[B]She is at it again[/B]

[Dougstermd]

Ok I called the ex on monday to tell her school was dismissing early she wanted me to take off work I told her I couldn't.
Then she had my son call me tuesday and see if I would pick him up from her office I told him I was sorry but I could not. I called her and told her that guilt trip was FU.
Then she calls me this morning and says school will probally be cancelled tomorrow could I take off because she has a class in Waldorf. Again I told her to FO. I told her that she has full physical custody and that is her responsibility she argued we have joint custody and that my weekends really commence at 0800 on Friday.

We have joint legal custody with her having Sole Physical Custody and I get "Normal Visitation" every other weekend and every other holiday. I think I am perfectly right telling her to FO and deal with this herself. What experience has everyone else had with these matters?

 

[mAlice]

Oh, Peeeeeeeete.

 

[meangirl]

We have joint legal custody with her having Sole Physical Custody and I get "Normal Visitation" every other weekend and every other holiday. I think I am perfectly right telling her to FO and deal with this herself. What experience has everyone else had with these matters?

This is your kid too right?

I'm really glad my daughters father cares more about HER than pissing me off.

 

[nomoney]

are you serious? it's your son. so just to make it hard on your ex you're going to not stay home with your son? I would think as a weekend only visitation parent you'd be happy to get all the extra time you could get with him. But then that's just me.

 

[pixiegirl]

Ok I called the ex on monday to tell her school was dismissing early she wanted me to take off work I told her I couldn't.
Then she had my son call me tuesday and see if I would pick him up from her office I told him I was sorry but I could not. I called her and told her that guilt trip was FU.
Then she calls me this morning and says school will probally be cancelled tomorrow could I take off because she has a class in Waldorf. Again I told her to FO. I told her that she has full physical custody and that is her responsibility she argued we have joint custody and that my weekends really commence at 0800 on Friday.

We have joint legal custody with her having Sole Physical Custody and I get "Normal Visitation" every other weekend and every other holiday. I think I am perfectly right telling her to FO and deal with this herself. What experience has everyone else had with these matters?

That's a toughy. For the sake of the kids you should try your hardest to be the better person and make concessions when you can. Certainly not every single time she asks especially if it's often. Don't make your kids suffer because she is a bia. That makes you no better.


And now for the emotional response.... Being the non custodial parent you should take every oportunity you can to see your kids especially since you don't see them as often as you would if you and their mother were still living together.

 

[morganj614]

are you serious? it's your son. so just to make it hard on your ex you're going to not stay home with your son? I would think as a weekend only visitation parent you'd be happy to get all the extra time you could get with him. But then that's just me.

I know both parties IRL and I am thinking on her part and maybe a bit on his that this is a power struggle right now.

 

[Dougstermd]

This is your kid too right?

I'm really glad my daughters father cares more about HER than pissing me off.

Yes but I should not be her only contigency plann. I have gotten myself into a pickle at work and cannot just take off when ever a snow flake falls. She is off every Friday and I thought the reason I pay such an exsorbent child support was for day care and necessities like that?

 

[BadGirl]

It sounds like you are taking your grudge on your ex out on your son. You need to knock it off. I'm sure that he's appreciate spending a little extra time with you during these snow breaks - take advantage of the situation and be with him.

 

[nomoney]

I know both parties IRL and I am thinking on her part and maybe a bit on his that this is a power struggle right now.

but to use a child as part of the power struggle is childish

 

[morganj614]

but to use a child as part of the power struggle is childish

Well I know that, silly goose.

 

[itsbob]

If my son (or ANY of my kids) called for me to come get him, I'd be out the door. That's what sick/ personal days are for.

 

[sleuth]

Ok I called the ex on monday to tell her school was dismissing early she wanted me to take off work I told her I couldn't.
Then she had my son call me tuesday and see if I would pick him up from her office I told him I was sorry but I could not. I called her and told her that guilt trip was FU.
Then she calls me this morning and says school will probally be cancelled tomorrow could I take off because she has a class in Waldorf. Again I told her to FO. I told her that she has full physical custody and that is her responsibility she argued we have joint custody and that my weekends really commence at 0800 on Friday.

