lnmarsh
Love * Luck * Faith
Sorry guys, but this is a long one...
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively. We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries. He was with me the night my horse died. We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days. He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery. We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together. We've had A LOT of good times together, of course. But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.
Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies. We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc. Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago. Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine. No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc. We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together. Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange. He seems distant. We spend tons of time together. He's not avoiding me. I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc. However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness. He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me. Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend. He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep. He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk. Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away. I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing. Im not sure how to explain it.
Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend. We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog. But I dont think he kissed me not one time. So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.
Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me. Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits. He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion. The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, if he makes it home relatively early.
Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?
I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation. I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc. Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.
I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties. Thank you everyone
EDIT: I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.
Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. We started dating when I was 18 and he was 21; we're now 22 and 25 respectively. We've been through a lot together in these 4 years... Along with the trials of every day life, growing up and becoming an adult, we've dealt with a year-long long-distance relationship (I met him when he was in the Marine Corps and he was stationed in NC), we've been through one deployment together, his subsequent injuries, surgeries, and ongoing recoveries. He was with me the night my horse died. We made a baby together... he was with me when we found out she had died at 12 weeks 6 days. He stayed by my side through my subsequent surgery and recovery. We've fought through that pain of losing the baby together. We've had A LOT of good times together, of course. But we have also had our fair share of the bad along with the good.
Now don’t get me wrong - things between him and I havnt always been rainbows and butterflies. We've had some massive fights, taken "breaks" (never lasted very long), etc. Most of it had to do with the fact that we were so young when we met and we both had a lot of maturing to do. The last "big" thing that had gone wrong in our actual relationship happened well over a year ago. Despite losing the baby in May of this year, we have been doing just fine. No true arguments (if we disagree on something we talk it out), no sleepless nights, no not-answering-the-phone-because-your're-mad, etc. We've just been doing good and really been enjoying being together. Lately, however, he has been acting a little strange. He seems distant. We spend tons of time together. He's not avoiding me. I know that by me saying "he seems distant" some may automatically think he is seeing someone else and/or has a guilt conscience because he has slept with someone else, etc. However I know my boyfriend... one of his best qualities is honesty and faithfulness. He has always been honest with me about everything, even if he knows it will hurt me. Im not worried about him seeing someone else... when I say "he seems distant," I mean that recently (within the past 2 months) hes been treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend. He dosnt put his arm around me when we sleep. He dosnt say "Hey baby" or "I love you" on the phone like he used to... he dosnt call me as much as he used to just to talk. Its to the point now that I am afraid to hug him in public because I am afraid he will push me away. I dont even think he realizes he is doing it... I think its a subconscious thing. Im not sure how to explain it.
Well we went camping together for the first time this past weekend. We had an absolute blast, just him me and the dog. But I dont think he kissed me not one time. So two nights ago I asked him if we could talk. I asked him if I had done something to make him mad. He said no, like I figured he would. I asked him if he was questioning our relationship. He said yes; like I figured he would. While I was expecting that answer, I wasnt nearly as prepared for it as I thought and I got very upset. He explained to me that he is sure that he loves me, that he always has and always will. He just isnt sure if we're meant to be together in the long run. Hes not sure if we're too much alike or just too different. He said that hes been treating us as more of a friendship in his mind, and its making him worry less and subsequently making him happier because he isnt stressed about our relationship. I told him I can tell the difference in the way he acts, and that I dont know why he would be questioning us if he loves me like he says he does. He says that him questioning the relationship dosnt mean that we're not together right now, but he just "needs to figure some things out." Hes not sure if he can get over things that have happened in the past.
Ever since we had that little talk two nights ago, he has kind of been avoiding me. Im worried that I got his mind working in bad ways; Im worried that hes thinking he should just call it quits. He has to work tonight so I wont get to see him, and he will be in DC from Thursday - Sunday for his Marine Corps reunion. The earliest I would be able to see him and actually talk to him is Sunday night, if he makes it home relatively early.
Here's what I am specifically asking for opinions on... Should I be worried that he'll call the whole thing off between him and I? Do you think I should just not text and/or call him this weekend and give him time to chill out, or should I continue to text him when I get off work, etc? Do you think his time away from me this weekend will help in the sense that he may miss me... or do you think it will fuel his questioning/indecisiveness? Should I be worried, or do you think him being away from me and having time to miss me is a good thing?
I am looking for honest opinions and/or insight on my situation. I know this is an open forum and so anyone can post anything, but I am asking those who read this to refrain from any smart @$$ remarks, etc. Im not asking people to sugarcoat things, but please try to keep any "useless" info (i.e. saying "Just leave him" w/o explanation, etc) to yourselves.
I feel rather ridiculous posting my business out there like this... I just cant stop thinking about it and could use some insight from complete 3rd parties. Thank you everyone
EDIT: I forgot to include some things that he said that really fuels my confusion on the whole ordeal. When we were talking he said that he loves me. He loves me more than hes ever loved anyone else and he always will love me. He wants to grow old with me and have babies and make a life together. He loves the great times we've had together and wants to create more good memories. Hes just not sure that we're compatable; hes not sure if we're too alike or too different.
Thats the part that makes no sense to me... Im so confused. If he loves me like he says he does (and hes not the type to sugarcoat things to make it easier on people, including me) and wants to grow old with me and make a life together, then any is he questioning things? What is there to question?! I, personally, think he is "waiting for the other shoe to drop." He was really thrown through a loop when I miscarried... And now we've been doing really well but between the baby and other things that happened in the past, he's just stuck on waiting for something bad to happen.
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Normally I would suggest this, but this particular couple has been through so much. 
