a great impact on many different people. It is very possible that it took this loss to save several of her friends..and as I stated in my first post, maybe even myself!! I know for a fact several people close to me have changed their driving routines etc...and I do whole-heartidly believe that that was the purpose of this loss.

 

[snfr02chic]

Ok...1 more comment and then I'm done for a while...vrailblonde....I think you must have missed the part that my Aunt said she was not taking up for her daughter's actions..she realized what she did was wrong..we all do! and my Aunt has gotten the strength to stand up and talk to several teens about this situation, which I think has helped everyone...

You have 4 kids obviously...would you be so quick to jump on my aunt's back if God forbid it was your child? How do you think you would feel if people had nothing better to do in today's society but sit around and create a forum and bash your lost child? Do you think you would just sit by and say oh ok, whatever? HELL NO you wouldn't!! You would be just as upset as my aunt and the rest of my family by this. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion yes...but when your opinion is bashing a lost child or their parents then it isn't an opinion anymore...it is rude, hurtful and just down-right uncalled for! I just can't believe the audacity that some people have to be so inconsiderate, I mean why is it so hard for people today to put themselves in anyone else's shoes? Honestly...I don't think anyone of you today know what my Aunt is going through...again we aren't posting to try to start a fight, but if someone is putting your children down won't you take up for them?? I believe so, and the fact that this child is gone makes it even worse. She made a mistake and now we are all left paying for it..it is hard enough without everyone else sitting back and judging..so please...mom says "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!!"

 

[PrepH4U]

Ok...1 more comment and then I'm done for a while...vrailblonde....I think you must have missed the part that my Aunt said she was not taking up for her daughter's actions..she realized what she did was wrong..we all do! and my Aunt has gotten the strength to stand up and talk to several teens about this situation, which I think has helped everyone...

You have 4 kids obviously...would you be so quick to jump on my aunt's back if God forbid it was your child? How do you think you would feel if people had nothing better to do in today's society but sit around and create a forum and bash your lost child? Do you think you would just sit by and say oh ok, whatever? HELL NO you wouldn't!! You would be just as upset as my aunt and the rest of my family by this. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion yes...but when your opinion is bashing a lost child or their parents then it isn't an opinion anymore...it is rude, hurtful and just down-right uncalled for! I just can't believe the audasity that some people have to be so inconsiderate, I mean why is it so hard for people today to put themselves in anyone else's shoes? Honestly...I don't think anyone of you today know what my Aunt is going through...again we aren't posting to try to start a fight, but if someone is putting your children down won't you take up for them?? I believe so, and the fact that this child is gone makes it even worse. She made a mistake and now we are all left paying for it..it is hard enough without everyone else sitting back and judging..so please...mom says "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!!"

I am sorry for your loss and pain.

 

[snfr02chic]

Thank you very much!! And thank you to the rest of you who have expressed your condolences..more so to my Aunt then myself...but that is what this board should be about..the sorrow of losing a child...not the judgement...but again THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH!!!!

 

[Ken King]

Sorry about the loss of the young child, but can any of this truly be attributed to the failure of the car, more directly the air bags? From what I have read the vehicle slid off the road into a tree. Nothing has been said about the angle of impact, if it was a side impact or a frontal impact. Be advised the main driver air bag (in steering column) rarely goes off on anything but a front impact. Couple this with the fact that the driver was not wearing a seat belt and that is probably the key factor in the sever outcome of the accident.

 

[snfr02chic]

Yes, in my opinion the airbags should have gone off, after seeing the vehicle etc, there was no excuse as to why they didn't. Most new cars have certain safety features that have multiple spots on the car it set off the airbags. I think I will end this topic at this, there are certain situations that the newspapers aren't going to tell you..and not saying that they produced fake info. but don't always believe what you read and don't believe what you read is the whole story.

 

[vraiblonde]

would you be so quick to jump on my aunt's back if God forbid it was your child?

