After 9 years

[Aerogal]

So, you were both young? and he was a stupid jerk, but now is thinking hey, I have a kid I've never seen nor supported but now want to be in his life becuase I was a stupid jerk? You two need to get together at a lawyer's, counselor or child advocacy before you go any further. Does the boy have a father figure now? He would have a say in this too.

You need more than the court of public opinion sweetie

Good luck, be smart and God bless you for raising the child.

 

[flomaster]

Why? I had a child support order for baby #1 that was NEVER enforced. It was more of a PITA for me to try to get it enforced than it was worth so I haven't persued it. I was a big girl and made a baby with a dirt bag so I pay for my kid by myself. It's not so black and white.

Had she filed she would have a leg to stand on in the courts if he didnt pay over 9 or so years. Now she has nothing so there is nothing to step off from making this guy look bad in the eyes of the court for having no association with his son. Maybe they were really young and he just didn't man up. Happens all the time. Doesn't mkae it right. I am sure she had her reasons and I know the system can be a PITA.

 

[pixiegirl]

Maybe you should of had a better lawyer... Handing a child over to a complete stranger can be traumatizing and any therapist would back that up in court..

Agreed.

 

[Macluvr]

Maybe you should of had a better lawyer... Handing a child over to a complete stranger can be traumatizing and any therapist would back that up in court..

Yeah, well I didn't realize my lawyer was a sack of #### until it was over and I had no money left. That Judge ordered me to hand my kid over to that ####### after only two supervised visits with him. Then he went to a complete weekend with him 2 hours away from me. My son did not know him from Adam. Yes it was traumatizing and he has hated that man since. My son is now 17 and that ####### is now finding out that my son only went to his house because it was ordered. He never wanted to go there. He basically tells him to kiss off every weekend he calls.

 

[pixiegirl]

Had she filed she would have a leg to stand on in the courts if he didnt pay over 9 or so years. Now she has nothing so there is nothing to step off from making this guy look bad in the eyes of the court for having no association with his son. Maybe they were really young and he just didn't man up. Happens all the time. Doesn't mkae it right. I am sure she had her reasons and I know the system can be a PITA.

Child support and visitation are two different things and do not have anything to do with each other in this state. No contact for 9 years speaks volumes in itself.

 

[flomaster]

Child support and visitation are two different things and do not have anything to do with each other in this state. No contact for 9 years speaks volumes in itself.

I don't disagree with you at all. But if you want to paint a picture for the courts then having something documented is better than having nothing which this girl has. Just hope it all works out for her.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

After 9 years??? Please. I'd tell him to file for visitation. And then tell the courts you don't even know IF he is the father. Then have paternity testing done. If after all this he still wants to see him, file for child support. End of subject.

 

[seaturtle]

After 9 years with no contact what so ever and never given me a penny the so called father would like to see my son. What should I do? Is it possible he could get visitation rights?

I was in a similar situation,but it was my child who wanted to meet the "dad". I called my ex,asked him if a meeting was ok...we met over lunch at Chik-Fil-A,chatted for a bit.No biggie,she was happy,and it ended being just fine. I would suggest you talk to your child first,and gauge your reaction accordingly. It's a scary thing,I know.

 

[flomaster]

I was in a similar situation,but it was my child who wanted to meet the "dad". I called my ex,asked him if a meeting was ok...we met over lunch at Chik-Fil-A,chatted for a bit.No biggie,she was happy,and it ended being just fine. I would suggest you talk to your child first,and gauge your reaction accordingly. It's a scary thing,I know.

Wow a rational women. That's scary in itself.

 

[aosmiles]

He doesn't HAVE to file with the Court for visitation. She can agree to it without court intervention if she wants. They could even agree on support. The courts do NOT have to be involved if parties can agree on their own. But, if she doesn't want to grant it or he doesn't give support (and she wants it), then the Court could be involved.

