Advice for someone "just thinking"...

[zuchick]

Originally posted by IM4Change
Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice.

But it is wise to have them a couple years apart.. It give the mother time to full recover from having their first, gives both mom and dad the oppertunity to make most of the mistakes with the eldest so they cn avoid making the same mistakes with the younger.. And I have noticed that those youngins who fight the most when they are babies tend to have the tightest bond as adults.. When my two would fight, I would move two chairs facing each other about a foot apart and make both set in them and look at the other and think what it would be like if something were to happen to the other and they would never see them again. Now they have very tight bonds.

 

[Kizzy]

Originally posted by zuchick
When my two would fight, I would move two chairs facing each other about a foot apart and make both set in them and look at the other and think what it would be like if something were to happen to the other and they would never see them again. Now they have very tight bonds.

Those chairs better be REAL far apart in my house, so they cannot kick each other.

I sure hope your right about them growing up to be close. They do love each other, but when they have fights, it gets pretty nasty. Neither of them will back down.

 

[zuchick]

Originally posted by IM4Change
Those chairs better be REAL far apart in my house, so they cannot kick each other.

I sure hope your right about them growing up to be close. They do love each other, but when they have fights, it gets pretty nasty. Neither of them will back down.

Michael my eldest son, told me that his sister Staci literally would throw him through doors and the like.. Today they are very protective of one another..

My two youngest John and Joanie used to also fight like cats nd dogs.. It got to the poit I got tired of being the referee and told them not to come back until their is blood.. Of course I was joking, but they did not realize it..

One evening my wife's sister and her hubby came out to the house and we started playing rummy. The John and Joanie was down the hall out of site of my wife and myself, but my sister-n-law and her hubby could see them very well. All of a sudden wanda, my sister-n-law, started laughing.. I ask her what was happening and she told me that both John and Joani was down at the end of the Hallway Duking it out and not making a sound..

But now Michael and Staci are 32 & 31 and John and Joanie are 30 & 27. I can not say much about the two eldest, but the two youngest are very tight and protective of one another. Mike and Staci have been estranged from me so long, about all I can say for them is that they are protective of one another.

 

[huntr1]

Originally posted by IM4Change
Also, my boys are 3 years a part and fight like cats and dogs, so not sure that having them 2-3 years apart is such good advice.

There is 2.5 years between 1 & 2, & 2 years between 2 & 3. They get along great, and are very helpful with each other. Plus, we shouldn't have 3 in college at any 1 time.

 

[kwillia]

Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

I wonder how many chitlins she done popped out by now...

 

[crabcake]

I wonder how many chitlins she done popped out by now...

You know what they say ... Paris is for lovers.

 

[Nickel]

I would advise you have atleast 3 about 2 years apart. Only children have it hard in this world and atleast with brothers, sisters of a mixture of each they will have a pretty good support group which will come in handy.

Guess I missed that boat.

 

[CandyRain]

Wow, everyone gave excellent advice.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. I was an only child and have held onto my own self-centeredness. I'm sure I will love my child, but I'm afraid I would at least be somewhat resentful.

Any advice on that?

I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

I had an epiphany within the first couple months of my son's life. I looked at him and realized that it wasn't about me anymore. That I wasn't going to be the same "me" that I was before he was born. Motherhood changes you in ways you can't imagine and it makes you want to be a better person. It's the hardest (physically and emotionally), most demanding job in the world and there are no breaks. Even if you get a sitter, your mind is still with that child.

As far as working vs. staying home? That's something only the individual can decide. There are plenty of each in the world and there are plenty of good and bad kids on both side of the equation. Your motherly instincts will guide you to what's best for you and your child.

 

[bcp]

Here is my advice.
Go ahead and have the baby.
forget most everything everyone tells you about how that baby needs to be raised.

raise the child the way you think he/she should be raised, treasure every single moment that you have with him/her because they will be grown faster than you can imagine.

make sure to take the child to all the places that are meant for children, amusement parks, chuckie cheese, everything, and while you are doing it, remember how it felt when it was you going for the first time.

take millions and millions of pictures and video along the way. make sure to laugh in private at what they did after you yell at them for doing it.

One day at a time and make the most of it and everything else will just sorta fall into place.

I wouldnt trade my time raising my daughter for anything.

