Here is what we learned this week:
- Thread starter vraiblonde
- Start date
I did one semester at a community college and then went to a SUNY school. Not only did it save $ but I was definitely encouraged to do well at SUNY for fear of going back to "13th grade". Doing a year or two at a local college is a great way to save $ and when you transfer, you still get your diploma from a big name school--no harm, no foul. Rather than transferring to a bigger, better name school though I went to a small SUNY school that was not "highly competitive" because it had its own ski slope - pathetic reason huh? But I'm so glad I made that low brow choice in hindsight because I had the best time of my life those years and got decent grades without much effort. When I grew up, working full time and going for my masters at night, the school was more important to me and I went to a better school that resonated well with employers.
I think we parents need to really consider, and help our kids consider, what it is that would make them happy. What is the goal of sending our kids to private school or NYU vs. another school? This isn't a one time question. My DH was recently faced with this when choosing his law school. He got into Georgetown and George Mason. As fancy as a law degree from Georgetown sounds it was more than twice the cost of Mason, so he chose Mason. But for your kids - you want the best for them. I'm honestly considering sending my girls to a private middle/high school, National Cathedral School, at over $20K/year each because it's one of the top five schools in the country. Is that going to make us all happy? Probably not 'cause we'd be eating Ramen noodles for the next upteen years. But how nice it would sound! And, theoretically, it would improve the chances of them getting into an Ivy League school with scholarships. But therein lies the same question - does that equate to happiness?
If my kids were accepted into NYU, I would probably do the exact same thing as Larry and Vrai did--jump all over the opportunity. But I will try to follow Vrai's advice and think it through a little better first. And I'll hold off on applying to National Cathedral School
I think we parents need to really consider, and help our kids consider, what it is that would make them happy. What is the goal of sending our kids to private school or NYU vs. another school? This isn't a one time question. My DH was recently faced with this when choosing his law school. He got into Georgetown and George Mason. As fancy as a law degree from Georgetown sounds it was more than twice the cost of Mason, so he chose Mason. But for your kids - you want the best for them. I'm honestly considering sending my girls to a private middle/high school, National Cathedral School, at over $20K/year each because it's one of the top five schools in the country. Is that going to make us all happy? Probably not 'cause we'd be eating Ramen noodles for the next upteen years. But how nice it would sound! And, theoretically, it would improve the chances of them getting into an Ivy League school with scholarships. But therein lies the same question - does that equate to happiness?
If my kids were accepted into NYU, I would probably do the exact same thing as Larry and Vrai did--jump all over the opportunity. But I will try to follow Vrai's advice and think it through a little better first. And I'll hold off on applying to National Cathedral School
kwillia
n/a
It wasn't intended as a smack... my first born has similar tendencies so I feel your pain. Thankfully, I had his 3rd grade teacher shake me into realizing it was my job as his mother to put all consequences of his actions (or lack there of) directly back on him and ask him how he was going to rectify each situation he got himself into by not thinking things through. It's a never ending battle, but it has helped him tremendously. He is 12 now and though he still on occasion causes a ripple or two, he actually comes up with ways to resolve his issues pretty much on his own. He has even scheduled his own conferences with a teacher or two to discuss how he can make amends for a test he didn't think he needed to study for or for an assignment he failed to hand in. I'm glad you didn't take issue with my post.... I seriously was just trying to help...vraiblonde said:
Not at all - I appreciate your honesty and reality check. It pays to have your life documented for the whole world to see. That way when you're trying to kid yourself, there are any number of people who can go, "Excuse me...wasn't this you?"kwillia said:
D
dems4me
Guest
[QUOTE=Larry Gude
This is my fault more than Vrai because she IS Ms. Plan B
Was I plan Ms. Plan A?
Sorry to hear about the outcome Vria and Larry. You live and learn and move on. Nothings wrong with so.md U, I two went thier.
j/k
Good luck with the entire situation and thanks for keeping us posted... it is very thoughtful to share your knowledge with those that hope to have kids in the future or may have kids getting ready to be in the predictament you and your family is in. God Bless.
This is my fault more than Vrai because she IS Ms. Plan B
Was I plan Ms. Plan A?
Sorry to hear about the outcome Vria and Larry. You live and learn and move on. Nothings wrong with so.md U, I two went thier.
j/k
Good luck with the entire situation and thanks for keeping us posted... it is very thoughtful to share your knowledge with those that hope to have kids in the future or may have kids getting ready to be in the predictament you and your family is in. God Bless.
Immelu
New Member
Vrai and Larry,
I think you did the right thing and you shouldn't be blaming yourselves. I'm a firm believer that parents should treat their children as adults at 18. From what I can see, every step along the way, you've done your best to give her every opportunity, including emotional and financial support (alot of kids don't get either of those). By giving your daughter the option of getting c's or better and staying in nyc you gave her a choice that she knew would dictate her future. She made the decision and decided that she didn't want to stay. F's don't just happen (unless you totally stop trying). At some point in the semester, she made the decision that her grades didn't matter - thereby cementing her future plans. Unfortunately, she now has to live with her decision, which is another learning experience in being an adult. Personally, I think she wanted to come home, and you all should few this as an opportunity to start fresh.
Of course, that is all based on my experience while going through college and grad school and the way my parents raised me.
On the plus side, she did get a year in NYC, an experience that is priceless.
I think you did the right thing and you shouldn't be blaming yourselves. I'm a firm believer that parents should treat their children as adults at 18. From what I can see, every step along the way, you've done your best to give her every opportunity, including emotional and financial support (alot of kids don't get either of those). By giving your daughter the option of getting c's or better and staying in nyc you gave her a choice that she knew would dictate her future. She made the decision and decided that she didn't want to stay. F's don't just happen (unless you totally stop trying). At some point in the semester, she made the decision that her grades didn't matter - thereby cementing her future plans. Unfortunately, she now has to live with her decision, which is another learning experience in being an adult. Personally, I think she wanted to come home, and you all should few this as an opportunity to start fresh.
Of course, that is all based on my experience while going through college and grad school and the way my parents raised me.
On the plus side, she did get a year in NYC, an experience that is priceless.
Spoiled
Active Member
Everyone is different, it works for some and not others, I am looking to come out of this semester with above a 3.0, 1 final to go... I am a 10-15 minute drive from baltimore and i have everything i need within walking distance of my dorm (mall, movie theater, bars, prison, etc...) just a matter of self control and moderation I guess?vraiblonde said:It was a HUGE mistake for us to take our kid straight from high school to a big city college. We should have had her do a year at a smaller college closer to home, then see how it went from there before we just tossed her into the pit.
Our oldest daughter is back home after failing another class. Her advisor was trying to get us to let her stay but no. I'd rather she be in an environment where she can succeed, even if it's community college or UMD or wherever.
The demands of a highly competitive school, plus living on her own for the first time, plus the distraction of NYC was a recipe for disaster. I blame myself for letting my pride get in the way of my good sense.
So if this helps anyone from making the same mistake I did, I will consider that well worth the cost of her first year tuition.
edit: many people here arent coming back again, most of the people i know are :|
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Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Don't be too certain. My ex boss was a nun and she was a die-hard liberal.kom526 said:the nuns would take care of the liberal-itis.
K
Kain99
Guest
Dejavu! Good Call DJ! My parents ripped me out of a New York College too! It's just not the place for us country bumpkins.