What to do...what to do. Need your opinion ladies.

F

Fat Momma

Guest
bulldog said:
I'm in my 40s (not that it matters) and divorced. Currently in a long term relationship with someone and we plan to get married in the not too distant future. Here is where I need some advice.
Way back when...I use to run marathons and other smaller races building up to marathons. As a matter of tradition, at each race they would present you with a T-Shirt for that particular run. They were usually logo type shirts that had a big print on the front of back...sorry, but I don't know how else to explain it. Anyway...after about 25 of these runs, my then wife (now ex) took all of the shirts (with my permission) and cut out the print/patch/logo...and sewed them all together to make a big quilt. On the back she stiched some endearing remark like All my love....and her name. I've kept it for years, but never exposed it to my new sweetie.
Well, we have recently purchased a home together and will be moving at the beginning of the month. We have agreed to my having a "man room" where I can do/display anything I want. I'd really like to display the quilt (REMOVING THE SENTIMENTALS....of course). I know she'll ask where I got it and of course I'd answer honestly. My question is...how would you take it? It has nothing to do with my ex making it for me and everything to do with wanting to keep the shirts as a memory of those races.
What say you ladies? Would I be a jerk for keeping it or am I justified in holding on to some of my past.
By the way...she still has some stuff that her ex bought her...although she never wears it.
Thanks for any input.
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I would be secure enough with myself and our relationship to not worry about things like that.....that was a part of your life and something you should have. If does make you love her any less. :huggy:
 
S

stormer41

New Member
If it was me, it wouldn't really matter. If she can't understand and accept who you are and what you did in the past with your life, then she shouldn't be a part of it. It's selish and childish behavior for someone to not accept another person for who they are.
My husband has a couple pictures of an old girlfriend that he keeps in his racing photo ablum. Yes, he showed them to me and told me about her when we were dating.
He keeps these pictures along with articles from a newspaper that he used to write for and did some freelance photography when he was in the Navy.
It doesn't bother me, yeah it's part of his past and so was she. But now he's with me, and I'm not going to make him throw it away just because he has a couple pictures of her at the races.
 
nachomama

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
stormer41 said:
If it was me, it wouldn't really matter. If she can't understand and accept who you are and what you did in the past with your life, then she shouldn't be a part of it. It's selish and childish behavior for someone to not accept another person for who they are.
My husband has a couple pictures of an old girlfriend that he keeps in his racing photo ablum. Yes, he showed them to me and told me about her when we were dating.
He keeps these pictures along with articles from a newspaper that he used to write for and did some freelance photography when he was in the Navy.
It doesn't bother me, yeah it's part of his past and so was she. But now he's with me, and I'm not going to make him throw it away just because he has a couple pictures of her at the races.
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EXACTLY! If you are 40 years old, then you have a past, and she has a past. The content depicts part of your past; just because it was a gift from an ex doesn't mean that you pine for her (do you?...). :whistle:

If you just bought a house together and are getting married soon, then she should be secure enough in your relationship to see it as a reminder of things that you've experienced - not as an unending momento from a love gone wrong.
 
W

Wenchy

Guest
bulldog said:
Well, we have recently purchased a home together and will be moving at the beginning of the month. We have agreed to my having a "man room" where I can do/display anything I want.
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That says it all right there. :yay:

I also don't live in a home with enough rooms for that, so it's never been an issue.
 
forever jewel

forever jewel

Green Eyed Lady
Tell her the truth. If she truly loves you, she loves every part of you and she'll appreciate that quilt. I think it'll turn out better than you think :huggy:
 
camily

camily

Peace
If the sentiments from the ex aren't there anymore then hang it. All this nicey nice talk is great, but a load of crap. I'd be pissed if I got married and moved to a new house and my husband said "Hey, my ex made this for me. I think I'll hang it in the "man room" that isn't for you anyway." But then again, I can be a petty biatch. My husband told me recently he once stole a real nice lighter from his girlfriend's mom back in the mid 80's. I knew the lighter because he collected them and it had her name "Elsie" or something like that on it. He never told me where it came from though, nor did I ask. Yeah, mental note made. As soon as he left I found the lighter and threw it away. :lol: He still doesn't know. :lmao:
I can understand your side completely, but I doubt she will be thrilled to have it right in her face. If she doesn't ask where it came from don't tell her. If she does, start your explanation with "That biatch so-and-so made it. I hate her but love the quilt." JK
 
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LexiGirl75

LexiGirl75

100% Goapele Head!
camily said:
If she doesn't ask where it came from don't tell her. If she does, start your explanation with "That biatch so-and-so made it. I hate her but love the quilt." JK
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I should go vote for you :love: You've cracked me up. :lmao:

Bulldog,

Too bad she didn't know you back when because all of this would not be in question. By the way I think he kind of knows she is going to give some amount of static, he really just wants us to help him build his argument which he so shouldn't have to.

