UPDATE : Question about Grown children

[rdkarob]

Well, my father who is dying of cancer did not get a phone call from my son on his birthday. Feb 20th....my sons birthday was yesterday....NOT one person called him....on purpose....

He called his mother, cussed her out and told he to tell our family that he has now disowned us for not calling him..... She told him that now he knows how if has felt for the past few years.....he proceeds to tell her that he is the kid and it should not matter....

Maybe 2 wrongs don't make a right but I have come the the conclusion that he is so selfish...yep...loser..he called his mother again to tell her that he doesn't need our money for college..THANK GOD...SHE TELLS HIM, WE ARE ALL BROKE, THEN HE HUNG UP ON HER. He lives in Maine so believe me if he lived in the area I would have went to his house to

 

[LordStanley]

If he is older than 18, pull his money and let the selfish SOB fend for himself

 

[mingiz]

Well, my father who is dying of cancer did not get a phone call from my son on his birthday. Feb 20th....my sons birthday was yesterday....NOT one person called him....on purpose....

He called his mother, cussed her out and told he to tell our family that he has now disowned us for not calling him..... She told him that now he knows how if has felt for the past few years.....he proceeds to tell her that he is the kid and it should not matter....

Maybe 2 wrongs don't make a right but I have come the the conclusion that he is so selfish...yep...loser..he called his mother again to tell her that he doesn't need our money for college..THANK GOD...SHE TELLS HIM, WE ARE ALL BROKE, THEN HE HUNG UP ON HER. He lives in Maine so believe me if he lived in the area I would have went to his house to

Good for her! I had a son like that...But after I got over my feelings of being hurt. It turns out Life is fine without him & his.....

 

[LuckyDog4]

Some kids just don't appreciate much. You can try and be the best parent you can be, but some kids just don't seem to absorb what you try and teach them. I think maybe he won't ever get the picture, but your your sake, I hope he does.

 

[wunsent]

Some kids just don't appreciate much. You can try and be the best parent you can be, but some kids just don't seem to absorb what you try and teach them. I think maybe he won't ever get the picture, but your your sake, I hope he does.

And thank you for the update. I think it's good that Mom didn't pull any punches. It'll be interesting to see if he comes around groveling at some point or acts like it never even happened.

 

[LuckyDog4]

And thank you for the update. I think it's good that Mom didn't pull any punches. It'll be interesting to see if he comes around groveling at some point or acts like it never even happened.

He may not grovel for a while. Life is not good without family. He'll come around when he grows up, probably, and realizes what an azz he was.... or maybe not. :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

She told him that now he knows how if has felt for the past few years.....

Good for her! Tell her to stick to her guns!

 

[rdkarob]

If he is older than 18, pull his money and let the selfish SOB fend for himself

21!!!!

 

[Oz]

I'm all for teaching kids a lesson. But not at the expense of communication and decency. Set the example and reinforce the point. Don't send money or baby the boy. But two wrongs don't make this situation right. Talk to him and wish him Happy Birthday for goodness sakes.

Without knowing all of the dynamics over the years, it's difficult for any of us to judge but I certainly don't find anything heartwarming about a parent who didn't take the opportunity to wish their child a happy birthday. I know parents who wish their children, no matter how bad they were, were still here to call. Hopefully you can mend your situation before anger and bitterness takes over and makes that impossible.

 

[Redskinsmama]

I'm all for teaching kids a lesson. But not at the expense of communication and decency. Set the example and reinforce the point. Don't send money or baby the boy. But two wrongs don't make this situation right. Talk to him and wish him Happy Birthday for goodness sakes.

Without knowing all of the dynamics over the years, it's difficult for any of us to judge but I certainly don't find anything heartwarming about a parent who didn't take the opportunity to wish their child a happy birthday. I know parents who wish their children, no matter how bad they were, were still here to call. Hopefully you can mend your situation before anger and bitterness takes over and makes that impossible.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm all for teaching kids a lesson. But not at the expense of communication and decency. Set the example and reinforce the point. Don't send money or baby the boy. But two wrongs don't make this situation right. Talk to him and wish him Happy Birthday for goodness sakes.

Did you miss this part?

He called his mother, cussed her out and told he to tell our family that he has now disowned us for not calling him

I don't know about you, but if I ever called my mother and cussed her out, she'd slap the taste out of my mouth. Not getting a birthday call would be the LEAST of my problems.

No one should have to take abuse - not even parents. Mom did the right thing. When Jr. can act like a civilized human being, then he can get a birthday call. Not until.

 

[Oz]

Did you miss this part?


I don't know about you, but if I ever called my mother and cussed her out, she'd slap the taste out of my mouth. Not getting a birthday call would be the LEAST of my problems.

No one should have to take abuse - not even parents. Mom did the right thing. When Jr. can act like a civilized human being, then he can get a birthday call. Not until.

I disagree. Its a birthday. Happens once per year, and you never know when you're not going to have another one.

I said before in the other thread that they should mail him a birthday card with a list of important dates and a telephone calling card included. That's decent and gets the message across loud and clear especially if he is expecting a good present.

As for the child calling and cussing the parent out. No, not acceptable. But this is the beginning of a chain of bitterness that someone needs to stop, and I think that's the parents job.