WHERE did I jump on her back?????

but when your opinion is bashing a lost child or their parents then it isn't an opinion anymore

WHERE did I bash the girl?????

 

[Ken King]

Yes, in my opinion the airbags should have gone off, after seeing the vehicle etc, there was no excuse as to why they didn't. Most new cars have certain safety features that have multiple spots on the car it set off the airbags. I think I will end this topic at this, there are certain situations that the newspapers aren't going to tell you..and not saying that they produced fake info. but don't always believe what you read and don't believe what you read is the whole story.

Well I've only read it here and not in a paper or online or anywhere else. If you think they should have activated I'll take you at what you know. But what I can't get beyond is that the seatbelt wasn't used. Most of today's smart airbags have sensors in the seats and the seatbelts that cue the airbag system and lacking a connected seatbelt that could have been the reason for no activation. Not having seen the circuits for this type vehicle I am unsure of why they wouldn't have deployed. Also unless that car had the sidebag option the airbags would only activate from a frontal collision.

 

[happy2bmom]

Amber Rose

I have been reading what has been written about Amber's death. Some of you are supportive of the family and some...well you are just living in a dream world. In a perfect world our children would not be driving while drinking, speeding, doing drugs or anything else teens do. But we do not live in that world. I knew Amber since she was a little girl. Was she perfect..no but neither is my teen or yours. Did the parents know where Amber was that night? They thought so, I ask where my child is going, I just hope she is telling the truth but I could be wrong. Was she forced to drink? No but I'm sure just like most teens she thought nothing bad would happen to her.

Some of you people talk like Amber's parents are to blame because they were not responsible parents. Amber was a beautiful young lady. She was 16 years old, had already graduated from High School, getting ready for college. She had a good job and bought her first new car. It sounds like her parents did pretty damn good to me.

Most teens will go to parties and just like Amber they will drink, and we all pray that they do not get behind the wheel of a car but teens have bad judgement and drinking will just make that judgement worse. She made a huge mistake. One that cost her her life, and one that will haunt her family and friends for the rest her theirs.

As horrible as it was, this was an accident, stop judging Amber and her family. All of our teens could make that same mistake.

 

[Steve]

snfr02chic

I think the real issue here is that the young girl was not known by anyone on the forums except by the family that is now posting.

Occurrences like this in the County are always discussed on these forums. No one is making rude comments just to be rude. People are looking at this situation objectively because of their "non-relationship" to the victim. Don't bash them for doing that; it really isn't personal. All of us have dealt with personal losses in our lives, and sometimes we share those losses here, with our friends. (Yes, many of us here know each other in real life.)

When I saw you and your aunt start posting about this tragedy, I was expecting exactly what has happened now. You are passionate about her death, as you should be. But everyone else is dispassionate, because we didn't know her. Don't let that sway your opinion about the people on here talking about it.

When I was 17 (20 years ago), I drove a '73 Cadillac Coupe D'Ville that my parents gave me. A big ass tank car, certainly not something a new driver should have. I never drank and drove, but I'd smoke some weed and hop in that hoopty and cruise well below the speed limit. The problem was that my high brain would never compensate for the sheer weight of that vehicle, so I was always screeching to a stop, since I used the brakes only at the last minute.

My point is that your cousin made a bad choice, one that more mature people might noodle through before accepting. And she paid for it with her life. It sucks immensely, yes. But it happened nonetheless. She chose not to wear a seatbelt, which probably would have saved her life. And she was drinking, with nary enough experience driving to be able to compensate. It's not the fault of the manufacturer that the airbags didn't deploy, unless a flaw was found in the subsequent investigation.

The real question is: Why did she leave wherever she was in order to get home? And drive such a long way to do it.

 

[snfr02chic]

Blonde...I am not just talking about you..please understand that, I'm sorry if my frustration came out towards only you, it was not meant that way.

I am very sorry to everyone if I have seemed short tempered with this situation, but please please try to understand where we are coming from.

