Woman Got Her Revenge When an Old Bully Asked Her for a Date

[libertytyranny]

I think she just may have handled that entirely wrong. What if, by not accepting that kids are #######s, and most people grow up and realize they were once little sh!tz, she has missed the love of her life?
Instead of playing incognito, she could have reminded him who she was, he could have apologized for being a typical kid, and they could have started with a clean slate. She didn't give him a chance to be a mature adult.
Just a thought :shrug:

:thumbsup My thoughts as well. It is generally much better revenge to let people see what they were so wrong about, than to repay their actions (his as a child) with the same (only her as an adult) makes her look petty and like perhaps she needs to go work some issues out.

 

[withrespect]

:thumbsup My thoughts as well. It is generally much better revenge to let people see what they were so wrong about, than to repay their actions (his as a child) with the same (only her as an adult) makes her look petty and like perhaps she needs to go work some issues out.

Agreed. We are all different people than who we were at 12.

 

[Radiant1]

:thumbsup My thoughts as well. It is generally much better revenge to let people see what they were so wrong about, than to repay their actions (his as a child) with the same (only her as an adult) makes her look petty and like perhaps she needs to go work some issues out.

She very well may need to work some issues out, which would imply the damage the guy did that can't be so easily forgiven as others seem to expect. I don't think her actions were petty, although they certainly seemed to stem from residual anger. In my opinion, there were far more actions she could have taken that would be considered petty, but that's dependent upon how you define the word. :shrug:

His and her actions weren't the same. She suffered years of daily taunting at a vulnerable age whereas he suffered a one-time inconvenience and embarrassment as an adult. Heck, he even said he didn't blame her, so why is everyone else? Perhaps HE should thank HER for standing him up, eh?

Agreed. We are all different people than who we were at 12.

That's for sure, and some people are very different *because* of what others did to them at the age of 12.



Question for you all: If someone gives a sincere apology for what they did to you as a kid, are you then obligated to forgive them? Are you obligated to validate them? Are you obligated to accept them into your life? Exactly what moral obligation do you think a person has in this situation?

 

[libertytyranny]

You could likely make the argument that if she was so fragile from the getgo that childhood teasing was enough to screw her life up as an adult...she didn't stand a chance anyway. Look at people who come from horrific situations and manage to make themselves better. I know many of these people..who likely think that her life being so wrecked over a couple boys teasing her in middle school is a bit of a joke. We teach people its ok to be so weak and sensitive. The world is too tough for that. When I had teasing as a kid, mom taught me acerbic wit and living a good successful life is the best revenge. Even into high school, when I got very nasty emails and "myspace" messages from mean girls, she helped me craft biting retorts that made me feel better, and them feel pretty dumb. Mostly, it allowed me to not let my self esteem and path in life be trainwrecked by people who are nasty.

Point being, if she didn't want to "forgive" him or meet up with him she could have declined and said why. Instead she wanted to teach him a lesson. I get the impulse, I really do. But I don't think she should be lauded for it as some sort of champion of the bullied. He reaction..one of letting him know he affected her life MANY years after the fact..is the opposite of what I want to teach my daughter. Who should know that her life will be largely unaffected by middle school and to stay the course for a successful life.

 

[Bann]

:thumbsup My thoughts as well. It is generally much better revenge to let people see what they were so wrong about, than to repay their actions (his as a child) with the same (only her as an adult) makes her look petty and like perhaps she needs to go work some issues out.

Excatly. She sounds like she still has self esteem issues, for one.

It's a shame her parents didn't have the ability to give her the tools to deal with the teasing and bullying. All kids go through some form of it when they're in that age group. Still, it's never too late to work it all out as adult. She's choosing to wallow in it rather than overcome it.

 

[lucky_bee]

Excatly. She sounds like she still has self esteem issues, for one.

It's a shame her parents didn't have the ability to give her the tools to deal with the teasing and bullying. All kids go through some form of it when they're in that age group. Still, it's never too late to work it all out as adult. She's choosing to wallow in it rather than overcome it.

No one's saying she didn't deal with it as a young kid though :shrug: it doesn't go into details but no one knows what her reactions were to his teasing (besides her secret eating disorder) when it was actively going on. Maybe all she did was ignore them the whole time, and when presented with the recent opportunity, it brought back a couple old memories she hadn't thought about in awhile and took a chance to teach a lesson? I don't see this as "wallowing" in it. Maybe it was slightly petty but we can't assume she's been plotting her revenge on this dude since middle school.

