Who should pay for the wedding?
- Thread starter Chasey_Lane
- Start date
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
That's a very valid point.kwillia said:
LordStanley
I know nothing
Chasey,
We paid for our wedding It was my first and her second. My parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, and her's paid for her dress and pictures.
If I have to put a percentage behind it, Id Say we shelled out 80% of the wedding costs.
We paid for our wedding It was my first and her second. My parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, and her's paid for her dress and pictures.
If I have to put a percentage behind it, Id Say we shelled out 80% of the wedding costs.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Day and I paid every penny for ours...all in a matter of three weeks. :byebyesavings:LordStanley said:
Dymphna
Loyalty, Friendship, Love
I'm with Kwillia on this one. Depends.
Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for most, with the groom and/or his parents paying the minister and the rehersal dinner.
My mom didn't want me paying for stuff. We paid for a few things, but for the most part the bills went to mom and she paid them. That did mean, however, that she was in on many of the decisions. If something was really important to me, Mom would back down, but certain things were important to her too and I backed down. Mom had a small wedding because her parents were having a bad time with their business and couldn't afford to go all out, so Mom wanted certain things for me that she didn't have, like a fancy schmancy dress with lots of beads and embroidery. I could have been happy with simple, but she was having none of it and it wasn't really that important to me.
Now, if the parents can't afford to go all out and the couple wants to, they can pick up the tab. If it's the groom's family that insists on a big to-do for whatever reason, they can foot the bill. If the bride doesn't get along with her parents or they don't approve, they can't be expected to pay and it's up to the couple. If it's the bride's second marriage, the parent's can't be expected to pay, expecially if they paid the first time, but they may decide they want to anyway.
If everybody is happy that the wedding is happening and everyone wants to contribute everyone can pay. Just remember that those who are footing the bill, often want to call the shots and compromises must be made.
Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for most, with the groom and/or his parents paying the minister and the rehersal dinner.
My mom didn't want me paying for stuff. We paid for a few things, but for the most part the bills went to mom and she paid them. That did mean, however, that she was in on many of the decisions. If something was really important to me, Mom would back down, but certain things were important to her too and I backed down. Mom had a small wedding because her parents were having a bad time with their business and couldn't afford to go all out, so Mom wanted certain things for me that she didn't have, like a fancy schmancy dress with lots of beads and embroidery. I could have been happy with simple, but she was having none of it and it wasn't really that important to me.
Now, if the parents can't afford to go all out and the couple wants to, they can pick up the tab. If it's the groom's family that insists on a big to-do for whatever reason, they can foot the bill. If the bride doesn't get along with her parents or they don't approve, they can't be expected to pay and it's up to the couple. If it's the bride's second marriage, the parent's can't be expected to pay, expecially if they paid the first time, but they may decide they want to anyway.
If everybody is happy that the wedding is happening and everyone wants to contribute everyone can pay. Just remember that those who are footing the bill, often want to call the shots and compromises must be made.
LexiGirl75
100% Goapele Head!
I agree with the circumstances brought up especially Vince's. Parents would definitely have to be able to afford it and if a bride knows her parents can't she should not expect them to or try to beg and plea for them too. It might be a little embarrassing that your parents can't afford to foot the bill to your friends and fiance's family but it's more important not to be selfish and leave your parents with a burden for your own happiness.
In this day and age when you are in love it is hard to wait for a long time. If you get engaged on V-Day then you might want to get married by summer because no one wants to wait for more than a year to get married. The only people who stay engaged for a year or more are those who have been in a relationship forever already and feel no real rush.
I feel like in a year of engagement the couple can save up for the wedding expenses or clear up their debt and take out a loan from the credit union for about $5-15K for the wedding, honeymoon, etc. After they're married, together they can pay off that small loan (incomes will be combined).
In this day and age when you are in love it is hard to wait for a long time. If you get engaged on V-Day then you might want to get married by summer because no one wants to wait for more than a year to get married. The only people who stay engaged for a year or more are those who have been in a relationship forever already and feel no real rush.
