X-mas Greetings a Decade to late?

J

jabberjaws

New Member
So, after at least 10 years my daughter receives an envelope, that looks like a card, only assuming of course, since it's almost Christmas, that it's a Christmas card, from her Father and his wife who must have moved to Florida since the return address is from Florida. Neither she (or her Brother) have received any type of mail or for that matter, anything for the last 10 years (oh of course,the court orderd child support) to include Christmas, Birthday, or Graduation, etc., absolutely nothing from their Father, but oh yea, let me see, he did send my daughter an e-mail when she was about 13 that said and I quote "I can't wait till I stop paying child support for your fat AsX".

So should I give it to her or just return it marked no such person at this address, because she is away at college, but of course will be home at Christmas, I just don't want her to be hurt by this century old attempt to include her, I just don't understand why after all these years, they seem to feel she wants, or even expects anything from them, even as simple as a card....for the 1st time!!!!

Anybody have any thoughts? If you need more info., I'll glady let you know. While I don't post on here often, I do find that this is one way to get the word out and to get a variety of opinions.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Now that she is an adult, her relationship with her father is hers. If she wants to get in contact, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. I think you should tell her there is mail for her, appears to be from her father, and ask if she would like you to send it to her.
 
flomaster

flomaster

J.F. A sus ordenes!
jabberjaws said:
So, after at least 10 years my daughter receives an envelope, that looks like a card, only assuming of course, since it's almost Christmas, that it's a Christmas card, from her Father and his wife who must have moved to Florida since the return address is from Florida. Neither she (or her Brother) have received any type of mail or for that matter, anything for the last 10 years (oh of course,the court orderd child support) to include Christmas, Birthday, or Graduation, etc., absolutely nothing from their Father, but oh yea, let me see, he did send my daughter an e-mail when she was about 13 that said and I quote "I can't wait till I stop paying child support for your fat AsX".

So should I give it to her or just return it marked no such person at this address, because she is away at college, but of course will be home at Christmas, I just don't want her to be hurt by this century old attempt to include her, I just don't understand why after all these years, they seem to feel she wants, or even expects anything from them, even as simple as a card....for the 1st time!!!!

Anybody have any thoughts? If you need more info., I'll glady let you know. While I don't post on here often, I do find that this is one way to get the word out and to get a variety of opinions.
Click to expand...

My dad wrote me a letter during the gulf war and he had never written me anything to include a support check. The letter condemed me for being out there "fighting for rich arab oil". When I came home he treated me like a war hero. I went off and we didn't speak for 10 years. He apologized one day and though it didn't bring us much closer together it helped me get through ten years of hate. He is dead now and I can't even sit with him and ask him why he wrote me that letter. Might want to let her decide. I know it really sucks. Hard spot to be in.

Good luck.
 
Katelin

Katelin

one day the dark will end
jabberjaws said:
So, after at least 10 years my daughter receives an envelope, that looks like a card, only assuming of course, since it's almost Christmas, that it's a Christmas card, from her Father and his wife who must have moved to Florida since the return address is from Florida. Neither she (or her Brother) have received any type of mail or for that matter, anything for the last 10 years (oh of course,the court orderd child support) to include Christmas, Birthday, or Graduation, etc., absolutely nothing from their Father, but oh yea, let me see, he did send my daughter an e-mail when she was about 13 that said and I quote "I can't wait till I stop paying child support for your fat AsX".

So should I give it to her or just return it marked no such person at this address, because she is away at college, but of course will be home at Christmas, I just don't want her to be hurt by this century old attempt to include her, I just don't understand why after all these years, they seem to feel she wants, or even expects anything from them, even as simple as a card....for the 1st time!!!!

Anybody have any thoughts? If you need more info., I'll glady let you know. While I don't post on here often, I do find that this is one way to get the word out and to get a variety of opinions.
Click to expand...

Give it to her at a private moment and let her choose to open it or trash it.
I would wait until after Christmas....
 
GWguy

GWguy

*
She's a big girl now. Give her the letter, unopened. Let her decide how the future plays out. Don't let your feelings bias hers.
 
libertytyranny

libertytyranny

Dream Stealer
Give it to her. I have never recieved a card, letter, hi, bye, #### you from my father..and to have a card would either make me happy, or remind me that I don't need anything from him..either way I would absolutely want to see it..and it wouldn't make ME feel bad one bit..
 
nomoney

nomoney

....
i think if you freeze it you can open it and reseal it.....just a thought. I'm in no way suggesting you tamper with mail. Just sayin'.
 
