AND! If I went without SO and Mom asked why he wasn't there, I'd say quite plainly, "Because you're an ahole and he doesn't enjoy listening to your crap."
I'm like that.
I'm like that.
Hate your in-laws?
- Thread starter vraiblonde
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RareBreed
Throwing the deuces
I think my inlaws and I got off on the wrong foot. I met them a week or two before I was marrying their son, only knowing him for 3 months. I'm sure they were skeptical about me. We were pleasant to eachother but I knew they thought lesser of me because my parents were divorced. To them, divorce equalled a horrible childhood. Things have gotten better over the 17 years but I still feel a tinge of "you're still not up to our standards" with them. What really hurts is that they have no interest in our kids and now that our kids are older, they have noticed too. They just wanted the title of Grandparent. They will make up any excuse possible to not come and see the boys. My kids feel like their Grandparents don't like them and it breaks my heart. My husband has tried to tell them what they are doing to our kids is not right but they don't care.
Dakota
~~~~~~~
After we were legally bound.
I love my in-laws but I noticed when we were dating that his mother had moments where she screamed, yelled and seemed very unstable. I was told that she had horrible periods but I later realized she was bi-polar and having manic episodes. Anyone who has had to exist around somebody who is bi-polar would completely understand the strain I felt and the first time you see somebody like that, it is emotionally draining... mainly because you let it be. I think our inner self thinks "what did I do? How can I make this better?" But those thoughts and attitudes will drain the life out of you and getting older makes you look at it all differently and realize that fact. My mother suffered from horrible depression where she would drink and pass out, hurting nobody but herself and my father was a tyrant with a purpose (if that makes sense). Basically, he would act like a tyrant when he wanted a job done (clean the house; chop wood, yard work, etc.). But my husband's mother would yell, scream, and run around the house throwing things, saying mean horrible things to people, without a known cause or purpose which I took personally. It made my F.I.L. miserable and he would be very negative towards marriage in general.
A few years back after a horrible draining incident, I put my foot down (only took something like 20 years of marriage at that point to do so - which means it was long overdue) and I didn't speak to her for a good year after that along with my husband’s brother (who is also bi-polar with periods of heavy drinking). I told them both how fed up I was. I was not nice at all, in fact, it was a side of me that I didn't realize existed but afterwards, I accepted it because it paled in comparison to the years of crap I dealt with. It was the best thing I ever did. It opened up the conversation among my husband and his father and it let me rid myself of the anger I felt for years of not feeling backed up by my husband. It made my marriage stronger in the long run, although there was a time I was ready to file for divorce just to rid myself of the non-sense. She is now on medication and although we still have moments, I feel like I’m the one to talk my husband down from being so upset about it now.
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lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
Same situation over here. Youre right it is heartbreaking especially if its at a big family function and the other grandparents are doting on their grandbabies you can see sadness in my kids eyes
My ex's parents - my children's grandparents - aren't terribly demonstrative or generous. I just told my kids that's the way they are, nothing personal. The outlaws aren't demonstrative toward my kids' cousins, either, so it's not like they're singled out. It used to annoy my mother that my kids liked the other set just fine, when she (my mother) was the one who showered them with presents, attention, and stuff. 
BadGirl
I am so very blessed
Same situation over here. Youre right it is heartbreaking especially if its at a big family function and the other grandparents are doting on their grandbabies you can see sadness in my kids eyes
Dakota
~~~~~~~
that is awful. No matter how one feels, the children should never suffer because of it. The children are still flesh and blood.Even when I distanced myself from the situation, I continued to urge and support a relationship with our children.
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RareBreed
Throwing the deuces
Even when I distanced myself from the situation, I continue to urge and support a relationship with our children.
When my parents divorced and my father remarried, his parents told us kids that we were no longer part of the family and Dad's step-kids were now their grandkids.
Toxick
Splat
I loved my in-laws. I regularly visited them and I wasn't dragged kicking and screaming, I enjoyed those visits.
My future in-laws are all deceased, so it doesn't matter if I would've gotten along with them or not.
But from what I do know, they seemed like good people.
(although there are siblings-in-law I have no use for, but that's an opinion I'm not alone with).
Dakota
~~~~~~~
Wow...
