Advice for someone "just thinking"...

[Kizzy]

Today is one of those dreaded days for a working mother. I am home with my youngest that is complaining of a sore throat. It is hard to have children and work a full time job. If you can afford to stay home, by all means do. But, if you cannot, you need to set your priorities straight. My first priority is my family and my second is my job, so I don't hesitate to call out now when a family member is sick. I did at first, but now, I don’t let it get me down. I found the transition from one child to two a bit difficult. Now, the silence is the back seat of the car is non-existent. Also when one gets to stay home sick, the other gets ticked off. I just got the ticked one off on the school bus. I would hope that your husband wants a child as much as you do, if not, you may have a side kick with you everywhere you go.

 

[SeaRide]

My life is all about raising my kids PERIOD. I can die for my kids anytime. Being a single parent can be tough raising two kids. Having two kids are like another two full time jobs plus your real life full time job.

Long time ago, someone said to me, "small children means small problems, big kids means big problems" ... I think it's more like bigger challenges to deal with whether it's good and bad.

I can only emphasize one thing.. spend lots of quality time with the kids!

I want my kids to be better than me in everything! I mean education, experience, skills, knowledge etc.

 

[Dymphna]

The best thing about having kids is that before you do, you think you know what it means to love someone. You think you know what it means that your parents love you. Once you have a child, you realize how little you knew. There is no way to describe the feeling of loving a child.

The worst thing is the worry that they will grow up "right" however you perceive "right" to be.

As far as working or not. I have been a working mom with an understanding boss, working with a boss who resented women with kids because in his view they were unreliable, I've worked out of my house and I've been a stay-at-home mom. There are advantages to working and not working both to the kids and the parents. As soon as you see a study that recommends staying at home, you'll see one that recommends working. I ended up quiting my job because my boss was a jerk and it cost as much in full-time daycare for two kids as I was taking home, so I didn't see the point.

The answer is love your kids. If you work, search for daycare arrangement you and the kids feel comfortable with. Make sure your job is understanding enough to not hassle you about the occasional sick day. Share responsibilities equally with your spouse. If you stay home, you need to find outlets for yourself and the kids. Get out of the house, both alone and with the kids and make sure your spouse understands your need for "mommy time" (alone). And make sure he also knows not to expect a spotless house. If you spend all your time cleaning, instead of spending time with the kids, you may as well go to work.

 

[yakky doodle]

Do NOT let people make you feel guilty about going back to work if you choose to do so. I stayed home with my daughter till she was 14 months old. About a month later, I realized that I could have stopped my insanity months earlier had I just traded in my apron for my work clothes again. It's not that I don't love my daughter; totally the opposite; rather, I am not "built" to be a stay-at-home mom. It's just not me. I need to have my 'thing' outside of mommy-hood (and now that I'm a single mom, it's a requirement to work). Now, of course I wish I had more time with my daughter -- who doesn't. But at least she doesn't have to experience quality time with me in a mental ward somewhere, which is where I'd be had I remained June Cleaver one more year.

Now, that being said, it doesn't mean I think less of those who CAN stay home. I do admire their ability, and I know it's not just soap operas and bon-bons all day long. I do grow annoyed though with people who lay you on a guilt trip for deciding to work and be a mom. It is possible to do/be both.

 

[Tonio]

I believe that whether a mother stays home or works is her own damn business. Don't let anyone tell you you "have" to go back to work or "have" to stay home with the kids.

On a lighter note, anyone notice how much pressure people give you to reproduce? If you're single, people ask you when you're getting married. If you're married, people ask you when you're going to have a baby. If you have a baby, people ask you when you're having the next one. This must be some kind of genetic desire to ensure the survival of the human race.

 

[yakky doodle]

one more thing

have a tee-shirt made if/when you are preggers that says:

Touch My Belly and I Kick Your A$$! You either send a clear message from the get-go, or you have every stranger you pass touching your belly (without asking permission!)