Baja28

Baja28

Obama destroyed America
libertytyranny said:
Give it to her. I have never recieved a card, letter, hi, bye, #### you from my father..and to have a card would either make me happy, or remind me that I don't need anything from him..either way I would absolutely want to see it..and it wouldn't make ME feel bad one bit..
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:love:
 
Bann

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
vraiblonde said:
Now that she is an adult, her relationship with her father is hers. If she wants to get in contact, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. I think you should tell her there is mail for her, appears to be from her father, and ask if she would like you to send it to her.
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:yay:
 
T

Tigerlily

Luvin Life !!!
Give her the card and let her make her own choice. My ex vanished until the oldest turned 18 so I know how you feel. Just remember in the end it's more about how she feels and not about how peeved you are. Don't mess with the card, give it to her and let her make her own choice.
 
C

CalvertNewbie

Guest
vraiblonde said:
Now that she is an adult, her relationship with her father is hers. If she wants to get in contact, she will. If she doesn't, she won't. I think you should tell her there is mail for her, appears to be from her father, and ask if she would like you to send it to her.
Click to expand...

:yeahthat: She may not have any interest in seeing the card but the choice should be left up to her. Is her "father" a pos? Absolutely. But if you decided to not tell her about the card and she found out about it in the future, she'd probably be upset with you.

Trying to put myself in your daughter's shoes for a moment. Not sure if I'd want to bother trying to have a relationship with the deadbeat sperm donor but I'd want that decision left to me. And I sure would be curious why my "dad" tried to contact me after so long. Now as the Mom (op), I don't know how the heck I'd be able to stop myself from opening that letter! :lol:
 
Beta84

Beta84

They're out to get us
jabberjaws said:
So, after at least 10 years my daughter receives an envelope, that looks like a card, only assuming of course, since it's almost Christmas, that it's a Christmas card, from her Father and his wife who must have moved to Florida since the return address is from Florida. Neither she (or her Brother) have received any type of mail or for that matter, anything for the last 10 years (oh of course,the court orderd child support) to include Christmas, Birthday, or Graduation, etc., absolutely nothing from their Father, but oh yea, let me see, he did send my daughter an e-mail when she was about 13 that said and I quote "I can't wait till I stop paying child support for your fat AsX".

So should I give it to her or just return it marked no such person at this address, because she is away at college, but of course will be home at Christmas, I just don't want her to be hurt by this century old attempt to include her, I just don't understand why after all these years, they seem to feel she wants, or even expects anything from them, even as simple as a card....for the 1st time!!!!

Anybody have any thoughts? If you need more info., I'll glady let you know. While I don't post on here often, I do find that this is one way to get the word out and to get a variety of opinions.
Click to expand...

Your daughter is in college and probably has her main address as your house. You have no right to tamper with your daughter's mail or reject it and send it back. That's her mail. Give it to her.
 
K

kayo

New Member
I agree that it is your daughter's mail and it is her right to decide. I was in your daughter's shoes many years ago but it was my mother who left and was never heard from again until I was 18. My Dad left it up to me whether to open the letter or trash it. He was worried as to how it would affect me and really didn't want to tell me about it. But, he did and I have always respected him for that. Did I open it, yes. Did I immediately respond, no. Did it upset me, most definately. But it was my decision. I can understand how you feel as the Mom but you really need to tell her. I'd probably wait until after Christmas day though so it doesn't ruin things for her. She may be happy about it or she may hate the fact that he contacted her. I had mixed emotions and it took me a while to contact her back. There was always an empty spot because I never had any memories of her because I was too young when she left. I had always been courious about her. I did contact her eventually and to reassure you, I never had a "Mom". We had a relationship but she was never my "Mom". Too many years lost. My Dad was my mother and my father. She was very aware of that. She was painfully aware of that fact that she could not make up for missing my childhood when I needed her the most. Don't worry Mom, that relationship with him, if she chooses to have one, won't be anything you have to be concerned about.
 
M

Mom2Morgan

Guest
I agree, you should let her know about it, but not before Christmas and not before I opened it, just to make sure it didn't contain anything hurtful, like "glad my days of paying CS are over!". If it did, I would never tell her about it - what would be the point?

Not sure if you would have to hide the fact that you opened it, I don't think my daughter would mind if I opened her mail, especially if it was to protect her from potential hurt.

Good luck.
 
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