KingFish
Nothing to see here
1. If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming
in to work. The voices told me to clean all the
guns today. (Kind of not funny as of late but
it's part of the source material.)
2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax
in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john,
but I feel happy about it.
3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour
and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent
18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop,
reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of
the power source of exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the
house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late, or early.
4. My stigmata's acting up.
5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking
my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for
work. OK?
6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but
I know we have that deadline to meet...
7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at
the Food Giant.
8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-
deficit disorder and, hey, how about them 49ers,
huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for
calling.
9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
10. I just found out that I was switched at birth.
Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my
employee records may now contain false information.
11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.
He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite
things when I am startled.
12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike
to the vet.
13. I prefer to remain an enigma.
14. My mother-in-law has come back as one of
the Undead, and we must track her to her coffin
to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.
15. I can't come to work today because the EPA
has determined that my house is completely
surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.
16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to
Gregorian.
17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest
rates.
18. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until
there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair
share.
in to work. The voices told me to clean all the
guns today. (Kind of not funny as of late but
it's part of the source material.)
2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax
in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john,
but I feel happy about it.
3. I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour
and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent
18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop,
reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was
able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of
the power source of exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the
house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the
snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late, or early.
4. My stigmata's acting up.
5. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking
my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for
work. OK?
6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but
I know we have that deadline to meet...
7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at
the Food Giant.
8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-
deficit disorder and, hey, how about them 49ers,
huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you?
No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for
calling.
9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
10. I just found out that I was switched at birth.
Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my
employee records may now contain false information.
11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.
He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite
things when I am startled.
12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike
to the vet.
13. I prefer to remain an enigma.
14. My mother-in-law has come back as one of
the Undead, and we must track her to her coffin
to drive a stake through her heart and give her
eternal peace. One day should do it.
15. I can't come to work today because the EPA
has determined that my house is completely
surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange
for helicopter transportation.
16. I am converting my calendar from Julian to
Gregorian.
17. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest
rates.
18. I refuse to travel to my job in the District until
there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair
share.