 

[cattitude]

Re: one more thing

Originally posted by yakky doodle
have a tee-shirt made if/when you are preggers that says:

Tough My Belly and I Kick Your A$$!

Probably be a cheap t-shirt, what with the typo and all.

 

[yakky doodle]

sorry; wrote that with way too much emotion; could ya tell? I wanted to deck the strangers who'd come up and go "awwww, look at that big belly; that'll be a boy or girl by the way you are carrying." meanwhile they are rubbing my belly like they are feeling up a crystal ball.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by yakky doodle
Do NOT let people make you feel guilty about going back to work if you choose to do so. I stayed home with my daughter till she was 14 months old. About a month later, I realized that I could have stopped my insanity months earlier had I just traded in my apron for my work clothes again. It's not that I don't love my daughter; totally the opposite; rather, I am not "built" to be a stay-at-home mom. It's just not me. I need to have my 'thing' outside of mommy-hood (and now that I'm a single mom, it's a requirement to work). Now, of course I wish I had more time with my daughter -- who doesn't. But at least she doesn't have to experience quality time with me in a mental ward somewhere, which is where I'd be had I remained June Cleaver one more year.

Now, that being said, it doesn't mean I think less of those who CAN stay home. I do admire their ability, and I know it's not just soap operas and bon-bons all day long. I do grow annoyed though with people who lay you on a guilt trip for deciding to work and be a mom. It is possible to do/be both.

Yakky - I'm 100% with you on this one. I really don't think I'm the SAHM type either - I'd go insane, and so would my daughter! We need that break from each other, and I need 'me'/adult time. Of course there are days when I miss the crap out of her and wish I could be at home, but my working is a requirement and works fine for us. I went back to work when she was 6 weeks old, which was SO soon, but I had no choice.

 

[OliveOyl]

Wow, everyone gave excellent advice.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that?

I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by OliveOyl
My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that?

I'm an only child and I guess the transition from ME to MOMMY sort of happened automatically. I do wish I'd waited to have a child so that I could have been selfish for longer, but I don't resent my daughter for that. It was my fault I got pregnant sooner than I meant to, and even though at the time it seemed like a bad mistake - it is really SUCH a blessing. As long as you and your husband understand how your life will change, and the sacrifices that are involved, go for it. I'm very excited about my next pregnancy since I'm so much more ready and can enjoy it.

 

[Kizzy]

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

No that will change, trust me. There is no love greater than that of a parent for a child. I would jump out in front of a moving truck to save the life of one of my children. You are not too self centered to consider the added addition to your household and to ask questions before hand. It isn't easy, your live WILL change and you will too.

 

[vraiblonde]

I have resentful moments all the time where I come home to these slovenly little pigs who leave their junk all over the place, borrow my stuff without asking, ask for stuff incessantly, think their social life is of utmost importance and if I have to cancel plans to drive them somewhere, oh well.

I think (because I am one) that selfish parents make the best parents of all. Their kids don't grow up with this childish self-importance, thinking they are the be-all, end-all of the universe and they learn how to compromise and negotiate instead of being shocked the first time someone tells them 'no'.

And, Olive, there is NO MORE IMPORTANT JOB than raising the future generation. Whatever your husband does for a living pales in comparison.

 

[OliveOyl]

Originally posted by vraiblonde

And, Olive, there is NO MORE IMPORTANT JOB than raising the future generation. Whatever your husband does for a living pales in comparison. [/B]

OliveOyl reflects...

Ok, I just had an "ah ha!" moment...

I NEVER really thought about what you said, vrai. Sometimes I get way too caught up in the things that aren't so important in the long run.

My husband means the world to me, and I'm sure my children will too. Everything else really does pale in comparison.

 

[Oz]

Originally posted by Ken King
I realize that you are just p!ssed because I challenged you on the feedhorn issue (with facts) and now you are trying to exact a little revenge. Why not bring your pfister on down and we’ll see what ends up going down the drain?

Actually, on the feedhorn issue, I simply yielded to your expertise. (As referenced by the fact that I didn't bring up the issue in 2 threads unrelated to DirecTV.)

