KingFish
Nothing to see here
"Chicken Soup for the Drinker"
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel
ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't
drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would
be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink
this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time
with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity
that truly gives me pleasure; hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
--W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--Tee Mans
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we
go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or
some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than
alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from
urine.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so
let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over
white wine.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel
ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers
in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't
drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would
be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink
this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and
worry about my liver."
--by Jack Handy
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
--Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time
with his fools.
--Ernest Hemingway
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you
to keep your mouth shut.
--Ernest Hemingway
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
--Catherine Zandonella
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
--Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity
that truly gives me pleasure; hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
-- Ross Levy
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to
thank her.
--W.C. Fields
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
--Tee Mans
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
--Henny Youngman
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
-- Michelle Mastrolacasa
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
--Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
--Stephen Wright
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we
go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an
airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or
some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
--Frank Zappa
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than
alcohol has taken out of me.
--Winston Churchill
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
--Benjamin Franklin
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet
it makes beer shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine
invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
--Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks
behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from
urine.
--David Moulton
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
--Kaiser Wilhelm
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer.
--Dave Barry
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so
let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
--Homer Simpson
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
--Dean Martin
Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over
white wine.
