LuckyMe143
New Member
I think this is a great thing you are doing. In September I told my mom once again how I really felt about her. Haven't talked to her since. She does not know my address and I blocked her from fb, phone,and mail.
Estranged from parents
- Thread starter kwillia
- Start date
I think this is a great thing you are doing. In September I told my mom once again how I really felt about her. Haven't talked to her since. She does not know my address and I blocked her from fb, phone,and mail.
struggler44
A Salute to all on Watch
I hope my kids never hate me 
When I sense manipulation in any form, whether it be in personal relationships (even when my kids' friends do it to them) I just get so mad!!
My mom manipulated my siblings and I. More so after my dad passed away, because she went into some kind of hibernation mode and had no life or friends outside my siblings and my families.
Fast forward 10 years and there was no one but me to take care of her in her last year of life. It was very difficult at times, because she was always butting heads with me. I was not about to be manipulated and it caused a lot of issues with she & I, although she did apologize to me at the end of her final days. (I'm sorry, was all she said and it was non-specific, but I attributed to our last months) It also caused me problems with my brother, who has refused to face his own guilt with things he did in past, and therefore wasn't healthy enough to realize mom was manipulating him. We are not on the best of terms to this day and I am his only living relative. He chose to believe the things she would claim were going on instead of believing my intentions towards her were pure and out of love.
He didn't seem to mind when it came time to go through all her personal effects and household storage, though. I got that job, too. He only complained when he thought I was getting something he wanted.
So - the moral of the story for me is that I won't be manipulated by him either. When he gets abusive with me on the phone or email, I put a stop to it right then & there and don't let him continue. It's hard, because he's my last living immediate relative. I love him, but I can't let him jerk me around with his emotional baggage.
My mom manipulated my siblings and I. More so after my dad passed away, because she went into some kind of hibernation mode and had no life or friends outside my siblings and my families.
Fast forward 10 years and there was no one but me to take care of her in her last year of life. It was very difficult at times, because she was always butting heads with me. I was not about to be manipulated and it caused a lot of issues with she & I, although she did apologize to me at the end of her final days. (I'm sorry, was all she said and it was non-specific, but I attributed to our last months) It also caused me problems with my brother, who has refused to face his own guilt with things he did in past, and therefore wasn't healthy enough to realize mom was manipulating him. We are not on the best of terms to this day and I am his only living relative. He chose to believe the things she would claim were going on instead of believing my intentions towards her were pure and out of love.
He didn't seem to mind when it came time to go through all her personal effects and household storage, though. I got that job, too. He only complained when he thought I was getting something he wanted.
So - the moral of the story for me is that I won't be manipulated by him either. When he gets abusive with me on the phone or email, I put a stop to it right then & there and don't let him continue. It's hard, because he's my last living immediate relative. I love him, but I can't let him jerk me around with his emotional baggage.
bohman
Well-Known Member
This. Life can be overwhelming even when surrounded by supportive people.
Good on all of you for discovering that your life is your own, and you don't necessarily owe anything to the people who donated your genetic material - unless they earned it. I'm lucky to have loving parents.
I thought this was hysterical! 
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary.html
Some of them are clearly anger-driven on the part of the author, but so many of them hit the nail right on the head. My mom actually follows up any compliments to me with, "...you get that from me!" even if she's never done the action in question in her life.
And this one is absolutely her:
Medical emergency = Broken finger nail
She actually made my step-dad taker her to the ER for a minor sore throat once when she wasn't getting her way while visiting me and my first husband. Freaked out, screamed and cried, swearing there was an enormous tumor in her throat and she was choking to death. Seriously.
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary.html
Some of them are clearly anger-driven on the part of the author, but so many of them hit the nail right on the head. My mom actually follows up any compliments to me with, "...you get that from me!" even if she's never done the action in question in her life.
And this one is absolutely her:
Medical emergency = Broken finger nail
She actually made my step-dad taker her to the ER for a minor sore throat once when she wasn't getting her way while visiting me and my first husband. Freaked out, screamed and cried, swearing there was an enormous tumor in her throat and she was choking to death. Seriously.
And I learned a new term: Gaslighting.
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/gaslighting.html
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/gaslighting.html
Sweet 16
^^8^^
I thought this was hysterical!
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary.htmlWow, so NOT my mom! I guess my neuroses are self-inflicted.
MMDad
Lem Putt
Given the backstabbing and drama we've seen in the past, I'd skip doing it on the forums altogether. People do and will run their yap. Face to face works a lot better, or go to another site where you can be anonymous.
Given some of the things you've said in the past, you might consider ACOA. I know I need to go.