No axes to grind, or issues, or grudges with anyone, including you. Just havin' fun, slinging a one-liner in here or there to lighten the conversation...

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by cmcdanal
The best thing about having kids is that before you do, you think you know what it means to love someone. You think you know what it means that your parents love you. Once you have a child, you realize how little you knew. There is no way to describe the feeling of loving a child.

The worst thing is the worry that they will grow up "right" however you perceive "right" to be.

As far as working or not. I have been a working mom with an understanding boss, working with a boss who resented women with kids because in his view they were unreliable, I've worked out of my house and I've been a stay-at-home mom. There are advantages to working and not working both to the kids and the parents. As soon as you see a study that recommends staying at home, you'll see one that recommends working. I ended up quiting my job because my boss was a jerk and it cost as much in full-time daycare for two kids as I was taking home, so I didn't see the point.

The answer is love your kids. If you work, search for daycare arrangement you and the kids feel comfortable with. Make sure your job is understanding enough to not hassle you about the occasional sick day. Share responsibilities equally with your spouse. If you stay home, you need to find outlets for yourself and the kids. Get out of the house, both alone and with the kids and make sure your spouse understands your need for "mommy time" (alone). And make sure he also knows not to expect a spotless house. If you spend all your time cleaning, instead of spending time with the kids, you may as well go to work.

My one year anniversary of being on the forums is coming up. I didn't recall posting way back in January, so I decided to look up my first ever post. Dang, I'm one long winded biatch.

Fortunately for you guys my second post didn't come for another 2 months. THAT's when the real addiction began.

 

[zuchick]

Originally posted by OliveOyl
Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

Olive, I would advise you have atleast 3 about 2 years apart. Only children have it hard in this world and atleast with brothers, sisters of a mixture of each they will have a pretty good support group which will come in handy.

The Best part about youngins:

The Best part about youngins is their eyes. They are full of hope and excitement.. It is a Blessing to watch them as they discover something new and their eyes tells the entire story.

They are full of First Moments and unlike adults they show the zeal these first moments brings.

The Worse part about youngins:

That is an easy one.. When you put them to bed one night and they are just as sweet as angels and then.... Then one morning they will wake up as teenagers and you will wonder what has ever pocessed your child.. I think when a child is starting to pull away from their parents are the hardest times for us. It is a time for adjusement and re-adjustments for both the children and mom and dad.

Mother's have it the best because they have the child to themselves for the first 9 months of their lives, but then when the baby is born they have to begin letting go. The father's on the other hand have it the hardest because when the child begins pulling away, they generally do so with someone of the opposite sex.. The daughters are the hardest for the fathers.. It is when they daughters begin dating the fathers must step down as being the only man in their little girls lives to that of second fiddle.. He also feels compelled to protect his children, sometimes with a club, sometimes with words, but it ain't easy..

But really what is hard about yougins is being a parent and not a friend. A child can get friends at school, but we only got two parents. It is the youngins job to push the limits and the parents job to set them which ain't easy. The hardest things I, as a parent of two grown boys and two grown girls is being a parent espeically a father who is supposed to be like a stone stead fast..

So far, unfortuntely, I am 50-50.. I have two failures which are entirely my faught and two successes which I claim as being both mine and my honey's faught. Now that my two successes are grown, I can afford to be their friends, but when they were coming up, I couldn't afford to be their friends because the World is full of wolves and I was the only one who stood between my youngins and the wolves..

But all-n-all, I would advise you to have children.. Don't plan for them, just have them.. You plan vacations and menus, you have children. Just don't have one child, have 2 or 3 it may be a bit hard from the start on you and your spouse, but not on your children when they are grown..

 

[Kizzy]

You just wasted your words of wisdom on a banned forum person.

And all that work you put into your post.

 

[Kizzy]

Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice.

 

[zuchick]

Originally posted by IM4Change
You just wasted your words of wisdom on a banned forum person.

And all that work you put into your post.

I'm sure there are more reading this then the one who is banned from the forum.