I understand what you are saying about the seatbelts, but I can only tell you that they should have gone off. I will not get into details, but I know for a fact that they should have gone off.

I thank you Happy2bmom for taking up for my aunt! I don't think some people realize how hard it is her for at this present time without everyone making negative comments. Like I said before...the only thing that is left to talk about my cousin is that if any of you would like to continue to express your sorrow for the loss. I am not calling anyone ignorant, but when people who are ignorant of the entire situation start talking and asking innocent questions, it leaves the family feeling responsible to educate everyone to a certain extent. And again not to sound rude, but just to let everyone know..I am only 22..and quite honestly (not patting myself on the back)I think that I have handled this situation in a completely mature manner. I just hope and pray that you guys can do this from now on. We don't want to fight, we don't want to argue..please just try to be a little tiny bit more sympathetic...you can't even understand how much it would help us get through this with everyone's support instead of their judgement and negativity...thanks!!

 

[Wenchy]

My heartfelt condolences go out to Amber's family and friends.

I also want to apologize for the way this forum can be. I choose to stay because there are many good people here, there are also good people who will take any topic and run with it, not thinking of people's feelings reading the postings.

I was one of those kids who did not drive. I placed my life in the hands of my driving friends, who were responsible, and did not drink at all the field (keg) parties we had back in the 80's.

However, I was at a party, and not at the movies, or at a sleepover. Teenagers do make mistakes, they lie or twist truth, and just my being in a car after midnight put me and my friends in danger from other drunk drivers, not to mention the inexperience and late night driving.

My daughter will not drive until she can pay for her own car and insurance. Being that she is college bound and fully scholarship funded, she may not have a license to drive until she graduates from college. That is up to her.

I lost friends in high school the way Amber died. I am preventing my child the best that I can, from being in that predicament. She also is not allowed to go anywhere with her friends unless mommy drives and chaperones.

I learned when my younger sister's best friend catapulted through her windshield at the age of 16. It was a party, and my sister had lied to my mom and told her she would be with her, she was with a boy at his house instead. Teenagers.

Mine is under lock and key.

May many learn from Amber.

 

[snfr02chic]

Steve....I know that I personally am not judging anyone here! I do not have anything against anyone on this forum, but as I stated

1) yes the airbags should have gone off
2) you can not understand how my aunt feels at this point..I can't even understand it because I have never lost a child.

If most of you know each other on this board, then of course you are all going to stick together...just as my family will do. We are going to stick together and ask the rest of you that you please try to be supportive and not judgmental. IMHO, there have been a few posts on here that have been quite rude, and completely uncalled for. The rest of the comments may have just been innocent questions that people were asking to be more educated of the situation...that is fine. As humans we are curious and everyone wants to know what is going on, it's natural. Our comments where not made to those of you just asking ?'s....our comments were to the few of you that had seemed quite rude in your comments.
Amber left the party yes....but no she did not drive a long way before she had the accident....this again is an innocent question, but it IS a question that brings up memories. We are just trying to help all of you understand where we are coming from in this situation...so far everyone is beign defensive and not trying to see it from our purspective.

 

[vraiblonde]

As horrible as it was, this was an accident

Right. So someone gets all drunked up and jumps in their car and kills themselves or someone else - just an accident. Couldn't have been prevented. Nothing she could have done differently to change the outcome.

Well, let me tell you something: one of our forum members had her step-daughter killed by a drunk driver. Why don't you tell HER that it was "just an accident"? I'm sure she feels REAL sorry for the family of the guy that murdered her step-daughter because he just HAD to have all that booze and then drive his stupid self home.

I'm done with this topic. Ya'll sob on each others shoulders and curse the mean people who DIDN'T drive drunk and kill someone.