 

[Bann]

No one's saying she didn't deal with it as a young kid though :shrug: it doesn't go into details but no one knows what her reactions were to his teasing (besides her secret eating disorder) when it was actively going on. Maybe all she did was ignore them the whole time, and when presented with the recent opportunity, it brought back a couple old memories she hadn't thought about in awhile and took a chance to teach a lesson? I don't see this as "wallowing" in it. Maybe it was slightly petty but we can't assume she's been plotting her revenge on this dude since middle school.

I don't think she's been plotting the revenge since MS, but I do not think she ever got over it, or she wouldn't feel the need to have revenge. I'm not assuming anything, really. I'm just basing my opinion on what I read and saw in the article.

 

[Radiant1]

Point being, if she didn't want to "forgive" him or meet up with him she could have declined and said why. Instead she wanted to teach him a lesson. I get the impulse, I really do.

Then why dis her for it? That seems to be what you and others are doing simply because she didn't take a VERY high road, one in which I suspect the majority of you wouldn't do in the same situation. If it were me I would have laughed in his face and told him to get the f out of my sight, and I wouldn't have been nice about it, but that's just me.

But I don't think she should be lauded for it as some sort of champion of the bullied.

She's not been lauded for it, but some of us certainly understand where she's coming from and refuse to laud her bully simply because he apologized years later. He's no champion either.

I really don't understand why people are more forgiving of him than her and are making excuses for his past behavior simply because he was a kid. Kids develop a conscience at the age of 5 or 6 and I'm pretty sure by age 12 he had a decent knowledge of right from wrong.

 

[Bann]

Then why dis her for it? That seems to be what you and others are doing simply because she didn't take a VERY high road, one in which I suspect the majority of you wouldn't do in the same situation. If it were me I would have laughed in his face and told him to get the f out of my sight, and I wouldn't have been nice about it, but that's just me.



She's not been lauded for it, but some of us certainly understand where she's coming from and refuse to laud her bully simply because he apologized years later. He's no champion either.

I really don't understand why people are more forgiving of him than her and are making excuses for his past behavior simply because he was a kid. Kids develop a conscience at the age of 5 or 6 and I'm pretty sure by age 12 he had a decent knowledge of right from wrong.

I find it odd that she characterizes the guy seeing her at a university dance and asking her out to dinner as meaning he wants to "jump into bed with her". But hey - she had the last laugh, right? So now she can move on.

 

[Radiant1]

I find it odd that she characterizes the guy seeing her at a university dance and asking her out to dinner as meaning he wants to "jump into bed with her". But hey - she had the last laugh, right? So now she can move on.

You may find it odd, but it very well may be true, do you think she's lying? If so, why? We weren't witness to the nuances of any conversation they had, so I can't make a judgment about that either way. It seems you are now basing your opinion on the assumptions you previously claimed you weren't making.

Since it hasn't been mentioned, it should be noted his apology didn't come until after she stood him up. It seems to me if he was such a stand-up changed guy he would have done that before asking her out. Either way, he's freed by apologizing and she's freed by getting the last laugh; now they both have closure and can move on.

I'm still rather appalled that people suggest thanking your bully or automatically forgiving them because kids will be kids (which to me is akin to saying about the rapist boys will be boys), but I don't have to live with your conscience, you do.

 

[Bann]

Bullying is often more than just embarrassment, and I don't exactly believe you when you say you've thanked your bullies, but that's neither here nor there.

You did strike a nerve only because you came across as making bullying of no real consequence or that the victims of bullying somehow bring it on themselves. Frankly, as a mom who has had two kids suffer bullying in school I want nothing more than to beat the living shit out of every kid who did so. Actually that's not true, I'd really rather cut their faces up with a chainsaw...and their parents too. I'd never once suggest that my kids thank those who victimized them. Instead, I've taught them how to protect themselves as much as possible, to turn the other cheek because to bully back is to sink to their level, and recognize the complete and utter failure of character in the bully himself/herself. That's small consolation to a kid who's hurting though.

It's a bit dismaying to see some people in this thread give a tacit nod to bullying as if it's just a kid thing. It's not just a kid thing. It's an immoral, bad parenting thing, and some of those kids never outgrow it and become parents themselves teaching their children to bully...and the sick-ass cycle continues.

Just a thought, but perhaps you haven't really moved on.

You may find it odd, but it very well may be true, do you think she's lying? If so, why? We weren't witness to the nuances of any conversation they had, so I can't make a judgment about that either way. It seems you are now basing your opinion on the assumptions you previously claimed you weren't making.

