sockgirl77
Well-Known Member
Oil Change instructions for Women :
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000
miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $25.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $26.00
==========================================================
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and
buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check
for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack
stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil
on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter
splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil
filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on
the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.
Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with
stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit
bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh
oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000
miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $25.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $26.00
==========================================================
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and
buy a case of
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a
scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check
for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack
stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil
on you in process. Cuss
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter
splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil
filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on
the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.
Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with
oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with
stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit
bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh
oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the
influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!
