What do you think (opinions needed)

[missperky]

Two posts back, I asked if he would rather just punish her, never mind that there might actually be a reason for her acting that way, and he answered with "two wrongs dont make a right". Mind you we are talking about a 9 year old girl here. Children have a hard enough time comprehending right and wrong on their own when they're not being abused.

After all... punishing a child if they are abused would be like the cops telling you it's your fault someone robbed you just because you left a window open and they got through the screen and stole your stuff. Victimizing the victim.

:shakeshead:

 

[vraiblonde]

I think people these days blow everything out of proportion. Now kids can't be kids with natural curiousity, and if you so much as look at a kid wrong, you're branded a pedophile and the witch hunt is on.

it never hurts to call a counselor at a local school

Actually it can not only hurt, but it can tear a family apart over nothing. Because if the kid isn't messed up, they will be by the time the counselors and cops get done with them. Once you make a report about something like that, now that family is under suspicion and their lives will never be the same. Their friends. Their neighbors. Their co-workers. Their classmates. EVERYONE will know that the family is being investigated for child sexual abuse.

If CitySherry thinks she needs to "say" something, she should talk to the Mom and that be the end of it. Personally, I think this is reasonably normal behavior and should be handled with a "young lady, this is not how we do, let alone destroying someone else's property". End of story.

 

[JeweledSkye]

I think people these days blow everything out of proportion. Now kids can't be kids with natural curiousity, and if you so much as look at a kid wrong, you're branded a pedophile and the witch hunt is on.


Actually it can not only hurt, but it can tear a family apart over nothing. Because if the kid isn't messed up, they will be by the time the counselors and cops get done with them. Once you make a report about something like that, now that family is under suspicion and their lives will never be the same. Their friends. Their neighbors. Their co-workers. Their classmates. EVERYONE will know that the family is being investigated for child sexual abuse.

If CitySherry thinks she needs to "say" something, she should talk to the Mom and that be the end of it. Personally, I think this is reasonably normal behavior and should be handled with a "young lady, this is not how we do, let alone destroying someone else's property". End of story.

So instead of talking to a third party who may simply be able to sit down and talk to the kid and see if maybe it's simply child's curiosity, we instead go to the mother who may very well be the one doing the abusing/or is aware of it and leave the child to fend for themselves? That's like going to the parent of a child who comes to school with bruises and mentions "I thought you should know" without thinking about the fact that you may be causing more bruises in the end.

I'm not saying this is an easy fix, but when it comes to a child's well being, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm not saying this is an easy fix, but when it comes to a child's well being, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Define "safe".

Having a family destroyed over allegations? Is that your idea of safe?

How about having a kid humiliated by being interrogated by cops and counselors? Is that safe as well?

The incident that Sherry described doesn't sound all that ominous to me, and to blow it out of proportion and potentially do incredible harm is not the way to go. There are very serious consequences to calling in a child sexual abuse report, and you better be damn sure you know what you're talking about before you do it, cause the cops and counselors don't mess around when they get a report like that. They, too, feel it's better to be "safe" than sorry, and many times they'll jump the gun and start taking action on an allegation. Then the allegation is proven false, but the damage is already done.

 

[Cowgirl]

Define "safe".

Having a family destroyed over allegations? Is that your idea of safe?

How about having a kid humiliated by being interrogated by cops and counselors? Is that safe as well?

The incident that Sherry described doesn't sound all that ominous to me, and to blow it out of proportion and potentially do incredible harm is not the way to go. There are very serious consequences to calling in a child sexual abuse report, and you better be damn sure you know what you're talking about before you do it, cause the cops and counselors don't mess around when they get a report like that. They, too, feel it's better to be "safe" than sorry, and many times they'll jump the gun and start taking action on an allegation. Then the allegation is proven false, but the damage is already done.

I agree with you Vrai. Maybe if the girl had actually acted something out with the doll it would be something to question...but the girl is 9 years old. That is normal kid behavior. What do you think little 9 year old boys are drawing? They start early...and certainly kids that ages are exposed to sexuality in the media and other places.

 

[Bronwyn]

I think talking to the other childs mom is best as well. I remember at nine sneaking with my friend into her brothers room and flipping through his stash of Porn under his bed. Kids will explore things at that age.

I wonder what her motivation was though, exposing a 5 year old to it?

 

[bcp]

The "list of things..." that you're referring to, is it published somewhere? TIA

I think it is. let me search it out for you.

 

[bcp]

Define "safe".

Having a family destroyed over allegations? Is that your idea of safe?

How about having a kid humiliated by being interrogated by cops and counselors? Is that safe as well?

The incident that Sherry described doesn't sound all that ominous to me, and to blow it out of proportion and potentially do incredible harm is not the way to go. There are very serious consequences to calling in a child sexual abuse report, and you better be damn sure you know what you're talking about before you do it, cause the cops and counselors don't mess around when they get a report like that. They, too, feel it's better to be "safe" than sorry, and many times they'll jump the gun and start taking action on an allegation. Then the allegation is proven false, but the damage is already done.

this is all very true.
I would bring it up with the mother and see what her thoughts were. at least she could start watching a little closer at what is going on.

even if I just sent a letter without signing it.
before I went to the police or social services I would almost have to have something on film... but then I guess I would be just as guilty for not stopping it during filming.

 

[vraiblonde]

I wonder what her motivation was though, exposing a 5 year old to it?

A 9 year old doesn't think about a 5 year old as a baby who should be sheltered. To them it's just another kid and they wanted to be the big shot older and more "grown-up" one.

 

[Bronwyn]

A 9 year old doesn't think about a 5 year old as a baby who should be sheltered. To them it's just another kid and they wanted to be the big shot older and more "grown-up" one.