 

[GWguy]

He doesn't HAVE to file with the Court for visitation. She can agree to it without court intervention if she wants. They could even agree on support. The courts do NOT have to be involved if parties can agree on their own. But, if she doesn't want to grant it or he doesn't give support (and she wants it), then the Court could be involved.

That is absolutely true. BUT, seeing how she hasn't seen this guy in a long time, has no idea what he is like or what his intentions are, having a court approved visitation with oversight is pretty good assurance he won't abscond with the kid, or if he does, there is legal recourse. It's a CYA move. If it were me, there is no way I would approve a visit on my own without some legal backup.

 

[desertrat]

After 9 years with no contact what so ever and never given me a penny the so called father would like to see my son. What should I do? Is it possible he could get visitation rights?

Are you divorced? What was the deal if you were? I don't think I'd give him the time of day, much less a kid. Why did he split?

 

[vraiblonde]

I would meet with him first. Then, if I deemed him nonthreatening, I would allow him a supervised visit - the supervisee being me. I don't know as I'd let my child go off with some stranger - biologically related or not. But I also wouldn't want to deny him meeting his father.

 

[vraiblonde]

I was in a similar situation,but it was my child who wanted to meet the "dad". I called my ex,asked him if a meeting was ok...we met over lunch at Chik-Fil-A,chatted for a bit.No biggie,she was happy,and it ended being just fine. I would suggest you talk to your child first,and gauge your reaction accordingly. It's a scary thing,I know.

Basically, what she said ^^

 

[libertytyranny]

I would meet with him first. Then, if I deemed him nonthreatening, I would allow him a supervised visit - the supervisee being me. I don't know as I'd let my child go off with some stranger - biologically related or not. But I also wouldn't want to deny him meeting his father.

Exactly.

And a note on support...I am a million times glad my mother never pursued that with my bio father..because I would never ever want to feel like a "bill" that had to be paid. Just a thought, from a "kid's" perspective.

 

[Lizzy4459]

I was the child in this situation. I haven't seen my father in 21 years. He didn't pay a dime of child support. My mother took the legal routes though so she had the courts to back her up, but if my father called or showed up at my door I would want to see him. There has always been a missing piece in my heart and I know its because I never got to know my father like I would have wanted to. My mother fought with him in the courts until one day I asked her to stop because it hurt to much to know he didn't care about me.

Your son is probably to young to understand all this or to discuss the situation, but feel him out and see how he feels about spending an afternoon with his father.

Could it be possible that maybe the man has grown up? Wants to be responsible? Crazier things have happened.

You should file for child support with the courts! Is he going to the courts to ask for visitation?

 

[DanceDad]

I was in a similar situation,but it was my child who wanted to meet the "dad". I called my ex,asked him if a meeting was ok...we met over lunch at Chik-Fil-A,chatted for a bit.No biggie,she was happy,and it ended being just fine. I would suggest you talk to your child first,and gauge your reaction accordingly. It's a scary thing,I know.

So your no good husband is supporting you and another persons kids?

 

[acommondisaster]

I was in a similar situation,but it was my child who wanted to meet the "dad". I called my ex,asked him if a meeting was ok...we met over lunch at Chik-Fil-A,chatted for a bit.No biggie,she was happy,and it ended being just fine. I would suggest you talk to your child first,and gauge your reaction accordingly. It's a scary thing,I know.

I don't need to read any further into the thread. This is the sort of thing I was going to suggest. If it turns out he wants to continue a relationship with your son, you should suggest making it formal, but suggest that it be done slowly, so your son can adjust.

 

[Baja28]

So your no good husband is supporting you and another persons kids?

How do you come to this conclusion?

 

[jedi2814]

After 9 years??? Please. I'd tell him to file for visitation. And then tell the courts you don't even know IF he is the father. Then have paternity testing done. If after all this he still wants to see him, file for child support. End of subject.

Tell him file then say prove you're the Dad and then say send me child support. I'd be very suspicious of him now. If he's seriously interested in seeing his son he'll jump through these hoops.