Child support questions?

[MMDad]

I agree. And I'm not kidding. I'm trying to think what might have happened if A&E had come home from a visit with their mother and told us that her boyfriend hit them.

Woulda been mighty ugly.

The way you say it sounds like it is beatings, which isn't how this is being portrayed.

Both sides seem to agree that spanking is appropriate discipline, so that is off the table. Now it is just a matter of who is doing it. If you do not discipline a 3 YO when they offend, it is pointless to do it later. Should the kid just be allowed free rein whenever Mom isn't around?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

It could work out as more. I ran the calculator based on 2 kids, both parents make $60K. CS was $808. She quits working, his payment goes up to $1043. Without knowing everyone's salaries, it's hard to say which way it would go, but it is very likely his payment could go up.

Plug in some numbers yourself and see what happens:

http://www.dhr.state.md.us/csea/worksheet.htm

I ran the calculator based on one kid and the amount decreased. :shrug:

 

[This_person]

That isn't his choice. As long as he considers any spankings to be "discipline" and not "punishment" or "abuse", he has no grounds to complain. If he doesn't have any problem with spanking, just the person who is doing it, he needs to learn to deal with it.

I agree. If this live-in b/f is going to be there a while, and be the day to day father figure, he needs to have parental controls. One of the things we don't know about all of this is the mother's feelings on what her b/f is doing. Perhaps this is just the type of parenting that he knows (though, it was stated he doesn't do it with his own, so....) Regardless, the adults all need to be on one page where it comes to what deserves what kind of disciplining, and they all need to act on it as unified as possible.

 

[danceintherain]

That isn't his choice. As long as he considers any spankings to be "discipline" and not "punishment" or "abuse", he has no grounds to complain. If he doesn't have any problem with spanking, just the person who is doing it, he needs to learn to deal with it.

He has a problem with the spanking. If there is a behavior problem with his kids he wants to know about it so he can handle it or his ex can handle it as parents of the kids not this boyfriend that doesnt even spank his own children.

 

[MMDad]

I ran the calculator based on one kid and the amount decreased. :shrug:

Notice how I said "could"? Run different scenarios and you'll see it could go either way.

 

[vraiblonde]

Should the kid just be allowed free rein whenever Mom isn't around?

I took hold of Larry's kids when they were 5 and 7, and I've never laid a single hand on them. Not once. Larry and Marcia have smacked them a time or two, but that is not my place, even though I was the live-in Mom.

 

[danceintherain]

I agree. If this live-in b/f is going to be there a while, and be the day to day father figure, he needs to have parental controls. One of the things we don't know about all of this is the mother's feelings on what her b/f is doing. Perhaps this is just the type of parenting that he knows (though, it was stated he doesn't do it with his own, so....) Regardless, the adults all need to be on one page where it comes to what deserves what kind of disciplining, and they all need to act on it as unified as possible.

The mother stated that her boyfriend has permission to discipline her kids as he sees fit. She has nothing against the spankings and spanks them herself. She did say that her boyfriend does not spank his own children because his ex does not permit spanking. Now, my friends oldest child did say that she and her brother get spanked alot by her mother and her mothers boyfriend. This has my friend angered. He doesnt spank his kids. But the major concern was how frightened his son was of getting the spanking. it wasnt normal behavior for him.

 

[MMDad]

I took hold of Larry's kids when they were 5 and 7, and I've never laid a single hand on them. Not once. Larry and Marcia have smacked them a time or two, but that is not my place, even though I was the live-in Mom.

You shouldn't have any reason to spank a 5 YO or older, so that is a moot point. A 3 YO is a bit different.

 

[Ponytail]

You shouldn't have any reason to spank a 5 YO or older, so that is a moot point. A 3 YO is a bit different.

How about if the 5 year old hasn't been spanked to this point, but should have been, and still exhibits VERY mean behavior towards his sisters, and mom including hitting, screaming, throwing things with the obvious intent of harming others, slamming doors, etc.

 

[MMDad]

How about if the 5 year old hasn't been spanked to this point, but should have been, and still exhibits VERY mean behavior towards his sisters, and mom including hitting, screaming, throwing things with the obvious intent of harming others, slamming doors, etc.

Than spanking may or may not be part of the solution, but I doubt it. At that stage they've already learned some pretty bad behaviors, so spanking might just reinforce their violent actions. That's a pretty complex situation that would require more analysis than "is spanking okay or not."

 

[meme]

I know someone here that lives with her boyfriend and HER three kids. He beats these kids (though she refers to spanking them) with a freakin board. I'm all for a good butt spanking if need be but I would NEVER use any objects. The last time I was ever at their house their 7 year old girl was getting readt to get spanked and all I could hear was "please no please no help me." I told my friend that I couldn't stick around for this. FORTUNATELY the boyfriend didnt' strike the little girl cause if he did, I would have been on the phone ASAP. As for the childsupport, see if you friend can go back to court and have it adjusted.

 

[rescueman]

yes the ex girl friends new man can spank the kids. as far as he doesn't spank his own kids i really don't believe that. i have a 9 year old step son and i spank his butt when he needs it. as far as the child support i really dont see where he is going to get anywhere. thats what most women do when they get child support. even some of those lazy dads do to. so if anything spend a few dollars and talk to a lawyer but he might say that your friend will spend more money then its worth. just my thoughts

 

[vraiblonde]

i have a 9 year old step son and i spank his butt when he needs it.

9 is too old to be spanked. And if you were my husband and struck one of my children, I'd beat you with the frying pan until you were retarded.

 

[RoseRed]

9 is too old to be spanked. And if you were my husband and struck one of my children, I'd beat you with the frying pan until you were retarded.

I don't think that would help. He already is.

 

[kwillia]

I don't think that would help. He already is.

oooooh Larry... You gonna take that...

 

[RoseRed]

oooooh Larry... You gonna take that...

Shame on you.

 

[MMDad]

oooooh Larry... You gonna take that...

Thanks for a great laugh!

 

[Chasey_Lane]

I'm all for a good butt spanking if need be but I would NEVER use any objects.

My mom would pick up the closest object and spank me. I've heard stories where the child had to go in the back yard and pick out their own switch. It really isn't that big of a deal, IMO.

 

[sunflower]

My mom would pick up the closest object and spank me. I've heard stories where the child had to go in the back yard and pick out their own switch. It really isn't that big of a deal, IMO.

Thats what we had to do.

 

[pixiegirl]

My mom would pick up the closest object and spank me. I've heard stories where the child had to go in the back yard and pick out their own switch. It really isn't that big of a deal, IMO.

I got my tail lit up with a wooden spoon, daddy's belt, hairbrush, whatever was closest so that my ma wouldn't hurt her hand. But she jumps on me for popping them one in the mouth or upside the head. It's degrading to hit a child in the head... Well that's the point. There is no physical pain but their little feelings sure do get hurt.