Interesting take

[vraiblonde]

Appreciate the liars. When people don't hide things, it means they don't care enough to be afraid of losing you.

This quote is from a book of short stories by Danielle Evans - which was very good except I cried through most of them. Chick territory, guys shouldn't bother with it.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting and not sure whether I agree or disagree. My first impulse is to call bullchit, because there is nothing more attractive in a relationship than honesty. And when honesty falls by the wayside, intimacy typically goes after it.

But then I thought she might actually have a point. I mean, why do people lie? So they won't get caught doing whatever bad thing they don't want you to know about. And why don't they want you to know about it? Because they care what you think of them.

So is it possible that honesty is overrated in relationships? Or is Danielle's character who stated this full of crap and people should simply not do things they'll have to lie about?

 

[Vince]

Appreciate the liars. When people don't hide things, it means they don't care enough to be afraid of losing you.

This quote is from a book of short stories by Danielle Evans - which was very good except I cried through most of them. Chick territory, guys shouldn't bother with it.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting and not sure whether I agree or disagree. My first impulse is to call bullchit, because there is nothing more attractive in a relationship than honesty. And when honesty falls by the wayside, intimacy typically goes after it.

But then I thought she might actually have a point. I mean, why do people lie? So they won't get caught doing whatever bad thing they don't want you to know about. And why don't they want you to know about it? Because they care what you think of them.

So is it possible that honesty is overrated in relationships? Or is Danielle's character who stated this full of crap and people should simply not do things they'll have to lie about?

Honesty is best. Sooner or later you catch them in the lie and think a lot less of them: one for lying to you to begin with and two because you found out about the lie and they didn't tell you about it. And of course there's the severity of the lie. Lying is nothing anyone should bring to a relationship....if you actually want a relationship. Yes, you are correct. Danielle Steeles character is full of crap.

 

[RoseRed]

Appreciate the liars. When people don't hide things, it means they don't care enough to be afraid of losing you.

This quote is from a book of short stories by Danielle Evans - which was very good except I cried through most of them. Chick territory, guys shouldn't bother with it.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting and not sure whether I agree or disagree. My first impulse is to call bullchit, because there is nothing more attractive in a relationship than honesty. And when honesty falls by the wayside, intimacy typically goes after it.

But then I thought she might actually have a point. I mean, why do people lie? So they won't get caught doing whatever bad thing they don't want you to know about. And why don't they want you to know about it? Because they care what you think of them.

So is it possible that honesty is overrated in relationships? Or is Danielle's character who stated this full of crap and people should simply not do things they'll have to lie about?

Honesty is best. Sooner or later you catch them in the lie and think a lot less of them: one for lying to you to begin with and two because you found out about the lie and they didn't tell you about it. And of course there's the severity of the lie. Lying is nothing anyone should bring to a relationship....if you actually want a relationship. Yes, you are correct. Danielle Steeles character is full of crap.

 

[Vince]

I confused authors and characters. Duh.

 

[onebdzee]

Honesty is best. Sooner or later you catch them in the lie and think a lot less of them: one for lying to you to begin with and two because you found out about the lie and they didn't tell you about it. And of course there's the severity of the lie. Lying is nothing anyone should bring to a relationship....if you actually want a relationship. Yes, you are correct. Danielle Steeles character is full of crap.

Have to agree....once you've been lied to, you don't trust that person....it take quite a bit to regain that trust, if at all

like the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"....same goes for liars....if you want a relationship with a person, it has to be an honest one(no matter the results) if you want it to last....if the person that you are wanting a relationship with is accepting of you and want the relationship also, they will accept what ever it was that you were going to lie about

Added note: cultural anthropology is the suck and if this doesn't make sense, I apologize

 

[lnmarsh]

Interesting point of view... Not sure if I agree or disagree. I think its a little of both.

 

[Abc123]

I say this is If someone lies to me, it instantly puts them in the "do not trust" category. And it would take a VERY long time for them to be removed from that category, without being caught in another lie. Add more lies to it, the further down the list they go in the trust factor.
And if I can't trust my SO, I will not stay in the relationship. Piece of cake. Been there, done that, too much heartache involved.

Appreciate the liars. When people don't hide things, it means they don't care enough to be afraid of losing you.

This quote is from a book of short stories by Danielle Evans - which was very good except I cried through most of them. Chick territory, guys shouldn't bother with it.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting and not sure whether I agree or disagree. My first impulse is to call bullchit, because there is nothing more attractive in a relationship than honesty. And when honesty falls by the wayside, intimacy typically goes after it.

But then I thought she might actually have a point. I mean, why do people lie? So they won't get caught doing whatever bad thing they don't want you to know about. And why don't they want you to know about it? Because they care what you think of them.

So is it possible that honesty is overrated in relationships? Or is Danielle's character who stated this full of crap and people should simply not do things they'll have to lie about?

 

[vraiblonde]

I heard a woman one time say, about her philandering husband, "At least he's still trying to hide it." The implication being that at least he still wants to be in the marriage because, if he didn't, he'd just throw it in her face so she'd have no choice but to leave him.

