Here is what we learned this week:

[Christy]

I think what some of you are overlooking, is that the girl was smart enough to get into NYU in the first place, as well as be awarded some scholarships. Some of you act like she has been a crack ho, criminal and Vrai and Larry should have just known better than to send her off to college. :shrug:

 

[sleuth]

I think what some of you are overlooking, is that the girl was smart enough to get into NYU in the first place, as well as be awarded some scholarships. Some of you act like she has been a crack ho, criminal and Vrai and Larry should have just known better than to send her off to college. :shrug:

That's kinda the way I see it. She'll figure out what she needs to do. It might be on her dime, but she'll figure it out.

 

[citysherry]

What turned me around was my father saying ... “I'm not doing without so you can go to college and F*** it up. Either get your azz in gear or, get your azz home.” For me, it was a balancing act between socializing and studying - I was having too much fun! While my first semester wasn't pretty, I did learn a valuable lesson in time management and self control.

 

[Elle]

Sounds like she needed to come home for now.

Or she needs to crack down and open the books alittle more. Something had to have changed to go from a B at midterms to a F at the end of the semester. At what age should one be held accountable for their own actions?

 

[kwillia]

I think what some of you are overlooking, is that the girl was smart enough to get into NYU in the first place, as well as be awarded some scholarships. Some of you act like she has been a crack ho, criminal and Vrai and Larry should have just known better than to send her off to college. :shrug:

I don't see where anyone attacked Vrai, Larry or her daughter... Some folks do best with a support system. That has nothing to do with intellect levels.

 

[BadGirl]

I had way too much fun in college and flunked out. It was totally my fault. But I tell you what..... I have NEVER had so much fun in my life as I did in that timeframe. I wouldn't trade a college diploma for that experience.

 

[huntr1]

I think what some of you are overlooking, is that the girl was smart enough to get into NYU in the first place, as well as be awarded some scholarships. Some of you act like she has been a crack ho, criminal and Vrai and Larry should have just known better than to send her off to college. :shrug:

I think it's great she got in. I think it's great you two sent her there. I'm sorry to hear she didn't pull her own weight (not a slam against her). Sometimes the change in lifestyle is just too much, too soon. Give her a year of U MD or FCC and she'll be ready to go back out there (just maybe not back to NYU). Maybe 1 year commuting to U MD from home, then the next year live in an Apt. while attending would work for her/you.

 

[Otter]

Maybe 1 year commuting to U MD from home

Actually, a year or 2 of community college would be a smarter choice IMO.

 

[DoWhat]

Vrai & Larry,
Thanks for sharing the experience.
Can you please remember to bump this thread in a couple years to remind me to make the right decision for my daughter.
TIA

 

[mrweb]

Lots of good opinions and suggestions here, respected one and all. I nearly flunked out my first year, joined the military, grew up, and did well through undergrad and grad school. However, when its your kid faltering, failing and hurting, it puts it in a whole different perspective than imagining what you would IF you had a kid in that predicament.

 

[carolinagirl]

Or she needs to crack down and open the books alittle more. Something had to have changed to go from a B at midterms to a F at the end of the semester. At what age should one be held accountable for their own actions?

I agree. For me, that was alot of what my problem was. I finally had freedom. My dad was strict when I lived at home and the shock of living away from your family for the first time, coupled with all kinds of freedom didn't mix well for me and studying. The fact remains that the summer job my dad got me, made me realize my free ride was over. I could make an effort in college and work part-time or I could work full-time in a mill the rest of my life barely making ends meet. I choose college, but had I not went home that summer the outcome might have been different.

 

[huntr1]

Actually, a year or 2 of community college would be a smarter choice IMO.

Certainly would be cheaper. A whole lot cheaper.

 

[jwwb2000]

This is one reason I choose to go to a private Military Junior College! I didn't do so well my first semester but with the MANDATORY study period things improved. I did not live close to home but it was still in a small town. I had a scholarship to go to a bigger college to play volleyball and run track but I did not want to rely on my athletic ability to get me through college b/c of my klutziness. I am happy with the decision I made. I was able to get my AA and now I just have to finish my bachlor's.