I didn't say she was lying. I said I found it odd that she characterizes that whole scenario like she did. I am not making assumptions - I am basing it solely on what she was quoted as saying in the article. Asking one out to dinner is not the same as wanting to jump into bed with someone.

Since it hasn't been mentioned, it should be noted his apology didn't come until after she stood him up. It seems to me if he was such a stand-up changed guy he would have done that before asking her out. Either way, he's freed by apologizing and she's freed by getting the last laugh; now they both have closure and can move on.

Right. The apology came AFTER she #1) stood him up and #2) she posted the picture and her "by the way, I'm standing you up now because I haven't moved past middle school note" on Facebook. So, not only did she not get her jollies enough by standing him up, she apparently needed further validation and vindication by posting the whole bit of dirty laundry on Facebook.

I'm still rather appalled that people suggest thanking your bully or automatically forgiving them because kids will be kids (which to me is akin to saying about the rapist boys will be boys), but I don't have to live with your conscience, you do.

I have no problem living with my conscience. No one is saying those things, NOR do I (speaking for myself) mean that rapist boys will be boys in the least. You are stretching anything you don't agree with to make it that way.

Honestly, who wasn't picked on, teased, or bullied (whatever you want to call it!) in middle school? Good grief, kids can be mean and nasty to each other! Boys said ugly nasty things to me, also. Girls were little bitches when I was 12 and 13, as well. I didn't live with or harbor it for years and years, I got over it.

Thing2 was picked on in middle school. So much so, that one day he got tired of being picked on by this one kid and so he "fought back" and slid a lunch tray across the table at the kid and stuff went flying. He got suspended. The kid and him were really good friends throughout the rest of middle school & into HS. Today? I don't harbor any ill will about that kid or his parents. (and both of them were honors students and this other kid's mom actually worked at the school, too). We all moved past it.

Thing1 was picked on terribly because he was in Special Education. I personally heard some kid yell "run, Forrest, run!" one day when he was late for the bus. Kids called him a retard or they called him other names. They made fun of him because he rode the "short bus" - and on and on and on. Today? He is doing quite well, he is a VERY outspoken self-advocate for people with disabilities. He belongs to a group which has gone to workshops and conventions to talk about self advocacy for people with disabilities.

So yes, I do live with my conscience very well. I have taught my kids to be strong self advocates who know how to stand up for themselves and get on with their lives, thank you.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think we've all wanted to be in a position to go to someone who was crappy to us, and this is all this woman did. I don't believe there's a bigger meaning. This boy teased and bullied her, which is not terribly unusual in an elementary/middle school environment, and through a lovely stroke of karma she was able to rub his nose in it, 'how do ya like me now? :insertmiddlefingerhere:'

I find it more heartening that he responded appropriately and has apparently outgrown his immature ####headedness. Kids are mean because they have something else going on - bad home life, low self-esteem, whatever. So good for her that she grew out of her awkwardness, but good for him that he was able to overcome whatever made him be a crappy kid.

 

[Larry Gude]

I think we've all wanted to be in a position to go to someone who was crappy to us, and this is all this woman did. I don't believe there's a bigger meaning. This boy teased and bullied her, which is not terribly unusual in an elementary/middle school environment, and through a lovely stroke of karma she was able to rub his nose in it, 'how do ya like me now? :insertmiddlefingerhere:'

I find it more heartening that he responded appropriately and has apparently outgrown his immature ####headedness. Kids are mean because they have something else going on - bad home life, low self-esteem, whatever. So good for her that she grew out of her awkwardness, but good for him that he was able to overcome whatever made him be a crappy kid.

Starting the new year out with a really good, well reasoned post. Good one!

 

[Bann]

I think we've all wanted to be in a position to go to someone who was crappy to us, and this is all this woman did. I don't believe there's a bigger meaning. This boy teased and bullied her, which is not terribly unusual in an elementary/middle school environment, and through a lovely stroke of karma she was able to rub his nose in it, 'how do ya like me now? :insertmiddlefingerhere:'

I find it more heartening that he responded appropriately and has apparently outgrown his immature ####headedness. Kids are mean because they have something else going on - bad home life, low self-esteem, whatever. So good for her that she grew out of her awkwardness, but good for him that he was able to overcome whatever made him be a crappy kid.

 

[Radiant1]

Just a thought, but perhaps you haven't really moved on.

I don't know how you felt when others picked on your kid, but my momma bear comes out and it makes me angry. It's still an ongoing issue, so no I haven't moved on. I haven't had the chance to, and I probably never will as long as I have to speak out against people like you who tacitly condone it.