 

[Wenchy]

I think the real issue here is that the young girl was not known by anyone on the forums except by the family that is now posting.
Occurrences like this in the County are always discussed on these forums. No one is making rude comments just to be rude. People are looking at this situation objectively because of their "non-relationship" to the victim. Don't bash them for doing that; it really isn't personal. All of us have dealt with personal losses in our lives, and sometimes we share those losses here, with our friends. (Yes, many of us here know each other in real life.)

Perhaps the "always" discussed should be done in PM's if you are truly concerned about what goes on in "your" county.

Reading about a loved one's loss on a supposedly "impersonal" thread will send daggers through somebody's heart. Think about that. Just because they may not post, doesn't mean they do not read.

When I saw you and your aunt start posting about this tragedy, I was expecting exactly what has happened now. You are passionate about her death, as you should be. But everyone else is dispassionate, because we didn't know her. Don't let that sway your opinion about the people on here talking about it.

It swayed me for a long time. Now, I'm just going to say what *******s some of you all are when something like this occurs close to home. There IS somebody close to the victim reading, and all that is necessary ( when close to home ) is compassion.

 

[snfr02chic]

Thank you very much for understanding and sticking up for my family!

 

[Ken King]

Steve....I know that I personally am not judging anyone here! I do not have anything against anyone on this forum, but as I stated

1) yes the airbags should have gone off
2) you can not understand how my aunt feels at this point..I can't even understand it because I have never lost a child.

If most of you know each other on this board, then of course you are all going to stick together...just as my family will do. We are going to stick together and ask the rest of you that you please try to be supportive and not judgmental. IMHO, there have been a few posts on here that have been quite rude, and completely uncalled for. The rest of the comments may have just been innocent questions that people were asking to be more educated of the situation...that is fine. As humans we are curious and everyone wants to know what is going on, it's natural. Our comments where not made to those of you just asking ?'s....our comments were to the few of you that had seemed quite rude in your comments.
Amber left the party yes....but no she did not drive a long way before she had the accident....this again is an innocent question, but it IS a question that brings up memories. We are just trying to help all of you understand where we are coming from in this situation...so far everyone is beign defensive and not trying to see it from our purspective.

First, I think all of us know first hand or at least can imagine the pain that your family is dealing with. I know I fully understand the pain from the loss of a youth by an accident of this nature.

Second, defensive is what I see as how you are acting and it is fully and totally understandable. After all the subject of this discussion was one of your family, but this forum, as mentioned, delves into many sensitive areas and occurrences of the local area. It is part of what this forum is.

Next, the discussion, while painful for some, could be beneficial for others with children starting to drive and the perils that they will face and as such can result in some good or positive experience from your loss.

Additionally, I don’t see this as an us versus them sort of thing. There is curiosity, morbidity, asinine behavior, and just about a full spectrum of reasons why people are commenting such as they are. And as I already said, many will see this as something important to discuss with their children.

Finally, if this is too painful for you, your family or friends to read the comments then I recommend that you not worry so much about what others are saying and just deal with your loss void of the irritation/pain that this conversation is causing you.

 

[kwillia]

Next, the discussion, while painful for some, could be beneficial for others with children starting to drive and the perils that they will face and as such can result in some good or positive experience from your loss.

Additionally, I don’t see this as an us versus them sort of thing. There is curiosity, morbidity, asinine behavior, and just about a full spectrum of reasons why people are commenting such as they are. And as I already said, many will see this as something important to discuss with their children.

Thank you, Ken. I have been sitting here trying to find the right words. As the mother of a 13 and 10 year old, discussions such as this put things into perspective and make me think "outside the box" when it comes to parenting. It also brings specific things to light of which I discuss in length with my kids.

 

[BS Gal]

I am going to get red for this, but I think some people are being real insensitive here. The girl was young, she made a mistake, she didn't hurt anyone else, and what this family needs is sympathy in their loss, not criticism. I swear this entire thread has almost made me think about just dropping out of the entire forum. Please have some sympathy. Let them grieve and grieve with them and quit making judgments. It could be your kid next. JMHO