Fiance and Dishes=Death

[watercolor]

I dont get it.

Ok...here is the deal.

When and before my fiance and I decided to move into our place together, he said he would take care of the dishes, if I would take care of the rest of the house. Which fine.

See, lemme give you another bit of background....
He has muscular dystrophy, (which does not hold him down) and its just easier, for certain things more than the others, obviously.

Anway,....as I was saying, we are CONTINUOUSLY getting in fights over this. I mean, he will leave them there for like days at a time. And when I ask him (not meaning to nag) to please do them, he pitches a fit and goes balistic...(not kidding)
Then we end up getting in a herrendous fight. I hate it.

I dunno if there is another way I can approch it..or if there is any ideas on what I can do. I mean I do everything else...and I just well...he needs to help and get involved.

Normal Excuse: he works all day and comes home tired...

I swear, I dont wanna become the 'nagging wife' before I am even married to him. We have 467 days till we are married.... and I want this well and fixed before December


Advice widely welcomed

Summer

 

[Vicki]

Switch chores or throw out all the dishes, buy paper plates and eat out all the time.
This is a difficult one, when I WAS married, I had trouble too in this area, but my problem was the dang dishwasher... he would not rinse the stuff off, put dishes in the dishwasher and leave them there, unchecked, for days ( you know how cups get turned over and dirty water gets trapped). So finally I "broke" the dishwasher, and since he was too lazy to fix it or get it fixed, all the dishes on his night were then on washed by hand... problem solved.
Anyway, I'm sure you come home from work just as tired...tell him to come up with some more creative excuses, then at least you can have a good laugh.
Good luck, sister

 

[missi1013]

Are you telling me that you guys fight over dishes? Is is there more too it? Take turn doing dishes or just do them your self. It's not worth fighting over it!!! I do dishes all the time, because my husbend works real late. I do mind sometimes but he does the yard work. So it works out!

 

[RFM]

hmm...

Not sure if I am even remotely qualified to comment on this.

All I know is that I do the dishes and with two daughters laundry every night. The scary part is this takes place while I'm still living at the X wifes house.

 

[giggles04]

Originally posted by BchBns


I second Vicki's comment ... he can either pitch in and do the dishes, help out in another area (i.e., laundry or something accomodating to his disability), or he'll have to work longer hours to pay for the added cost of the paper plates/bowls/cups/flatware you'll go through in a week. It also might not hurt to remind him that ALL he has to do are the dishes; meanwhile, you are: doing laundry, yardwork (if applicable), dusting, vacuuming, toilet scrubbing, etc. Explain that, if you take on the dishes too, it might zap that last bit of energy that it takes to meet the "man's need" at bedtime! That should wake him up and have him playing Madge in no time!

good luck!

I agree with the both of them!!!!!

 

[Guest]

This may be rude but it worked with my husband.
Treat him the way that he is treating you. When my husband would not help me instead of bi!@#ing about I would put the shoe on the other foot.
You want dinner fixed, fix it yourself!
You want your clothes washed, wash them yourself!
Anything else that he may depended upon you doing stop doing it and tell him to do it yourself.

You do for me I will do for you!!

 

[NATA'S MOMMY]

I had this problem too!! When my husband and I moved into our new house we handed out chores. His was laundry. He didn't even have to fold, iron, and put away. Just wash and dry. When he stopped washing laundry I started just doing mine and the kids. And I stopped washing bowls. (He is a cereal freak and won't use the kids little bowls) Then he had no clean clothes and no clean bowls for his cereal.

Happy to say now he does whatever needs to be done. Whether it be dishes, laundry, making dinner( (scary)), or changing diapers. If it needs to be done he will do it.

 

[vraiblonde]

Well, so much for compromise and communication!


But Jet's right, to some extent. If your guy won't live up to his end of the agreement now, it won't get any better once you're married and have *gulp* kids.

I don't get into pissing contests with my husband anymore. I just say, "Look, we made an agreement and you're not living up to your end of it." Then we go about a solution. We are very interested in each other's happiness so the will is there to make things right.

 

[bknarw]

But...it's a woman's job to do the dishes, isn't it?
I mean, I'm sure he handles the man's work, and she can do the woman's work!
Where's the confusion in this?


Okay, I'm leaving now, real fast-like, bobbing and weaving, ducking, too...

 

[NATA'S MOMMY]

Ha Ha Ha Ha...............Aren't you funny?

My life is one big comprimise. (is that spelled right?) Anyway, you may think dishes are a woman's work(I know you were TRYING to be cute), but I change the oil in my car. Isn't that a man's work?

Our kids are only 2 and 1, so the only ones to do chores are ourselves. So, we decided who would do what and then we help each other out. At first it didn't work, but he gets the idea now.

And I agree fighting over this is very stupid if it becomes a serious fight. You should be trying to make each other happy instead of making yourselves miserable over something minor. If AFTER you tell him what is what and he still won't do anything you need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Will you give up and just do it yourself, or buy plastic forks, knives and paper plates?

Do you have a dishwasher?? My hubby has no problem sticking dishes in the dishwasher.

