If you cant laugh at yourself, then

[Trunk Monkey]

This one time, I was in the San Diego Zoo. This little kid was tormenting me so I decided to throw some dung at him. I had just reached down and gotten a hand full and just as I threw it, the kids mother yanked him away and a nun stepped up to take a picture.

 

[Tonio]

I use my signatures as opportunities to learn to laugh at myself.

Here's an embarrassing story: during my first semester of college, my roommate and a couple of his friends came back to the room after I had gone to bed. When I woke up, I found that one of the friends was wearing my glasses and the others were laughing. So I walked up to him, grabbed my glasses back, grabbed him by the shirt and snarled, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Then the others started shouting, "Hey, hey, Tonio, chill out, it was just a joke." I said, "No, it wasn't. You were trying to be mean." One of the others rolled his eyes and said, "What are you doing in college? You should go back home until you learn about life." After the friends left, my roommate said, "I can't believe you did that. That one guy was ready to kill you."

 

[LexiGirl75]

Saturday morning it was wet out and I didnt want to walk the dog because of the soggy grass. I put him in the yard and closed the gate and went back upstairs to bed. Heard him bark went back to retrieve him.

When I opened the gate he tried to dodge pass me and so I quickly grabbed for his collar and slid and fell in a split to the ground in the yard. I will be getting my yard landscaped properly this spring.

Oh and for bigger laughs I had on my freshly dry cleaned coat and got mud on it. Took Clorox wipes and got it off though I was tempted to take it back to the cleaners to bring it back to perfection

For more laughs I had to get in the shower extra earlier than planned that morning as well as begin my weekend laundry by rinsing my pj pants. Couldnt let those sit long enough without starting a load. Wet clothes bothers the mind.

 

[migtig]

I work two jobs. One night I had just long enough to get a catnap before starting another workday - I was halfway thru my morning shower before I realized I still had my nightgown on. Also with consideration to my lack of sleep, I have driven to work in dc with two totally different shoes on. I wonder how I make it sometimes.

 

[BuddyLee]

My senior year of high school we all went up to the Holocaust museum in D.C. Afterwards we all went out to lunch, some going to ESPN Zone and others to the Hard Rock Cafe; I went to the Hard Rock Cafe. I'm sitting next to my friend conversing with this beautiful girl who I seem to have more and more in common with as the minutes of talk pass by. Guns and Roses comes on and we connect even more. It was one of lifes greatest moments, you know, you just feel something.

All of a sudden I feel something alright. Blood starts gushing through my nose and like the dork I am I grab all the napkins and hold my head up so that everyone can see this. My friend laughs at me and the girl didn't speak to me the rest of the day.

It's still funny though to laugh at my past dorkiness and dorkiness to come.

 

[Wenchy]

I work two jobs. One night I had just long enough to get a catnap before starting another workday - I was halfway thru my morning shower before I realized I still had my nightgown on. Also with consideration to my lack of sleep, I have driven to work in dc with two totally different shoes on. I wonder how I make it sometimes.

This one is pretty bland, but I laugh whenever I think about it:

4 years ago I was enjoying my cup of morning java while reading the newspaper. It was a rare day off for me, and I had no plans on getting dressed. I was sitting in front of the fireplace in JUST my bathrobe when something caught my eye.

My DAMN Christmas tree was rolling/blowing down the street (it had been on the curb for pick-up)

I flew out of the door, trying to hold my robe together, and ran barefoot down the street. I did catch the tree, and dragged it back...into my backyard, for future collection.

I hope that nobody saw me.

 

[Ponytail]

Here's two typical PT stories from this past weekend.

My recent ex-g/f came in for a visit and wanted to chat. No problem. It was a civil breakup, so why not, eh?

So, we went to dinner, then back to my place cuz she had too much wine at dinner to drive back to DC. No problem. I have two beds in good wokring order, separated by a flight of stairs and thanks to the construction going on in my house, there is also quite the obstacle course between the two.

Prior to knocking off for the evening, I needed to get some dishes done. While doing that, she was And I was and suddenly the glass I was washing EXPLODED in my hand. It didn't hurt, but dang was it gruesome. By the time I was done with the bandages, it looked like I had two well, lemme just say that thank gawd gauze pads don't have strings.

If it was just a cut, I could go get stitches. I'm doing ok with Neosporin and bandages though. It just doesn't look good. I keep getting flipped off when i'm driving cuz my middle finger is constantly extended. At least, that's the reason for it this week.