 

[RoseRed]

Here is my advice.
Go ahead and have the baby.
forget most everything everyone tells you about how that baby needs to be raised.

raise the child the way you think he/she should be raised, treasure every single moment that you have with him/her because they will be grown faster than you can imagine.

make sure to take the child to all the places that are meant for children, amusement parks, chuckie cheese, everything, and while you are doing it, remember how it felt when it was you going for the first time.

take millions and millions of pictures and video along the way. make sure to laugh in private at what they did after you yell at them for doing it.

One day at a time and make the most of it and everything else will just sorta fall into place.

I wouldnt trade my time raising my daughter for anything.

x100

 

[jackoholic]

Ok, I'm looking for honest advice now...

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

What's the best/worst part of having a child? What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

In my opinion, you should wait until you both have stable jobs you both love, enough money saved up, a home that you can afford, and travel a bit before the kids come along. You will love them a lot more when all the other shiat is out of the way.

 

[CoastieWife86]

I'm 38 weeks pregnant, two weeks away from my due date. This is our first child, and he was unplanned. We've been married 2 years, and were planning to wait until we'd been married 5 years, so we could see the sights and things like that... However, I've never been happier. Every time I feel my little guy move, or hear his heartbeat on the doppler, my heart grows two sizes... I cannot wait to meet him, and couldn't imagine things any different.

Even though he wasn't planned, I have no regrets. It took a month or two for me to come to this conclusion, but I love him so much already, and cannot wait to be a mom. My entire life has changed, and my focus has changed... I used to be really selfish, and me and my husband would just go out and buy things we didnt need, or go places to waste money, but all of that has changed... I think about what we could buy with that money for the little one instead. I think about things I want to do with him, and places I want to take him. I don't think this happens to everyone, but with me it just happened..

One day, I went to the mall, and spent $75 on baby things and came away with nothing for myself. I realized it when I got home, and I have to admit, it made me happy... I have changed alot, and put him before myself, and he hasn't even been born yet. I think it just happens.... You won't even realize it most likely...

As for working, I don't know. I'm going to be a stay at home mom, because I can't imagine missing all of the tiny things in his life. My husband is in the Coast Guard and will be gone alot of the little guy's life, and I want to be here for him whenever he needs me. Right now, my husband is able to be home more often, but once we leave here, he won't be home so much, and I want my child to feel like he has at least one parent who is always there for him. Plus, at this point, I would just be working to pay for childcare. I plan on going back to school, probably once he's in kindergarten, but to me, it's more important to NOT miss the tiny things, because when they're little, they change so much every day.

I didnt read through all the replies, so I dont know if anyone else has said any of this already, but its something that I would have liked to have known when I was in your shoes. My husband and I were talking about "trying" for awhile, and then when we quit talking about it, I got pregnant. Total mistake, lol... I wish you the best of luck with everything!

 

[CoastieWife86]

I just realized I replied to a post from jan 2003..wow. I didnt read the date on it before I replied..Is anyone still reading this and getting advice from it?

 

[marianne]

My husband and I have "started thinking" about having kids (well, I have anyways).

That's not how you have kids

What's the best advice you could give a first-time mom (who will most likely be working)?

If you want to have more than one child, have them close together (i.e., 1 year apart) and know that your heart will be constantly torn apart. I've heard of situations where children desperately want to stay with the daycare provider at the end of the day rather than going home with their moms (one mom quit work the following day because she was so upset about it). Be prepared to be looked down upon by yourself (and possibly others) for outsourcing the raising of your children. And don't assume that when the kids start school, are at a more fun age, and you're more financially stable that you'll be staying home with them before & after school while working half time in order to mend your heart and spend more time with the kids. Chances are, they'll be accustomed to and want to be in after school activities rather than with you.

My biggest fear is that I won't be able to give up the whole "me me me" thing. ...

You don't give it up -- your kids ARE you. Have you ever read Carlos Casteneda? In his book "The Second Ring of Power" he talks about how people who have children have holes in their stomachs or luminosity. I always have a mental picture of that, signifying how your children truly are a piece of you.

I also think it will be hard to be a working mom, but I couldn't imagine staying at home. I just think I would get bored, and I've always felt that you shouldn't rely on someone else. It would be really hard for me to allow my husband to "bring home the bacon." I want to be able to take care of myself with my own money, with or without a child. It's a respecting myself kind of thing...

You can respect yourself without having a full time job. My role model is a mom who stayed home with her kids and did fantastic things with them. She took them to Egypt. She bred and showed dogs with them. She took art classes with them. You don't need to pick up your husbands socks and wait for him to bring home the bacon to be a good mom.