We have joint legal custody with her having Sole Physical Custody and I get "Normal Visitation" every other weekend and every other holiday. I think I am perfectly right telling her to FO and deal with this herself. What experience has everyone else had with these matters?

Try focusing on what's best for your kid and not what your ex's responsibilities are.
Focus on your responsibilities.

Just because she has full physical custody doesn't mean you both don't have parental responsibilities.

Is it unreasonable for you take off work? Might be. Unreasonable for her to miss class? Probably. So work something out with the kid's friend's parents or possibly an aunt or uncle if they're around.

If not, then one of you will have to make a sacrifice. Who's got the easier sacrifice to make? If you have time available to take off, then do it. If you can work from home that day and make a quick trip to pick up your son, then do it.

If she can miss class and make it up later, she should do it.

It's your kid, man. Not just your ex's.
Do what you have to do. But don't make it about who's supposed to be doing what. Just make sure he gets picked up, and not only that, make sure he's picked up by someone with a smile on their face that's happy to see him.

It wasn't his fault that the parents couldn't work it out.

 

[morganj614]

Doug

If the weather coming is like they say, she won't be going to Waldorf.

 

[calvertcrazy]

can't stand guilt trips......

 

[mAlice]

Power struggle or not, where do you draw the line on the ex taking advantage?

 

[pixiegirl]

Power struggle or not, where do you draw the line on the ex taking advantage?

I already answered that part....


For the sake of the kids you should try your hardest to be the better person and make concessions when you can. Certainly not every single time she asks especially if it's often.


I agree in doing what you can without being taken advantage of.

 

[mAlice]

I already answered that part....


For the sake of the kids you should try your hardest to be the better person and make concessions when you can. Certainly not every single time she asks especially if it's often.


I agree in doing what you can without being taken advantage of.

I agree. However, I also don't think he should be expected to drop everything and run to the rescue every time her schedule gets screwed up. She should have other arrangements and only call him when she has no other options. You have two adults here that both have to maintain an income.

 

[Toxick]

Not enough info.


On one hand, it is your kid, and you need to be able to step up to the plate and handle situations, even when it's over and above the call of duty.

On the other hand, since you don't have custody, you can't simply drop all of your plans on your ex's whims, especially when those plans put food on the kids plate and clothes around his ass and back.

And class? Your ex expects you to leave work so she can go to class? Is she not the one who has custody of the child? She is the one who should schedule her classes so they don't interfere with that.

If someone can't deal with the responsibility of custody of their child, they shouldn't have custody. And coaching the kid to lay a guilt trip on you is totally messed up.

On the other hand, you were asked three times to help with your own kid and you didn't.



It sounds to me like the kid is becoming a pawn in a twisted game that you and your ex are playing.

Both of you should rethink your attitudes, IMHO.

 

[pixiegirl]

I agree. However, I also don't think he should be expected to drop everything and run to the rescue every time her schedule gets screwed up. She should have other arrangements and only call him when she has no other options. You have two adults here that both have to maintain an income.

Absolutely!

 

[pixiegirl]

Not enough info.


On one hand, it is your kid, and you need to be able to step up to the plate and handle situations, even when it's over and above the call of duty.

On the other hand, since you don't have custody, you can't simply drop all of your plans on your ex's whims, especially when those plans put food on the kids plate and clothes around his ass and back.

And class? Your ex expects you to leave work so she can go to class? Is she not the one who has custody of the child? She is the one who should schedule her classes so they don't interfere with that.

If someone can't deal with the responsibility of custody of their child, they shouldn't have custody. And coaching the kid to lay a guilt trip on you is totally messed up.

On the other hand, you were asked three times to help with your own kid and you didn't.



It sounds to me like the kid is becoming a pawn in a twisted game that you and your ex are playing.

Both of you should rethink your attitudes, IMHO.

I say they both need the stupid smacked outa them!