So then last night, prior to going to the SB party, I had to unphuk my truck. The Emergency brake sometimes gets over-extended at the pedal, and even though the pedal gets released, it won't release the brake. It happened once before so I could handle it this time. Only last time, it was daylight, and I didn't have to use a flashlight.

So. There I am, kneeling next to my truck, 4 D-cell Aluminum flash light in hand trying to find that damn cable end that I gotta give a yank to using my trusty wrench, and WHAMMO!!! . The pedal released, hitting the flashlight which bounced off my noggin right next to my eye. :

I'm hoping that I'll find my wrench while mowing my lawn this spring. I don't think that it went as far as the neighbors yard, but I really don't recall hearing it land. So who knows. And now that I think about it, I'm not sure of the location of my flashlight.

So, at this point I'm picturing walking in to the effing party, late again, with one hand bandaged, a black eye with butterflies in my brow, knowing that the dude hosting the party knows that I was with the ex this weekend. Ya just can't make a believable story up in that situation. Ya just can't.

My eye is fine. Slight bruising, but no cuts, and no black eyes. It'll be a few weeks for the finger to heal up though I think. So if ya see me, try to remember this story, and don't take it personal when ya see my finger.

 

[morganj614]

I did see plenty of "things" while teaching aerobics. More than once a man would wear silky little running shorts and his man parts would fall out when we did floor exercises. A few times there were boobs bouncing out of leotards. Try maintaining your composure when this happens

 

[jazz lady]

Here's two typical PT stories from this past weekend.

My recent ex-g/f came in for a visit and wanted to chat. No problem. It was a civil breakup, so why not, eh?

So, we went to dinner, then back to my place cuz she had too much wine at dinner to drive back to DC. No problem. I have two beds in good wokring order, separated by a flight of stairs and thanks to the construction going on in my house, there is also quite the obstacle course between the two.

Prior to knocking off for the evening, I needed to get some dishes done. While doing that, she was And I was and suddenly the glass I was washing EXPLODED in my hand. It didn't hurt, but dang was it gruesome. By the time I was done with the bandages, it looked like I had two well, lemme just say that thank gawd guaze pads don't have strings.

If it was just a cut, I could go get stitches. I'm doing ok with Neosporin and bandages though. It just doesn't look good. I keep getting flipped off when i'm driving cuz my middle finger is constantly extended. At least, that's the reason for it this week.

So then last night, prior to going to the SB party, I had to unphuk my truck. The Emergency brake sometimes gets overextended at the pedal, and even though the pedal gets released, it won't release the brake. It happened once before so I could handle it this time. Only last time, it was daylight, and I din't have to use a flashlight.

So. there I am, kneeling next to my truck, 4 D-cell Aluminum flash light in hand trying to find that damn cable end thatt I gotta give a yank to using my trusty wrench, and WHAMMO!!! . The pedal released, hitting the flashlight which bounced off my noggin right next to my eye. :

I'm hoping that I'll find my wrench while mowing my lawn this spring. I don't think that it went as far as the neighbors yard, but I really don't recall hearing it land. So who knows. And now that I think about it, I'm not sure of the location of my flashlight.

So, at this point I'm picturing walking in to the effing party, late again, with one hand bandaged, a black eye with butterflies in my brow, knowing that the dude hosting the party knows that I was with the ex this weekend. Ya just can't make a believable story up in that situation. Ya just can't.

My eye is fine. Slight bruising, but no cuts, and no black eyes. It'll be a few weeks for the finger to heal up though I think. So if ya see me, try to remember this story, and don't take it personal when ya see my finger.

Oh...my...gawwwwwwwwddddddd...

 

[MMDad]

A few years ago I had an old Nissan truck. The fuel pump went out, and all the shops wanted $500. I couldn't get one for less than $250, and then I had to drop the gas tank. I wanted to get underneath, but it was too tight. So I used ramps. Since the truck wouldn't start, I put the ramps behind the truck on my steep driveway and started pushing. As I rock the truck it finally goes over the lip and into the well in the ramp. I'm thinking 'YES'. It didn't stop. It was like slow motion. I jump in, and slam on the brakes, and survey the damage.

One twisted ankle.

Drivers side door folded all the way forward.

Big old scratch and dent in the side of the wife's 3 month old van. $1500.