I think my in-laws have tried very hard to make up to their granddaughter for the divorce of their son by making sure they are part of her life. In so much, that my youngest has felt excluded but I had to explain to him that their over involvement is to fill in where her father hasn’t. He understands that…. and I am very involved and close to my children. Hopefully that makes up for it all.
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lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
Even when I distanced myself from the situation, I continue to urge and support a relationship with our children.
Thanks. It really is awful. For all these years I think that he just didnt want to admitt or accept that they were treated like that...but this summer at his families reunion (300+ family members) each family got up on stage w/ their children & grandchildren and they would be introduced one by one. When it was time for his family to go up his mom went through all of DH siblings & their children she even brought pictures of his siblings that were not able to attend and spoke about them. When she had gone through everyone except our family she walked off stage handed the microphone to her brother so he could introduce his family and he goes "Arent you forgetting about your son and his family" You could hear people gasping and whispering. It was so embarrassing. The look on Dh face was just gut wrenching.
Stupid me thought what a great memory to have had stood off to the side of the stage to video tape the whole thing. I had to delete it.
BadGirl
I am so very blessed
So, does your MIL have an issue with just you and the kids, or with Big B, too?
Not that it matters much. It sucks to be treated like that.
Are you serious?
Who freaking does that???
Good riddance to those aholes, you don't need that in your life.
Vince
......
Serious question: why does he continue to put up with it?
I left home at a young age to start my own family and my relatives, including my mother, are optional for me. If they act right, I'll come around. If they don't, I have friends I like better anyway. I don't really understand unconditional family ties and only like people who like me and treat me well. So why wouldn't your hubster flake those aholes off and do something more enjoyable with his time? Why go through that nonsense?
RareBreed
Throwing the deuces
Well, they are long since dead. Even when they were alive, it was known to us kids that we were second to our cousins who lived closer to them. Their pictures were on the fridge, not ours kind of thing. So, when they disowned us, it was a tough blow but we weren't too shocked by it. My mom was furious at them and let them have it. They had always been the "B" Grandparents anyway so we still have the Grandparents we liked better. We had more fun with them than we ever did with my Dad's folks.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
You should have grabbed the mic and introduced your beautiful family!I've been blessed with wonderful in-laws, there are a couple of sisters-in-law on his side that make me
though.
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
I really have no clue what her malfunction is. When we go to visit she rarely does anything w/ my kids. I always say "why dont you just go and have a good time away from us get a break" but he insist that they want to see them. I think he is just hoping one day she snaps out of it and accepts/loves his kids.
I think the family reunion really brought things to the light for him. It just wasnt that one instance it was the ENTIRE vacation. She spent her time oogling and loving the other grandkids from San Diego...that UMMM HELLO live w/ them and completely ignored our children. At lunceaons she would save a table w/ seats for DH entire family (siblings kids grand kids step kids etc) but not a seat for us. It was embarrassing. I actually had other family members comment they were shocked that she would treat the kids like that after we drove 16 hours for the reunion.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
I gave up communication and visits with hubby's immediate family about 3 years ago. I didn't want the drama in my life. Like your hubby's family, they often chose not to include him/ us and I didn't see the reason to include them in my life any longer.
acommondisaster
Active Member
Met my in-laws the week we got married. We'd talked on the phone, but not much. My FIL was a great guy from the start, my MIL, too - though a bit more stand-offish because I was the first DIL marrying their oldest son, I was unconventional (to her) in that I didn't plan on being a homemaker, and I wasn't (gasp) Catholic. My MIL had a horrid mother-in-law of her own and she told me before we got married that she'd never meddle - and to this day she never has. Over the years, and 3 more DIL's later - only one who was Catholic (and they've since divorced) my mother-in-law likes me best. (yeah, I really said that) I've always treated her with the respect that she's shown me - and she knows she will always have a home in our home, should the need arise. My parents died almost 20 years ago and my husband's parents have always been there for me, sometimes in ways my own parents wouldn't have been - they have been my mom and dad, which is what I call them. I am very fortunate.
I would not have married someone who did not have a good healthy relationship with their family - it was important to me to find someone from a big, happy family. I believe that family relationships usually reflect how a person deals with others.
I would not have married someone who did not have a good healthy relationship with their family - it was important to me to find someone from a big, happy family. I believe that family relationships usually reflect how a person deals with others.