UPDATE : Question about Grown children

[caramelalb]

If we are busy ourselves, we are detached.
If we offer advice, we are controlling.
If we refrain, we are disinterested.
If we visit often, we are pests.
If we don't, we are thought uncaring.
If we hide our needs, we are martyrs.
If we reveal our needs, we are demanding.
If we provide for our old age, we are selfish.
If we don't provide, we are burdens.
If we don't pitch in, they question our competency.
If we do pitch in, we question their competency.
If all of this is true, we might as well do as we wish, and do it outrageously.

 

[virgovictoria]

A simple phone call or card, to me, is what let's me know that I'm important to you, each year, same month, same date. If you're preoccupied with dealing with cancer - a relative with cancer - then I'd probably want to be there too, being with the family. I am not the angy person described in this scenario, but have had my siblings ALL forget my birthday one year and it crushed me. When my closest remembered, I laughingly told him that our family sucked! But certainly wouldn't tirade about disowning anyone

I like a lot of what Oz had to post. Our family has come a stretch of a ways since the days of my folks running things. Righting wrongs, showing more. Less hissy fits, I guess.

 

[crzy1]

Did you miss this part?


I don't know about you, but if I ever called my mother and cussed her out, she'd slap the taste out of my mouth. Not getting a birthday call would be the LEAST of my problems.

No one should have to take abuse - not even parents. Mom did the right thing. When Jr. can act like a civilized human being, then he can get a birthday call. Not until.

Totally-If I called my mom and did that, I wouldn't be able to talk or walk for a very long time.

 

[gigi6]

I've been reading.....

And so far.......this thread has made me feel better.

My son, 28, has decided to E-MAIL ME a letter telling me what a horrible mother I am, how I "have no cuth", how he would never raise his children the way I raised him and his sibling, blah, blah, blah. No matter what I have ever done in life - its wrong in his eyes. End of the story? I am basically a failure as a mother and a real embarassment for him.

All of this because I voiced my opinion about a decision he had made. This is the fourth time this child has treated me this way, too. Each time I have been the one to try and work things out, etc. However - after the 2nd e-mail he sent complaining about how I treat my other grandkids better than his kids (I will watch the grandkids at the drop of a hat - if my kids ask me to! He never asked! And when I have watched them? I'm wrong with how I let them.............whatever).

I have given so much of myself to this kid to try and keep a good relationship with him, but now? I'm tired! I haven't spoke to him in a few months and guess what????????? NO MORE DRAMA! I literally cried myself to sleep for weeks because I kept thinking, 'what did I do wrong'; 'what could I have done better?". Well guess what?????????? NO A DAMN THING!

These kids are grown adults, made their own decisions and need to stop having us parents clean up their messes! My parents told me that the hardest thing you can do as a parent is to let you children FALL ON THEIR AZZES! Let them learn from their mistakes!

After reading this thread - I realize that I am not the only person who has this happen to them. Its just so odd how I would never, ever do something like this to my parents, but somehow our kids grew up feeling they are "entitled" to anything and everything!

 

[Charles]

This 21 year old has lots of symptoms of cocaine.