True. Some young girls want to impress on someone younger how mature and how much they know. I know I felt that way too.

 

[Wenchy]

Define "safe".

Having a family destroyed over allegations? Is that your idea of safe?

How about having a kid humiliated by being interrogated by cops and counselors? Is that safe as well?

The incident that Sherry described doesn't sound all that ominous to me, and to blow it out of proportion and potentially do incredible harm is not the way to go. There are very serious consequences to calling in a child sexual abuse report, and you better be damn sure you know what you're talking about before you do it, cause the cops and counselors don't mess around when they get a report like that. They, too, feel it's better to be "safe" than sorry, and many times they'll jump the gun and start taking action on an allegation. Then the allegation is proven false, but the damage is already done.

My daughter used to babysit the neighbor's children. I was right next door and we had an open door policy for her children to visit. The mother of these children became my closest friend over the course of the year.

My daughter cleaned for her, babysat, and we would have cookouts. They couldn't say enough good things about my daughter.

Her little one (3 year old) would come into my house to "hang" with me while his mother worked in the yard. The door was unlocked, and he knew he was welcome.

Much to my dismay, financial problems forced them to move back over the bridge.

My entire family went to the oldest son's birthday party in Annapolis after they moved. It turns out we were being "observed".

Next thing I knew, my daughter was being charged for sexually abusing the little one. "Shot gun kisses" (rapid kisses on the cheek..and I taught my daughter that one) The 3 year old could not adjust to suddenly having a new sibling, moving away from us, and started acting out. He no longer had attention like he did here.

His mother, accustomed to the "free" social programs available to her, took him to counseling.

All of the sudden, those shot gun kisses and the little boy asking to see "boobies" (mom and 2 of her friends were breastfeeding) were no longer seen as innocent requests.

It was dismissed after my entire family, her teachers. my son's teachers and neighbors were questioned and numerous "studies" conducted with the little boy (whom I love dearly) The hardest part was knowing a social worker was going to my son's elementary school to question him about inappropriate behavior. I never told the school the visit was coming, and my son never knew anything about the allegations against his sister.

We made it through, but I learned an important lesson (yet again) If my children are not abused by a family member or a neighbor/friend then they might be accused of something they did not do.

Keep them close to home.

I still miss my friend and her two boys. What happened when he showed signs of a sexual nature had nothing to do with anything physical. It was just a natural response to being yanked from a familiar environment and no longer getting the attention he was used to.

The only reason I can share this, is because it happened 2 years ago. It was a nightmare, but it has now faded a bit. The lesson is still there and what can happen to any of you.

 

[Wenchy]

See, you went there too....."concern about what is going on in that child's life." What/why would a child want to put adult body parts on a "baby doll's body"

I was very interested in body parts growing up (say ages 7-10) If not drawn on paper and scribbled out, the next best thing was playing doctor with the neighborhood kids.

I would say that it is natural.

The difference here is that it was an American Girl doll, and not the Baby Tender Love that I decided to give a mohawk. Those were relatively inexpensive.

Kids also go through puberty earlier nowadays.

Watch for the older children and adults. Young ones are learning but need to respect private property, and get in trouble (as I did) when caught playing doctor. Private things are private, and best done alone.

 

[Bronwyn]

After hearing what you went through it seems a bad idea to turn this family upside down just because she doodled on a doll.

Again, I would recommend just bringing it up to the mom if you feel comfortable doing so.

 

[citysherry]

Unfortunately, this little girl's mother and I don't speak now and haven't spoken to each other in the last four years (long story). I've come to the conclusion that since this didn't happen in my house and I'm not on speaking terms with them, I'm not saying anything. I did however, tell my sister-in-law that I thought it was strange and that maybe someone should take a closer look at what is going on with this child.

 

[2ndAmendment]

http://www.titus2menandwomen.org/ChildAbuse/WarningSigns/index2.shtml


#14...

Which could be dad and/or mom leaving porn lying around where the little girl could see it or letting her have unrestricted access to the Internet. Both of which is wrong and wrecks the innocence of the child but should be corrected by the family. Or it could be the result of sex education in school.

This is shaky ground. Be sure before stepping into something you should not.

 

[Bronwyn]

At 8 I had seen the centerfold pics in the "clubhouse" of a friends older brother.
At 9 We were sneaking under a bed to look at her older brothers penthouse.
At 10 I discovered my parents book "Joy of Sex"
At 10 we had Sex ed in school as well.

Pre-Internet, kids still had ways of getting info.

 

[vraiblonde]

Which could be dad and/or mom leaving porn lying around where the little girl could see it or letting her have unrestricted access to the Internet.

Any of those "symptoms" can be caused by something other than abuse, or else every single kid I've ever known in my life has been sexually abused.

I'm not saying anything

Good call

 

[vraiblonde]

At 8 I had seen the centerfold pics in the "clubhouse" of a friends older brother.
At 9 We were sneaking under a bed to look at her older brothers penthouse.
At 10 I discovered my parents book "Joy of Sex"
At 10 we had Sex ed in school as well.

Pre-Internet, kids still had ways of getting info.

In first grade I got caught by my mother "playing doctor" with the neighbor kid. Because that's what they called it back in saner days - playing doctor - and it was no cause for alarm. Just natural curiousity. Ma just told us to stop that, that's not how we do and things are called "privates" for a reason.

 

[2ndAmendment]

Any of those "symptoms" can be caused by something other than abuse, or else every single kid I've ever known in my life has been sexually abused.


Good call

Yep.

In first grade I got caught by my mother "playing doctor" with the neighbor kid. Because that's what they called it back in saner days - playing doctor - and it was no cause for alarm. Just natural curiousity. Ma just told us to stop that, that's not how we do and things are called "privates" for a reason.

And yep.