'Milk Carton Rule'
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SamSpade
Well-Known Member
My son forgets to put the milk away almost every single day. And the cereal box. And the nearly empty bowl of cereal. Every damned day.
Now, I give him latitude because he has a cognitive disorder that he was born with. He also forgets to do lots of other things - like flush, drain the bathtub, take his medication and so on.
(I'll have to admit, *I* am guilty often on that last one - medication. It was easy to maintain a medication habit when it was just two pills, every day, ad infinitum. It became worse when it was a one-time regimen of THIS pill for two weeks, this other pill weekly, getting a re-fill on this pill every 30 days and it taking a week to get the doctor to sign off on it and having to handwalk the prescription because it's against regs to call it in - and so on. I haven't taken it today yet).
I never forget to feed the cats - they are relentless in REMINDING me. I do forget to run the dishwasher, because often someone is still eating or will eat later, and I have no desire to wait nor do I relish seeing dirty dishes later, because I didn't.
I forget to buy gas. Scary. I forget to do laundry and forget to get the dog's medicine.
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SOME things you don't forget, because they are part of your routine. I don't miss my morning coffee. I'm not late for work. I remember all of my kid's after school activities. And so on. I neglect things that aren't routine - like fixing things that are broken or paying a bill that isn't a regular bill.
But I also forget things - and it is not willful - because likely at some deep, visceral level I honestly don't assign much value to it. I would go NUTS if I WILLFULLY forgot all of those things. For instance, I usually forget where a lot of kitchen stuff goes. I forget my wife's plans for a given day. I forget to wipe down the table after a meal, even after meticulously cleaning the kitchen. I forget to bring an umbrella.
I suppose, like my kids, I forget to do things, because they are NOT routine and part of me doesn't want to. Like the occasional dog mess in the house, my kids (whose responsibility it is) will forget to deal with it. They will see it, make a mental note of it, but because they don't want to do it AT THE TIME, they tell themselves they'll do it later and once out of sight -out of mind. Ditto my son, with the trash. Sees it, thinks, "that needs to go out - but not now" and then forgets.
AH, I always knew I had a soulmate somewhere in this big ole world.
YOU don't assign much value to it. It's not important to YOU. But if it's important to your wife or husband, shouldn't an effort be made?
Because, like, if your boss said, "SamSpade, from now on I want the cases of pens in the supply room to be organized by color and weight." You might think, well, that's stupid because you can look at the end of the box and see what they are, plus we only have 4 or 5 cases of pens anyway. But your boss wants it that way and it's important to him even though it's not important to you. So you do it.
It's always interesting to me that we curry favor with bosses, and friends, and complete strangers, but with our wives and husbands it's like, meh, get over it.
So here goes Peter and Vicky, where Vicky is aware that it upsets Peter when she doesn't put the milk back in the fridge, an act that would take literally two seconds.....because she's too busy running off to work so she can meet all the demands of her boss and clients and co-workers. THEY are important to her, and Peter not so much.
That, in my opinion, is what the counselor should be focusing on. Because Vicky isn't merely leaving the milk out; she's signaling to Peter that he's not important to her.
Sneakers
Just sneakin' around....
Mine acted like she did have one.My first wife had a degree in Pyschology.
It didn't help.
Didn't help either.
Mine later went on to get a Masters Degree to specialize in substance abuse counseling.
Too late to help me though.
TPD
the poor dad
I would like to think it was employees at the grocery store who left it sitting on the floor too long last week during that hot day before getting it in the cooler. I will give my wife the benefit of the doubt...this time....Wife forget to put it away?
SamSpade
Well-Known Member
YOU don't assign much value to it. It's not important to YOU. But if it's important to your wife or husband, shouldn't an effort be made?
Because, like, if your boss said, "SamSpade, from now on I want the cases of pens in the supply room to be organized by color and weight." You might think, well, that's stupid because you can look at the end of the box and see what they are, plus we only have 4 or 5 cases of pens anyway. But your boss wants it that way and it's important to him even though it's not important to you. So you do it.
It's always interesting to me that we curry favor with bosses, and friends, and complete strangers, but with our wives and husbands it's like, meh, get over it.
And I do actually do things, because my wife wants or expects it. Sometimes the problem arises because deep down, I don't really know what she is talking about. Which knife goes in the block blade up, which one goes blade down. Which utensil goes in the dishwasher handle up, or down. All of these spices go HERE, while these go HERE, and the rest go HERE. Which shelve of the pantry or freezer this or that thing goes on - and it doesn't matter if there's way too much of this or that to even FIT on that shelf. THOSE kinds of things can be maddening, and I suspect they're whimsical. Because I SWEAR - they change from month to month.
Obvious ones like the toilet seat, I can follow, although there's different rules for HER bathroom, and the general use/guest bathroom. But it does seem to me that some rules I don't follow, because they are actually impossible, like being in a right turn only lane and seeing a sign saying "No Right Turn".
Food that SPOILS, I would think that would be universally understood. There are food rules I don't get - ketchup isn't refrigerated, but mustard IS. Most fruits aren't refrigerated (experience with bananas - I GET). Some vegetables ARE, and some aren't. Tomatoes seem to go back and forth. I GET that food that contains DAIRY should be refrigerated; ditto meats and cheeses.
You're right, because deep down, some rules I think are stupid, and yeah, I follow rules the boss lays down, although I do fight them quietly. We used to have a system of program evaluation and documentation that got pushed throughout our work without regard to circumstances. A typical one (that eventually abandoned) was the insertion of comments of changes made to programs WHERE THEY OCCUR, with commenting out old code, explanation of new code and dating of the change. I had programs that were five to six times longer than the actual code, and were nigh close to UNREADABLE because of the insistence of this rule. So from time to time - I just ignored it. I can't see the wisdom of spending 80 to 90 percent of my time trying to explain what something DOES and so little on making sure it works.
jrt_ms1995
Well-Known Member
Ah, the story of man in twelve words!
Clem72
Well-Known Member
I think that would have come up if it were the case (or if she doesn't mention it then it's not equivalent).
But since you brought it up, expecting the man to put the seat down is not a "fair" or equitable situation. Instead of both parties performing a roughly equal action necessary for their needs (lifting or lowering as needed) you assume one party should be fully responsible for all actions. You are letting your toilet privilege show.
As for me, I always put it down as well as the lid (because I don't want toilet water particles ejected into the air when flushed). Then I get yelled at for putting the lid down. Can't win.
It takes 1 second to put the seat down and much much longer than that to argue about it. You pick.
Also you all mens dribble on the toilet rim and it looks disgusting. If you put the seat down your wife will never see it and won't fuss at you. So that's time saved arguing as well.
Keep peace… Hide the evidence.
It takes 1 second to put the seat down and much much longer than that to argue about it. You pick.
Also you all mens dribble on the toilet rim and it looks disgusting. If you put the seat down your wife will never see it and won't fuss at you. So that's time saved arguing as well.