Spoiled kid doesn't communicate with family on important dates leads to family who didn't call on kids birthday leads to kid who called and cussed parent out on birthday - things are definitely on a downhill slide... Who's winning? Both sides can keep scoring points and no one is going to come out the winner.

 

[wunsent]

Did you miss this part?


I don't know about you, but if I ever called my mother and cussed her out, she'd slap the taste out of my mouth. Not getting a birthday call would be the LEAST of my problems.

No one should have to take abuse - not even parents. Mom did the right thing. When Jr. can act like a civilized human being, then he can get a birthday call. Not until.

I agree 100%! Same applies to me if I'd ever spoken to my mother that way. I don't agree with a lot of choices my mother has made, but I still respect her because she is my mother.

 

[Sharon]

But this is the beginning of a chain of bitterness that someone needs to stop, and I think that's the parents job.

It seems like the chain of bitterness (as you call it) has been overlooked by family members in the past and they've had enough.

I'm sure the parents still love their son. Junior is wrong and he got a taste of what his family has been dealing with for a long time, mainly his selfishness and lack of interest for anyone else. Expecting the parents to cave now will only reinforce his lack of appreciation for his family. He disowned them. He should call to apologize.

 

[rdkarob]

I disagree. Its a birthday. Happens once per year, and you never know when you're not going to have another one.

I said before in the other thread that they should mail him a birthday card with a list of important dates and a telephone calling card included. That's decent and gets the message across loud and clear especially if he is expecting a good present.

As for the child calling and cussing the parent out. No, not acceptable. But this is the beginning of a chain of bitterness that someone needs to stop, and I think that's the parents job.

Spoiled kid doesn't communicate with family on important dates leads to family who didn't call on kids birthday leads to kid who called and cussed parent out on birthday - things are definitely on a downhill slide... Who's winning? Both sides can keep scoring points and no one is going to come out the winner.

Let me explain something, he is not a child, he called everyone on Saturday to make sure everyone remembered his birthday on Sunday, he is 21 years old. Yes my wife and I sent him a card, thats it, and my ex and her hubby sent him a card and that is it, I guess he will get them today. No money in them what so ever. That is all I need to do for him, as far as him cussing his mother out....totally unacceptable, by the way, he left a message on my cell, he never wants to talk to us again. fine with me, I love him, I will always be there for him, sick of him and his ways, yes. And NO he was not raised this way, had to get a job pay for his own way. by the way, the college money he doesn't need will be going into my daughters fund and my ex will be putting her saved money into her other sons...he doesn't want our f-ing money!!!!!No one is scoring points on either side I am just sick of the way he uses people. No one in our entire family has heard form him since December 17th when he came to Maryland to get his X-mas present, not Thanks or calls....now that his b day was yesterday.....hmmmmm, funny how even Grandparents didn't call just sent a card as well..

 

[vraiblonde]

I said before in the other thread that they should mail him a birthday card with a list of important dates and a telephone calling card included. That's decent and gets the message across loud and clear especially if he is expecting a good present.

I still think that's a stroke of genius.

If it were me, I'd have sent the card with the addresses and dates. If my kid then called me and proceeded to cuss me out, s/he wouldn't get more than a word out before I'd tell them that I'm not going to listen to that sort of thing and they can call again when they can act like a civilized human being. *click*

Then it's on them. This isn't some little kid we're talking about - he's old enough to have his own home, drink in a bar and drive a vehicle. He's certainly old enough to show common respect to his parents.

Tough love, baby. I dig it

 

[Oz]

Let me explain something, he is not a child, he called everyone on Saturday to make sure everyone remembered his birthday on Sunday, he is 21 years old. Yes my wife and I sent him a card, thats it, and my ex and her hubby sent him a card and that is it, I guess he will get them today. No money in them what so ever. That is all I need to do for him, as far as him cussing his mother out....totally unacceptable, by the way, he left a message on my cell, he never wants to talk to us again. fine with me, I love him, I will always be there for him, sick of him and his ways, yes. And NO he was not raised this way, had to get a job pay for his own way. by the way, the college money he doesn't need will be going into my daughters fund and my ex will be putting her saved money into her other sons...he doesn't want our f-ing money!!!!!No one is scoring points on either side I am just sick of the way he uses people. No one in our entire family has heard form him since December 17th when he came to Maryland to get his X-mas present, not Thanks or calls....now that his b day was yesterday.....hmmmmm, funny how even Grandparents didn't call just sent a card as well..

Hopefully this is the tough love that makes a difference.

BUT if this doesn't work, then what?

 

[mv_princess]

Hopefully this is the tough love that makes a difference.

BUT if this doesn't work, then what?

Then it sounds like he is on is his own. Which is what he wants. And is what everyone seems to want.

It sounds like a good plan to me.

 

[vraiblonde]

Then it sounds like he is on is his own.

And there you have it. After a certain age, we don't owe our children anything. They EARN it or they don't get it. And that includes respect.

 

[mv_princess]

And there you have it. After a certain age, we don't owe our children anything. They EARN it or they don't get it. And that includes respect.

That's what happens in my house. I wouldnt dare think about saying that to my mother or father.

But then I don't think I am better off with out them either.