He has already agreed to remove the sentimental part. That's a big sign right there that she is not his reason for keeping it. Maybe he should show her that part and then make it seem like her decision for it being removed.

If none of our advice works then ask her if she wants you to get rid of your :gossip: since your ex had her hands in that too? I think the argument might end there. :wink:
 
M

marianne

New Member
CandyRain said:
How she reacts has nothing to do with your ex making it but everything to do with how she feels in your relationship. My ex-husband could've draped a flag with his ex's picture on it and I wouldn't have blinked an eye. My ex-boyfriend, however, only had to mention he once had an ex and I was :burning: and :jameo: and :crazy:.
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Yup, what Candy said. If you're concerned that she might not like the quilt hanging on the wall, you may very well have good reason for that concern. You may also be concerned there would be an "accident" of some sort after the quilt had been hanging up for a while. In which case, it may be better to keep the quilt stored in a nice box in a closet somewhere. Just a thought.
 
bulldog

bulldog

New Member
Thanks very much for all of the replies. I'm actually very surprised that every single person said to keep it...which I plan on doing, but will remove the stitching as it is only the shirts that matter to me...not who made the quilt or what it said.
Thanks again. You guys rock :larry:
 
F

Fat Momma

Guest
You do what you want but that is a part of your life and you both are old enough not to be insecure. You cannot avoid the ex-lovers in your life and nor should you if the break up was not due to something really bad like abuse, and so on.

Your ex has moved on or will move on and even though she is no longer a part of your life should not mean that it did not happen. Enjoy the good things in life and put the petty shait aside.
 
crabcake

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
forever jewel said:
Tell her the truth.
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That will make all the difference. Don't try to :bs: around it's origin. Make it clear that it's the significance of the accomplishments that is memorable to you; not the way in which it's displayed.

In fact, is it possible you could take the quilt apart and do something different with the material ... like frame each t-shirt and arrange them on a wall? Maybe she'd be happy helping recreate your accomplishments in a new way. :shrug:
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Burn the quilt Dude..... All other advice is Political and will get ya sliced.

Love,

Kain
 
K

Kain99

Guest
bulldog said:
Thanks very much for all of the replies. I'm actually very surprised that every single person said to keep it...which I plan on doing, but will remove the stitching as it is only the shirts that matter to me...not who made the quilt or what it said.
Thanks again. You guys rock :larry:
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Didn't your Momma teach you that when you people tell ya what ya wanna hear..... Take heed?

Holy Shiat! You know the quilt idea is stupid or ya wouldn't have posed the question.

I wish her X had sewn all of his used rubbers together for display. I'd love to see it on your wall.
 
crabcake

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
Kain99 said:
Burn the quilt Dude..... All other advice is Political and will get ya sliced.

Love,

Kain
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:confused: Who's being "political"? We're talking about a record of his successes; not his stack of hustlers, or a secret diary with pictures about every time he banged his ex-wife.

This is where women screw up relationships ... thinking men think like they do about crap. He sees t-shirts from his marathons. She (in this case, Kain) sees the evil, mean, horrible ex-wife who's most definately still in love with him, and he clearly must be in love with her because he wants to keep this shrine she made for him.
 
K

Kain99

Guest
crabcake said:
:confused: Who's being "political"? We're talking about a record of his successes; not his stack of hustlers, or a secret diary with pictures about every time he banged his ex-wife.

This is where women screw up relationships ... thinking men think like they do about crap. He sees t-shirts from his marathons. She (in this case, Kain) sees the evil, mean, horrible ex-wife who's most definately still in love with him, and he clearly must be in love with her because he wants to keep this shrine she made for him.
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Call me when you have a successful relationship kk?
 
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