In my situation I know my husband just needed someone to kick his butt and make him do something.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[watercolor]

Thanks Guys.

1st...just to let you know..that is why we have gotten to the point of where we have gotten, cause I have said, 'you made an agreement with me' but I have also tried just not doing em. *sigh* Its a tough position to be it

2nd...lol...omm sure..ok..its a womans job to do the dishes...so then I apoint its a mans job to rub the womans feet
ALWAYS after doing all of this and back rubs galore...with no whining about 'you dont feel like it' *lmbo* Good reasoning eh girls???

but I think it is getting better...cause I think it hit him pretty hard last night.

*crossing fingers* Hopefully....

thanks for all the great advice though

 

[vraiblonde]

cause I think it hit him pretty hard last night.

How hard did you hit him? And next time, use a phone book - it doesn't leave marks. (Cop taught me that trick)

 

[Sharon]

Originally posted by jetmonkey
Anyway, one time the dishes sat in the sink so long they got maggots!

Somehow, I can only see this happening where guys live.

 

[Frank]

"Somehow, I can only see this happening where guys live"

Hmmm. While I know men can be this sloppy- and are usually sloppier than women, pretty much most of the time - I've never seen this level. Clothes on the floor, stuff left around, but not this.

I *have* seen this kind of sloppiness at my sister's, and a couple other women I know. How about trash, mid-thigh-deep, covering an entire enclosed back porch? (That's one of the better ones). Or roaches so thick, that after bombing the house - a home reeking with the stench of urine - you use a *shovel* to put them in the trash? Or when cleaning the house - trash everywhere - you find dozens of used diapers? One woman whose house I helped clean - every room in the house was easily knee-deep in clothes, broken toy pieces, paper. It took a dozen of us all day to haul out about 30-40 bags of trash.

Again, I agree with you that men are sloppier and messier than women are, and that most men's homes I have been in are messier and less ornately furnished than women's homes. I do have to say though the very worst ones I've been in have been women's.

 

[Sharon]

I was referring to the maggots...

You're right though...I have seen exactly what you describe and it was two gals. The sink and counter tops were full of dirty dishes and they were strewn throughout the rest of the apartment. There were no dishes left in the cabinets. It was gross, roaches were everywhere. Half eaten food containers and pizza left in boxes sat for weeks.

The bedrooms were piled high with laundry and the bathroom was filthy. It got to the point where I would no longer enter when I visited because I was afraid something would crawl on me if I sat down. There was really no place to sit anyway, because you had to "make a spot" in the junk and it was nasty.

I did offer to help clean it up a few times; but each time it was back to "normal" a week later.

My single guy friends living alone were a lot cleaner than these two. I guess it's the "someone else will clean it" mentality when you have a group of people living together and they are all slobs.

 

[vraiblonde]

Well I am an anal-retentive neatnik and ya'll are making me break out in hives at these stories! Brrrr.........I need counseling...

 

[missi1013]

You too vari, thank you, thank you!! I'm not the only one!

 

[migtig]

I am glad I don't have to deal with this - yuckkkkkkk - if my house is messy it is my fault or my dog's fault lol, but since it's my mess I really don't have issues cleaning up after myself. However, if it was someone elses mess....talk about turning into an anal retentive neat freak>>>>LOL

 

[watercolor]

Oh my gosh! NEVER EVER!!!!! I would never let it get that way...so if anyone comes to my place, you dont have to worry about that.

I promise.

I finally got so fed up the other night, I just did it, and he sat there and watched me and did not say a word, and then said, well you just like took over, and pushed me outta the way. I did all the dishes in 15 minuites, and he was claiming it would 'take all night' and of course it would in the way he was doing em. He was using the glass thingy (you know that you put into the glass to get to the bottom, and spending time on each dish, plate, glass,fork,etc...using that, like 5 minutes on each one!!!

Come on...I know it is not the most favorite thing to do..but mine is not the most favorite, cleaning and cooking and washing clothes...

ok enough of my rant...lol

thanks for all the advice, I am sure it will come in more than handy at one time or another.

Summer

 

[bknarw]

Originally posted by watercolor23
Oh my gosh! NEVER EVER!!!!! I would never let it get that way...so if anyone comes to my place, you dont have to worry about that.

I promise.

I finally got so fed up the other night, I just did it, and he sat there and watched me and did not say a word, and then said, well you just like took over, and pushed me outta the way. I did all the dishes in 15 minuites, and he was claiming it would 'take all night' and of course it would in the way he was doing em. He was using the glass thingy (you know that you put into the glass to get to the bottom, and spending time on each dish, plate, glass,fork,etc...using that, like 5 minutes on each one!!!

Come on...I know it is not the most favorite thing to do..but mine is not the most favorite, cleaning and cooking and washing clothes...

ok enough of my rant...lol

thanks for all the advice, I am sure it will come in more than handy at one time or another.

Summer

See, that's part of what I was talking about in the other thread. We let you THINK that's what we're doing, but we're much smarter than that. As men, we deliberately mess up stuff like that so you'll take over and let us get back to the easy chair. It's all part of the little secret we, as men, are taught from birth.
Sorry, I can't tell you any more or I'd have to kill you.