 

[vraiblonde]

Let me say, I don't resent Chasey and Kwillia smacking me in the head with the truth:

Seriously, Vrai...kids go away to college and succeed; it's not far fetched for one to do so. In all honesty, she showed a pattern of behavioral problems long before failing a class, and I believe this is only the beginning for you.

Vrai, I'm thinking this is the same daughter you had mentioned "cleaning up behind" several times before, even for things such as running her school books to school because she didn't think about them until to late, etc. If it is the same kid, it makes sense pulling her back home if you intend to keep prodding her along and assisting her with her responsibilities into adulthood. There are some kids that need continuous parenting well into adulthood. Perhaps this is how she functions best.

Ouch. But there you have it.

Kwillia is right about me spending years cleaning up her messes because of her lack of organization and planning, not to mention that her priorities are all screwed up. In hindsight, we should have known better than to toss this kid into a college like NYU. We figured she'd get her #### together because she HAD to - there was no Mommy dropping what she's doing to take came of some "emergency" that could have been easily prevented.

She'd still call me on Saturday morning because she needed money for books for a class that started on Monday. Same ####, different day. So obviously the "sink or swim" method didn't work like I had hoped - she sunk like a rock.

It's frustrating because she had a "pity me, it's not my fault" mentality before and NYU has just reinforced it, from her teachers down to her classmates, because that's how they all think. So our problem with her is worse than when we started.

At the end of the day, she's not the first kid who ever flunked out of college. We'll all lick our wounds over this, then make a plan and move forward.

 

[Otter]

At the end of the day, she's not the first kid who ever flunked out of college. We'll all lick our wounds over this, then make a plan and move forward.

 

[vraiblonde]

Eye-opener:

Reading all the hoopla about the Newsweek fake story that had serious consequences that they're now trying to pretend wasn't their fault, and getting all their like-minded buddies to plead their case.

Wow. My daughter is a liberal. Who'd have thought that?

 

[Vince]

You all make me appreciate my daughter, but then I always did. I went the route with Community College and finishing her degree at a University. It was a good move, and saved me some money. The two years she spent at home, going to CSM, got her to realize how tough college was and now that she's finishing her education in Florida, she's getting good grades and doing well on her own.

 

[vraiblonde]

You all make me appreciate my daughter, but then I always did. I went the route with Community College and finishing her degree at a University. It was a good move, and saved me some money. The two years she spent at home, going to CSM, got her to realize how tough college was and now that she's finishing her education in Florida, she's getting good grades and doing well on her own.

And here's what's most embarrassing of all: When we refinanced our house a year and a half ago, we had a conversation with the lawyer who put our papers together and she did the exact same thing - started off at community college, then finished up at Harvard or some other hotshot school like that. She got her growing up and practicing out of the way at a cheaper college close to home, then got her diploma at the rock school when she was more mature and better equipped to deal with the pressures.

We didn't listen. We are paying the price now and have learned a good lesson.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

We didn't listen. We are paying the price now and have learned a good lesson.

Just remember that you and Larry are good parents and involved with your childrens' lives.

 

[Vince]

And here's what's most embarrassing of all: When we refinanced our house a year and a half ago, we had a conversation with the lawyer who put our papers together and she did the exact same thing - started off at community college, then finished up at Harvard or some other hotshot school like that. She got her growing up and practicing out of the way at a cheaper college close to home, then got her diploma at the rock school when she was more mature and better equipped to deal with the pressures.

We didn't listen. We are paying the price now and have learned a good lesson.

I know my daughter is not having an easy time of it, but she's dealing with it. I get emails from her all the time at 1am and she's still at school. She goes in at noon and stays past midnight on some project. She's working on a degree in graphic arts. Mostly computer work. She got her Associates in Art at CSM then went on to a graphics art college in Fla. Big bucks. But it's all paid for now and I can concentrate my funding elsewhere.