I've mostly forgiven my parents. It helps to realize that they will never live up to my expectations of them and I just have to accept them for what they are. With my Dad, that means that I'm actually talking to him about once a month, but have not seen him in 7 years. With my Mom, she's so stuck in her paranoid world that she won't talk to me because I didn't feed the hate she spews.
MMDad
Lem Putt
I thought this was hysterical!
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/narcissistic-mother-dictionary.html
Some of them are clearly anger-driven on the part of the author, but so many of them hit the nail right on the head. My mom actually follows up any compliments to me with, "...you get that from me!" even if she's never done the action in question in her life.
And this one is absolutely her:
Medical emergency = Broken finger nail
She actually made my step-dad taker her to the ER for a minor sore throat once when she wasn't getting her way while visiting me and my first husband. Freaked out, screamed and cried, swearing there was an enormous tumor in her throat and she was choking to death. Seriously.
My mom decided she has cyclic vomiting syndrome. Yes, that makes you puke. But with her special kind, she had to stick her finger down her throat. There she is, driving to our house from the airport, making herself puke in the back seat. I wanted to just pull over and leave her on the side of I-97 to fend for herself, but my wife begged me to try to get along. My wife regretted that by the next day.
I already knew this one! A friend of mine's husband was like this.
migtig
aka Mrs. Giant
My Mom was a pretty decent person. She made mistakes and made some bad decisions, but she was always honest about it. She admitted my father was a misake, but she never felt I was. I just wish I had her around now in my life.
My Dad:
The Sociopath Parent - LIGHT'S HOUSE
When he died, people came out of the woodwork saying they were so sorry that I grew up the way I did. That they knew I had a bad homelife, but nobody did anything about it. Ever. Why? Because they were scared of him. Telling me as a semi-well adjusted adult did not impress me that they cared. It actually disgusted me.
However, I feel growing up with him made me a stronger more independent person. I don't blame my problems in life on him. If anything, it made me appreciate everything I've achieved in this life on my own a heck of a lot more than the average person. That's probably why when "poor poor Joey" commits an atrocious crime and blames his childhood I want lethal injection for "poor poor Joey". Everybody has suffered at some point in their lives over something, it's how you as an individual rise above it that matters.
I concur with MMDad, if you all want to discuss your childhoods and parents and how horrible they are, then have a public support group. Keep it off the interwebs.
My Dad:
The Sociopath Parent - LIGHT'S HOUSE
When he died, people came out of the woodwork saying they were so sorry that I grew up the way I did. That they knew I had a bad homelife, but nobody did anything about it. Ever. Why? Because they were scared of him. Telling me as a semi-well adjusted adult did not impress me that they cared. It actually disgusted me.
However, I feel growing up with him made me a stronger more independent person. I don't blame my problems in life on him. If anything, it made me appreciate everything I've achieved in this life on my own a heck of a lot more than the average person. That's probably why when "poor poor Joey" commits an atrocious crime and blames his childhood I want lethal injection for "poor poor Joey". Everybody has suffered at some point in their lives over something, it's how you as an individual rise above it that matters.
I concur with MMDad, if you all want to discuss your childhoods and parents and how horrible they are, then have a public support group. Keep it off the interwebs.
I didn't have a terrible home life or childhood growing up. My mother's manipulation probably didn't start when I was an adult, but I finally noticed it when I was, and I have always been able to see it for what it was and handle it. Don't know why, but when manipulation(from anyone) starts, my spidey senses kick in and it's like I just cringe inside. I react differently sometimes depending on who is doing it and sometimes it takes me a little while to see it for what it is. But I always realize when something isn't quite right.
I don't blame my parents for anything in my life right now. They weren't bad people at all - just imperfect, and with the good and bad - I've learned from it.
LuckyMe143
New Member
We can meet at red robins.
migtig
aka Mrs. Giant
Can I come and write on the sugar packets?
LuckyMe143
New Member
Well of course....lol
ICit
Jam out with ur clam out
I got incredibly lucky. My self-absorbed mother pawned me off on anyone she could, so I was raised by the village - my grandparents, aunts, assorted babysitters. I believe this made an enormous difference in my mental health because I was never solely dependent on her and had more functional examples to learn from.
ICit
Jam out with ur clam out
wow... sounds like a few mothers (maybe not that self-absorbed) I know of now....
and Vrail.. how ever you were raised....
cause it has made you a strong person... and thats a good thing....
You know, I can laugh at this story but it's not funny at all when it's actually happening - over and over and over. Mentally ill people do amusing things but they are soul sucking.