I didn't say she was lying. I said I found it odd that she characterizes that whole scenario like she did. I am not making assumptions - I am basing it solely on what she was quoted as saying in the article. Asking one out to dinner is not the same as wanting to jump into bed with someone.

No, you didn't say it, but you implied it. She was privy to the conversation and we weren't so you either give her the benefit of the doubt or you don't. I choose to give her the benefit of the doubt because a) I have no reason not to and b) it's not so unusual for college-age guys to be horn dogs so it's no so far fetched. You seem not to give her the benefit of the doubt and I'm asking you why.

Right. The apology came AFTER she #1) stood him up and #2) she posted the picture and her "by the way, I'm standing you up now because I haven't moved past middle school note" on Facebook. So, not only did she not get her jollies enough by standing him up, she apparently needed further validation and vindication by posting the whole bit of dirty laundry on Facebook.

Do you think the apology was heartfelt since it came after she humiliated him? Although the apology certainly sounded sincere, it's possible he was just trying to save face. I would think if he meant what he said he would have apologized from the first, but who knows? I can't read the man's heart and neither can you.

I notice that you are still insisting that the woman hasn't "moved on". How do you define "move on"? It would appear to me that she had. After all, she overcame her eating disorder and was in college preparing to go her merry way in being a productive member of society. By "moving on" do you mean forgetting? Because that's a tall order, just as tall an order as expecting someone to thank their bully or their bully to be the love of their life.

Again, the man himself said he had it coming and didn't blame her, so why do you begrudge her so much?

I have no problem living with my conscience. No one is saying those things, NOR do I (speaking for myself) mean that rapist boys will be boys in the least. You are stretching anything you don't agree with to make it that way.

It was a generalized you, not you personally, and I said "akin to". But with that having been said...

Honestly, who wasn't picked on, teased, or bullied (whatever you want to call it!) in middle school?

Me in addition to two out of my four children, and even if we were it doesn't make it right.

Good grief, kids can be mean and nasty to each other! Boys said ugly nasty things to me, also. Girls were little bitches when I was 12 and 13, as well. I didn't live with or harbor it for years and years, I got over it.

And by this you actually are saying kids will be kids and excusing poor behavior, even behavior that has affected you and your own children. You are de facto condoning bullying. People like you are part of the problem.

Thing2 was picked on in middle school. So much so, that one day he got tired of being picked on by this one kid and so he "fought back" and slid a lunch tray across the table at the kid and stuff went flying. He got suspended. The kid and him were really good friends throughout the rest of middle school & into HS. Today? I don't harbor any ill will about that kid or his parents. (and both of them were honors students and this other kid's mom actually worked at the school, too). We all moved past it.


Thing1 was picked on terribly because he was in Special Education. I personally heard some kid yell "run, Forrest, run!" one day when he was late for the bus. Kids called him a retard or they called him other names. They made fun of him because he rode the "short bus" - and on and on and on. Today? He is doing quite well, he is a VERY outspoken self-advocate for people with disabilities. He belongs to a group which has gone to workshops and conventions to talk about self advocacy for people with disabilities.

I'm glad you taught your children how to overcome it (as I have and continue to do); however, your tacit approval for bullying (see above) maintains the status quo for kids in the future.

So yes, I do live with my conscience very well. I have taught my kids to be strong self advocates who know how to stand up for themselves and get on with their lives, thank you.

Well good on ya, Bann! Now face the rest of it. You might find that you actually sleep a little better. Carry on good woman, carry on.

I think we've all wanted to be in a position to go to someone who was crappy to us, and this is all this woman did. I don't believe there's a bigger meaning. This boy teased and bullied her, which is not terribly unusual in an elementary/middle school environment, and through a lovely stroke of karma she was able to rub his nose in it, 'how do ya like me now? :insertmiddlefingerhere:'

I find it more heartening that he responded appropriately and has apparently outgrown his immature ####headedness. Kids are mean because they have something else going on - bad home life, low self-esteem, whatever. So good for her that she grew out of her awkwardness, but good for him that he was able to overcome whatever made him be a crappy kid.

Starting the new year out with a really good, well reasoned post. Good one!

Yes, thank you for being reasonable in addition to not blaming the victim.

 

[Bann]

I don't know how you felt when others picked on your kid, but my momma bear comes out and it makes me angry. It's still an ongoing issue, so no I haven't moved on. I haven't had the chance to, and I probably never will as long as I have to speak out against people like you who tacitly condone it.