So far most of us are against this line of thinking.

 

[Nickel]

But then I thought she might actually have a point. I mean, why do people lie? So they won't get caught doing whatever bad thing they don't want you to know about. And why don't they want you to know about it? Because they care what you think of them.

But if they really cared about what you think of them, they'd probably have done their best to avoid whatever bad thing they were doing. Are we talking "No, those jeans don't make your butt look huge", or "No, I didn't sleep with the babysitter"?

 

[libertytyranny]

I heard a woman one time say, about her philandering husband, "At least he's still trying to hide it." The implication being that at least he still wants to be in the marriage because, if he didn't, he'd just throw it in her face so she'd have no choice but to leave him.

So far most of us are against this line of thinking.

But if he wanted to be in the marriage..wouldn't he just..NOT cheat?


that's the hole in that logic. If they truely cared about you and what you thought..they wouldn't do the bad things in the first place..right?

 

[rpexie]

I think there are the few cases in which someone lies to spare your feelings but for the most part I think lying is purely a selfish reaction. People lie because they dont want to look the villian, they dont want to have a bad reputation, and because they dont want to endure the consequences of their actions.

Generally speaking, the people that lie to "protect you" are usually the ones that start blaming you, "I would have told you but I didnt want to hurt you", "I only cheated because you didnt give me enough attention!". Either way, they dont want to take the blame.

 

[vraiblonde]

that's the hole in that logic. If they truely cared about you and what you thought..they wouldn't do the bad things in the first place..right?

That would be my take, but it's interesting when someone sees it differently. In case you didn't notice , I have a huge interest in human behavior. I'm trying to learn not to make value judgments, as the hippie kids say, and just try to learn and understand why people think and feel the way they do.

 

[RoseRed]

That would be my take, but it's interesting when someone sees it differently. In case you didn't notice , I have a huge interest in human behavior. I'm trying to learn not to make value judgments, as the hippie kids say, and just try to learn and understand why people think and feel the way they do.

Is this a scientific experiment?

 

[Christy]

Appreciate the liars. When people don't hide things, it means they don't care enough to be afraid of losing you.

So is it possible that honesty is overrated in relationships? Or is Danielle's character who stated this full of crap and people should simply not do things they'll have to lie about?

Speaking from experience, I think this whole sentiment is merely an attempt to rationalize chitty behavior and make oneself not feel like such a loser for accepting it. :shrug:

So yes, Danielle's character is full of crap and should be flogged for promoting such silliness.

 

[n0n1m0us3]

I really don't like liars. If I have to sit there and interpret whether someone is telling me the truth or not, it's just not worth it. The worst is people who lie about little things, when they get busted they try to justify it saying they're only lying about the little things, but to me if you are willing to lie about dumb chit you are probably willing to lie about anything.

 

[Cowgirl]

I hate the thought of being lied to, especially by my husband. I'd much rather hear the truth, even if it isn't a nice truth.

 

[vraiblonde]

Is this a scientific experiment?

No, just interested in what others think of this statement.

 

[lnmarsh]

Hold on. People hear the term "liar" in regards to a relationship and they automatically assume that someone is cheating.

What if the author meant "liars" in the sense of "little white lies." Little harmless "lies" to keep from hurting someone over something small and insignificant? Like telling your best friend she still looks good in last year's jeans I truly believe that honesty is the best policy. I really do. Im just trying to throw another perspective out there on the whole "liars" thing. Im sure no one will agree or even try to see where Im coming from. But yea anyway

 

[n0n1m0us3]

Hold on. People hear the term "liar" in regards to a relationship and they automatically assume that someone is cheating.

What if the author meant "liars" in the sense of "little white lies." Little harmless "lies" to keep from hurting someone over something small and insignificant? Like telling your best friend she still looks good in last year's jeans I truly believe that honesty is the best policy. I really do. Im just trying to throw another perspective out there on the whole "liars" thing. Im sure no one will agree or even try to see where Im coming from. But yea anyway

I was trying to respond to your original post but it disappeared and was replaced with this watered down version. The scenario that you outlined about lying to your man about an ex-boyfriend is exactly the type of lies people try to justify and to me are unacceptable. If I found out my man lied to me about whether some ex girlfriend was contacting him on Facebook I would be pissed and consider kicking him to the curb. Not the magnitude of the lie but the disrespect contained in the lie.
To me that lie is not the same as telling your friend that she still looks good in last year's jeans. In one you are lying to save yourself the trouble of listening to your man complain, in the other you are trying to spare your friend's feelings and maybe give her a needed confidence boost.

 

[Nanny Pam]

Has anyone ever had the hots for their fantasy guy? Movie star? Football player, ex boyfriend? race car driver? Whoever.
OK....now....if you could do him and get away with it, would you?
You ARE in love with your husband, and you don't really want to hurt him in any way, but this is your fantasy guy!!
OK, now lets say that it is *once & done* kind of thing. No one will ever find out. EVER. Are you gonna do him?

Be honest. Remember....no one will find out, ever.