'Milk Carton Rule'

[GURPS]

The milk carton rule is based on a real-life example found in a psychology textbook, which tells the story of two people we'll call Vicky and Peter.

Every morning, Vicki gets up early for work, makes coffee, and runs off to the office. Many mornings, though, Vicki forgets to put the milk for her coffee back in the fridge. When her husband Peter wakes up a few hours later, he finds a carton of warm milk on the counter.

Over and over, Peter gets frustrated and confronts Vicki about it when she returns home. Vicki always apologizes, but she continues to make the same mistake. Peter brings up the problem one day to his therapist, to show the type of behavior he has to deal with.

T: "How often does she do this?"
P: "I've lost count."
T: "For how many years?"
P: "At least 10 years, ever since she took this job."
T: "So, do you base your prediction of what will happen every morning based on what she does or what you want her to do?"
P: "I base it on what's right. And what she'd do if she truly loved me."
T: "So, let me get this straight: She's done this hundreds, possibly thousands of times."
P: "Yup. See how inconsiderate she is!"
T: "But after hundreds or thousands of times, you're still shocked at her behavior. Shouldn't you expect her to leave out the milk? Are you basing your expectation on what you want or what she's done?"
P: "I guess on what I want."
T: "Now, how would you feel differently if you based your expectation on what she actually did, instead of what you wanted her to do?"
P: "I guess I wouldn't be so angry. I'd just get two containers of milk."

How Emotionally Intelligent People Use the 'Milk Carton Rule' to Solve Problems and Avoid Frustration

The 'milk carton rule' helps you use principles of psychology to close the gap between your expectations and reality, which can help you work better and live better.

www.inc.com

 

[Gilligan]

What do they say about the wife that hides the scotch bottle every day? Same thing?...keep two bottles around.

 

[Kyle]

Why didn't the therapist ask why his lazy ass is still in bed several hours later?

"You gonna sleep all ####### day you ####### Democrat?"

 

[vraiblonde]

Vicky isn't "forgetting", Vicky is being passive-aggressive.

How many times does her boss have to tell her something? Does Boss have to make the same requests over and over?

Does Vicky forget social engagements with her friends?

Does she forget to wash her hair or wear shoes or brush her teeth?

If Vicky can remember those things, she can remember to put the ****ing milk back in the fridge when she's done with it. If your spouse asks you to do or stop doing something, and you keep "forgetting", you're a douche spoiling for a fight. Someone you care about should have to ask you once, maybe twice - after that you're doing it on purpose because you know it pisses them off.

Some of these "psychologists" are real dumbasses. My question would be, "Vicky, why do you purposely keep leaving the milk out when you know it means Peter won't have cold milk for his coffee and it makes him upset?"

 

[Kyle]

Vicky isn't "forgetting", Vicky is being passive-aggressive.


Some of these "psychologists" are real dumbasses. My question would be, "Vicky, why do you purposely keep leaving the milk out when you know it means Peter won't have cold milk for his coffee and it makes him upset?"

Maybe she's trying to instigate him to get his lazy ass out of the ####### bed?

If Peter wants unspoiled milk, get the #### up!

 

[vraiblonde]

Maybe she's trying to instigate him to get his lazy ass out of the ####### bed?

If Peter wants unspoiled milk, get the #### up!

You laugh but I'll bet you that's exactly why she does it - she's pissed that she has to get up earlier than he does, so she punishes him for it.

He should wash all of her clothes on hot with a red sock, and when she bitches that he ruined her clothes he can say, "Gee, honey, I guess I forgot...."

 

[Gilligan]

You laugh but I'll bet you that's exactly why she does it - she's pissed that she has to get up earlier than he does, so she punishes him for it.

He should wash all of her clothes on hot with a red sock, and when she bitches that he ruined her clothes he can say, "Gee, honey, I guess I forgot...."

I'd love to see the percentage of relationships saved by you if you were a marriage/relationship counselor. "Precisely Zero" comes quickly to mind...

 

[jrt_ms1995]

I'd love to see the percentage of relationships saved by you if you were a marriage/relationship counselor. "Precisely Zero" comes quickly to mind...

Well, obviously, those marriages weren't worth saving.

 

[Kyle]

I'd love to see the percentage of relationships saved by you if you were a marriage/relationship counselor. "Precisely Zero" comes quickly to mind...

Actually she gives good advice.

Not exactly the kind you would normally expect, and caveated with "can I be mean for a moment", but it's good advice.

 

[BOP]

Vicky isn't "forgetting", Vicky is being passive-aggressive.

How many times does her boss have to tell her something? Does Boss have to make the same requests over and over?

Does Vicky forget social engagements with her friends?

Does she forget to wash her hair or wear shoes or brush her teeth?

If Vicky can remember those things, she can remember to put the ****ing milk back in the fridge when she's done with it. If your spouse asks you to do or stop doing something, and you keep "forgetting", you're a douche spoiling for a fight. Someone you care about should have to ask you once, maybe twice - after that you're doing it on purpose because you know it pisses them off.

Some of these "psychologists" are real dumbasses. My question would be, "Vicky, why do you purposely keep leaving the milk out when you know it means Peter won't have cold milk for his coffee and it makes him upset?"

It's fairly widely accepted that most of them got into the field because of their own mental health issues. I'd like to see a profile on psychologists as a group.

 

[Bird Dog]

I would turn passive agressive also. Pour the milk out and next morning "no milk".
Oh, honey the milk got spoiled and I threw it out. Can you pick up another one on your way home from work?

 

[Kyle]

I'd like to see a profile on psychologists as a group.

 

[Sneakers]

If the milk gets left out, it's one of those, ah hell moments. No passive-aggressive, no drama. Just a "you stupid idjit" comment to myself.

 

[Clem72]

If the milk gets left out, it's one of those, ah hell moments. No passive-aggressive, no drama. Just a "you stupid idjit" comment to myself.

The point isn't the behavior itself, it's the fact that he has made a completely reasonable request hundreds or thousands of times and apparently that doesn't prompt her to make even the most rudimentary adjustment to her routine. She literally doesn't care that her actions impact him. This is the same mentality some people have where they believe it's perfectly okay to do something that saves them a few seconds of work but costs someone else minutes/hours to fix.

 

[Sneakers]

he has made a completely reasonable request hundreds or thousands of times

What is they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Sounds like he needs to take a different approach.

 

[vraiblonde]

As I was making breakfast it occurred to me that maybe the reason Vicky keeps "forgetting" to put the milk away is because Peter keeps "forgetting" to put the toilet seat back down after he pees.

It's pretty amazing the petty things people will do to create conflict when it takes about 1 second to create peace and harmony. It takes way longer to fight about the milk or toilet seat than it does to simply follow a request.

 

[Kyle]

Every new home should come with a urinal.

 

[Sneakers]

Every new home should come with a urinal.

Slop sink in the laundry room works fine.

 

[gemma_rae]

I'd booby trap the milk and say "Yeah, pretty hard to open the milk with one hand ain't it?"

 

[Monello]

Switch to powdered milk or non dairy creamer powder.