I feel like in a year of engagement the couple can save up for the wedding expenses or clear up their debt and take out a loan from the credit union for about $5-15K for the wedding, honeymoon, etc. After they're married, together they can pay off that small loan (incomes will be combined).
workin hard
Icebox
Our parents covered about 90% of our wedding costs. We ended up paying for odds and ends. They set the amount they wanted to pay or specific items they wanted to pay for and we went from their. It was greatly appreciated too. Weddings are expensive!
If you can't afford to get married, you shouldn't. Saving up money to have the wedding of your dreams shows commitment and patience, which are good traits to develop when considering marriage. I know way too many girls who just wanted a big wedding and didn't really care about the being married part. My best girlfriend in high school was still paying off her wedding when she and her beloved divorced.
pixiegirl
Cleopatra Jones
My second, his first. We're paying for the brunt of it. I didn't ask/expect my parent to pay for anything even though my first marriage was at the court house. The fact alone that it will be my second says it's our responsibility. My mom on the other hand has offered to pay for certain things which is totally appreciated. I also very much agree that situations have to be taken into consideration. Divorce is so prevalent these days that I don't think that parents should be expected to pay for much of anything. I know that's a crappy way to look at it. I can't imagine how embarassed I'd of been leaving my first husband if my parents had laid out a bunch of money for us to have a big wedding. I'd feel somewhat obligated to stay in the marriage for some period of time even though the relationship was toxic. But on the other hand if the parents on either side want some big ordeal than they should pay for it and the bride/groom should not feel obligated to them at all. The question is too broad to give a simple answer. :shrug:
LexiGirl75
100% Goapele Head!
vraiblonde said:
You are right about that. Marriages are ending pretty quickly nowadays so acquiring excessive debt may not be worth it.
itsbob
I bowl overhand
vraiblonde said:
ANd it gets even worse if bridezilla knows someone else is footing the bill, and she OR he doesn't have to worry about making the payments.At what point would a parent NOT have to pay for what their child wants. If they are over 18 they should be making decisions (financial included) on their own, learning how to be responsible and frugal if they have to..
If my (for example) 25 year old son or daughter wants to get married, they should not EXPECT me to pay for it.
itsbob
I bowl overhand
That's ED ZACHARY right..kwillia said:
They're supposed to be adults.. let them act like it and take responsibility like one..
BadGirl
I am so very blessed
But I wouldn't want to do that, either. :shrug: People should pay for their own damn wedding.kwillia said:
P
PelyKat
Guest
I think the parents should state upfront what they will pay for or the amount they want to contribute, if any. My daughter's wedding was beautiful, but not outrageous. The kids paid for the venue, because they wanted it at a very expensive place. A very open hall in a small park. We had a 1
m mass with the recp't following.
We were lucky in that my sister caters, so it was done as several food stations with 2 wandering servers (another sister and her best friend). Beer and wine only at the Bar, (my brother and nephew as bartenders). Champagne for the toast only. (We got everything at cost, no mark-up, no labor charges-but we did pay the friend something for her time.)
She had a Harpist playing in the corner. Very pretty, one of her extras.
His parents paid for a very fancy rehearsal dinner. That was their choice. They were older and very traditional. The kids paid about half of everything else. They were both working at good jobs, and understood that if they wanted this, they had to help.
It was always understood that we would pay for college, or at least most of it. And then help as we were able for her wedding. But that by then she should be making enough to pay for a good part of it on her own. It worked out well.
Just wish the marriage had. But what can you do?
m mass with the recp't following.We were lucky in that my sister caters, so it was done as several food stations with 2 wandering servers (another sister and her best friend). Beer and wine only at the Bar, (my brother and nephew as bartenders). Champagne for the toast only. (We got everything at cost, no mark-up, no labor charges-but we did pay the friend something for her time.)
She had a Harpist playing in the corner. Very pretty, one of her extras.
His parents paid for a very fancy rehearsal dinner. That was their choice. They were older and very traditional. The kids paid about half of everything else. They were both working at good jobs, and understood that if they wanted this, they had to help.
It was always understood that we would pay for college, or at least most of it. And then help as we were able for her wedding. But that by then she should be making enough to pay for a good part of it on her own. It worked out well.
Just wish the marriage had. But what can you do?
W
Wenchy
Guest
I planned and paid for mine, and I expect both of my children to do the same.