Read this.
I'm going to either make some people mad, no I'm going to probably make everyone mad but I hope not. I'm not doing this to make people mad. I'm doing it to hopefully shed some light on the subject as bad as it may be. I’m also sorry for bringing up the subject. I am not looking for any kind of restitution. Yeah, I probably shouldn't be posting this but this has been bothering me for over two years. I'm not proud of what happened one bit. I hurt many good, no great people in an outstanding department. Many of these great people were my friends. Heck I hurt the whole US Navy for that matter which I served loyally for over 34 years. I especially hurt some individuals that I deeply respected and to make it worst, I knew each and every one of them, well all but one. This hurts me the most, I knew them. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about this and truly wish it had never happened. I always have dreams relating to what I did. I realize that I will never see any of my good friends ever again. Now what hurts me also is what people now think of me. A truly horrific event took place and I truly understand why everyone thinks of me as a monster.
Well I made the big mistake of searching my name on Google. Boy bad news travels fast, after reading the stories many of which were blown out of proportion making me sound like some very dangerous sexual harasser, I say boloney. Then after I read the comments I can honestly say that for the most part everyone thinks I'm an a**hole and I guess they have good reason to.
Not one of those victims knew if I had a gun or guns, not one of them. Yes I had two shotguns, a 12 gauge that I had as a young boy and my grandfathers old .410 shotgun. And to this day the police still have them. Also I never said anything about certain feelings towards someone, sad about an engagement etc. Also I never gave flowers to anyone.The person, me, who did these horrific things to these victims wasn't in the right state of mind and hadn't been for some time. I've had Parkinson's now for 13 years and I'm only 59. I wouldn't give Parkinson's to my worst enemy. This disease is terrible. I had been taking Requip for many years and not realizing what it was doing to me. Requip is a bad drug. I was taking the max dosage which helped me function, it worked, I felt real good. I remember one night shortly after I was diagnosed my doctor increased my dosage to 4 mg and the next day I felt normal! Well that hasn't happened since. I had been taking 24 mg of Requip every day for many years. I have had hallucinations every night, felt things crawling in my bed.
After I got in trouble, I saw my new doctor at Walter Reed and told him what happened and he said I bet you are taking Requip. He knows the connection between Requip and bad/odd behavior. I was taking three other drugs along with Requip. Well he took me off Requip and now that I've been off the drug I feel terrible every single day. I freeze up every two hours and basically can't move or function . The meds I take now don't work with food. I've lost 40 lbs, I'm a 120 lb weakling now. I take a pill every hour and a half. I'm scheduled to have what I'll call brain surgery (DBS) in January. They are going to drill three holes in my head the diameter of a nickel and stick two rods in those holes. Then they will run a wire down to my chest and implant a battery pack. This will hopefully help with my symptoms especially Dystonia. Dystonia is a symptom of Parkinson's, do you know what dystonia feels like? It feels like your whole body weights 8 tons. Your muscles tense up tight and you feel all that weight. If I saw a bull charging at me from a mile away I would get run over because I could not react. I really hope the procedure will help but unfortunately I’ll feel better but, I'll never live a normal life again. Read the links about Requip.
You know I served 20 years active duty in the Navy and just two weeks out of bootcamp I was looking up at the carrier USS Saratoga (CV-60). I stayed on her and the USS Independence (CV-62) for 2 1/2 years straight, I was ships company and lived on them while not on deployment. I also was an excellent Chief Petty Officer, I made it in less then 12 years. I was a first class petty officer in less than 5 years. Yes it took me a few years to make Chief and I should have made Master Chief, I had plenty of time. I served 5 loyal years as a contractor working for the Navy then I served 11 loyal years in the government. I was a GS-13 step 7 and I had a whole lot to lose and I lost it all. This isn't in my normal character to do such a horrific crime. Why would I take such a big risk. Know what really hurts, and I said it earlier, I knew all the victims and I have the most deepest respect for them all.
For what its worth, I turned myself in right away, I was working from home and when the e-mail came though I called work and told them. I also told the investigators exactly who the victims were. I unfortunately placed a camera in a cube the night before it was found at around 8 am so whoever, and you know who you are, was in that cube was not taped . I actually thought hard about taking it out, truthfully the end results of all tapes wasn't worth it.
Also I knew that I was bothering one of the victims, nothing bad, I was just around more than she liked and maybe sent too many e-mails all friendly, never any vulgar language, also we worked together. I never gave anyone flowers as in some stories, I did happen to give her a stuffed rabbit or bear on valentines and I believe his name was “Newton”. Also I believe I gave her some candy. I gave her a gift card at Christmas and I did all of this out of the kindness of my heart because I’m a nice guy. I did tell her that she had a piece of my heart. You know why, because I have this crappy disease and she made me feel good and I enjoyed working with her. Yes I did care for her and I would have taken a bullet for her. I had no intimate feelings at all period. The best Birthday gift I've ever received was a sticky note that she placed on my monitor that said "Happy Birthday Dan" then a "Z" mark and her name. Well after a while I knew I was bothering her especially after an outing to one of the local pubs: She followed me there and when we got inside she purposely hid behind some people. It then dawn on me what she was trying to say. So i left and went home. I texted her while I was not thinking straight and I had thought I said something wrong in my text and wanted to tell her face to face so I went back to the bar and waited until she went out to her car and I had scared her which I didn’t mean to do. She sent an E-mail telling me to back off.
It was then that I knew I was bothering her so I went to tell our supervisor and told him that I think I was bothering her. And told him I had taken a picture . He told me not to have contact and to e-mail her only if it was work related. I went to see him on my own. Well she was going away on rotation and I unfortunately e-mailed her and said, I know I'm not suppose to e-mail you but be safe and have a wonderful trip. Yes I sent an e-mail when shouldn’t have but it wasn’t a rude one. This is when I got my written reprimand and went up to talk to my supervisor.
I'll just say that I've never touched any women nor have I ever spoken inappropriate to any women ever. That’s a fact. Technically this may not sound right but how is it that I'm harassing some one when they don't know it. I never had any contact what so ever with any of the victims especially the one that had the camera in her cube. I’ve never met her, never passed her by, don’t even know what she looks like yet I was roaming around harassing her. I don’t understand.
Why I risked everything for this is mind boggling, a normal person would not take a risk for something so horrible. I've regretted this every single day. I'm am truly sorry for the actions I committed. I'll add the drug also caused me to spend money, I ran up my charge accounts and got loans. I'm not that person anymore and it sucks because I'm afraid to go out in public, it's embarrassing. I can't go on base anymore because I'm afraid of running into someone I know. I really wished this had never had happened. I'm am probably stupid for posting this and I mean no harm to anyone. Down deep I'm a decent man and not the creep that everyone sees in me. Again I mean no harm, I just want to be honest and up front.