No, you didn't say it, but you implied it. She was privy to the conversation and we weren't so you either give her the benefit of the doubt or you don't. I choose to give her the benefit of the doubt because a) I have no reason not to and b) it's not so unusual for college-age guys to be horn dogs so it's no so far fetched. You seem not to give her the benefit of the doubt and I'm asking you why.



Do you think the apology was heartfelt since it came after she humiliated him? Although the apology certainly sounded sincere, it's possible he was just trying to save face. I would think if he meant what he said he would have apologized from the first, but who knows? I can't read the man's heart and neither can you.

I notice that you are still insisting that the woman hasn't "moved on". How do you define "move on"? It would appear to me that she had. After all, she overcame her eating disorder and was in college preparing to go her merry way in being a productive member of society. By "moving on" do you mean forgetting? Because that's a tall order, just as tall an order as expecting someone to thank their bully or their bully to be the love of their life.

Again, the man himself said he had it coming and didn't blame her, so why do you begrudge her so much?



It was a generalized you, not you personally, and I said "akin to". But with that having been said...



Me in addition to two out of my four children, and even if we were it doesn't make it right.



And by this you actually are saying kids will be kids and excusing poor behavior, even behavior that has affected you and your own children. You are de facto condoning bullying. People like you are part of the problem.



I'm glad you taught your children how to overcome it (as I have and continue to do); however, your tacit approval for bullying (see above) maintains the status quo for kids in the future.



Well good on ya, Bann! Now face the rest of it. You might find that you actually sleep a little better. Carry on good woman, carry on.





Yes, thank you for being reasonable in addition to not blaming the victim.

I am not blaming the victim. I am not condoning bullying behaviors. If it makes you feel self-righteous to say that I do, then go right ahead and have at it. I stated that both my kids and I have also experienced bullying at one point in our lives. We handled it. We grew from it. We moved on.

Obviously this topic is like salt on an open wound to you and you wish to

I don't. It's really not that complicated. Your mileage may vary.

 

[Radiant1]

I am not blaming the victim. I am not condoning bullying behaviors. If it makes you feel self-righteous to say that I do, then go right ahead and have at it. I stated that both my kids and I have also experienced bullying at one point in our lives. We handled it. We grew from it. We moved on.

Obviously this topic is like salt on an open wound to you and you wish to :

I don't. It's really not that complicated. Your mileage may vary.

I didn't say you blamed the victim, that is what others have done, and that was my response to Vrai so I don't know why you took that personally. What I did say, however, is that you are tacitly condoning bullying behavior, and by your inability to even give it some thought and mostly by your refusal to answer my questions means I believe it even more so now. I have felt self-righteous about some things, but this isn't one of them. This just makes me feel sad. Yeah, I know what you said about your kids and I meant what I said when I told you "good on ya", but ok, so what? That's not the point I was making to you.

I don't know if this thread has salted any wounds per se, but it certainly has confirmed for me that some people, although well meaning, are just ignorantly blind to their participation in what most reasonable people consider societal ills. And yeah, at this point you're a dead horse.

You're right, it's really not that complicated so why you are having such a hard time figuring out your inadvertent duplicity when it's pointed out to you simply baffles me.

 

[Bann]

I didn't say you blamed the victim, that is what others have done, and that was my response to Vrai so I don't know why you took that personally. What I did say, however, is that you are tacitly condoning bullying behavior, and by your inability to even give it some thought and mostly by your refusal to answer my questions means I believe it even more so now. I have felt self-righteous about some things, but this isn't one of them. This just makes me feel sad. Yeah, I know what you said about your kids and I meant what I said when I told you "good on ya", but ok, so what? That's not the point I was making to you.

I don't know if this thread has salted any wounds per se, but it certainly has confirmed for me that some people, although well meaning, are just ignorantly blind to their participation in what most reasonable people consider societal ills. And yeah, at this point you're a dead horse.

You're right, it's really not that complicated so why you are having such a hard time figuring out your inadvertent duplicity when it's pointed out to you simply baffles me.

I guess you'll have to continue to be baffled then, and we'll just agree to disagree.

 

[MarieB]

Funny, she turned into a full of herself twit (maybe bully?) when she stated something about him wanting to sleep with her and then going on social media to celebrate what she did. She could have said something to him when he asked her out, but she chose what I feel is the low route and everything that she claims to be against. Attention whoring is yuck. I sense ulterior motives that have nothing to do with her childhood

 

[GURPS]

I suffered some pretty vicious non-physical bullying from grade school on through high school.

and people wonder why kids bring guns to school and shoot a bunch of class mates ......