Gave the stupid truck away.

 

[migtig]

So, at this point I'm picturing walking in to the effing party, late again, with one hand bandaged, a black eye with butterflies in my brow, knowing that the dude hosting the party knows that I was with the ex this weekend. Ya just can't make a believable story up in that situation. Ya just can't.

Actually, knowing YOU, I would have believed the truth just fine.
LYMI

 

[Angel]

Years ago, when me and the man had first started dating, we decided to go to Point Lookout for a picnic. While in the midst of trying to impress him and not look like a pig with food all over my face, a bird to decided to take a dump on my head... All that trying to be cute was for nothing... It was pretty funny though...

 

[Ponytail]

A few years ago I had an old Nissan truck. The fuel pump went out, ...

I'm ALWAYS so afraid of doing that when I use my ramps.

But the fuel pump brings up a memory.

A friend of mine was across the street from the hardware store that I was working at (few years ago) installing an electric fuel pump, in an old van that previously had a manual fuel pump.

Gawd, I wish I had the time and written talent to tell the whole story, but long story short, after the smoke cleared, it was a two alarmer, that took out two ajacent cars, two oak trees, a restaurant dumpster and a backyard shed.

 

[BuddyLee]

Years ago, when me and the man had first started dating, we decided to go to Point Lookout for a picnic. While in the midst of trying to impress him and not look like a pig with food all over my face, a bird to decided to take a dump on my head... All that trying to be cute was for nothing... It was pretty funny though...

 

[Ponytail]

Actually, knowing YOU, I would have believed the truth just fine.
LYMI

TYVM.

 

[harleygirl]

Tell us what you did and everyone here will take care of the laughing for you.

after all, what are friends for?

I went white water rafting last year for the first time. I did not know what to expect, but I showed up in full make-up, hair done perfectly, and cute little sandals. I looked around at all the other woman, and they looked like they were getting ready for a triatholon. The tour giude explained the rules, and told us a guide would be in every boat, but they spoke no English. The cutest little Costa Rican fellow hopped in ours, and I could not help but stare at him. Well, we hit the first rapids and I fell out backwards. The guide hopped in the water, and after balancing my butt with his hands a few minutes, he managed to drag me back in the boat. I looked like a drowned rat, make-up running all down my face and hair a mess. My brother and hubby started laughing hysterically. I got so angry at them, I started cussing, and hubby said, "I told you you were not prepared, you should not have worn make-up, and should have pulled your hair back. I told hubby I was glad I looked good for a few minutes, because my plan was to seduce the hottie tour guide, make passionate love to him, and stay here with him in Costa Rica. The guide stared laughing. I looked at him and said, please do not tell me you know English. He stated "yes, I do."

 

[RoseRed]

When I was 15, I went to dinner with my bestest friend who was turning 16 and her parents to a pretty swanky restaurant in Burlingame on the Bay. Sandra and I went to the powderroom and on the way back caught sight of a hottie waiter. As we were flirting with him, I stepped on to a very waxed floor and slipped in my heels and fell to the floor.

 

[harleygirl]

When I was 15, I went to dinner with my bestest friend who was turning 16 and her parents to a pretty swanky restaurant in Burlingame on the Bay. Sandra and I went to the powderroom and on the way back caught sight of a hottie waiter. As we were flirting with him, I stepped on to a very waxed floor and slipped in my heels and fell to the floor.

You poor thing......

 

[Wenchy]

I was a Girl Scout.

My mom was taking her final for her Pharmocology course that day.

She forgot that I had taken the bus directly to Scout's from school, and that she needed to pick me up at 5:00.

She bought me the elastic waist underwear (white) with little ruffles around the legs. After the meeting that day, the underwear I was wearing gave up the ghost.

These uniforms were quite short in the early 70's. I felt the "SNAP" and before I knew it, the underwear were at my ankles.

I quickly removed them, stuck them in my uniform pocket, and tried to "hide " underneath a huge oak tree. I sat down, legs together, to try and be inconspicuous.

The Scout Leader tried to get me to wait in her car...she HAD to wait, because my Mom was a no-show. She had her son in that car...NO WAY!

My Mom showed up. She was only fifteen minutes late.

She never bought me "bloomers" again.

 

[RoseRed]

You poor thing......

My ego has been bruised forever.

But... I did see a book at the library this afternoon with my Bug. It was titled Mig the Pig... sorry Mig...