Notifying the "ex" of Remarriage

[crabcake]

Just heard on the radio that Dayannara Torres (Marc Anthony's rapidly-acquired ex-wife courtesy of the Dominican Republic Divorce Courts) learned of "Jenthony's" nuptuals when she flipped on her computer the next day.

Do you think that if one former spouse is getting re-married, and there are kids involved, he/she should at least extend the courtesy of a phone call to the ex? I'd hate for my kid to find out this news on the computer/tv/radio, of all places.

Even if kids aren't involved, I'd hate to be bombarded with a bunch of "Oh, I'm so sorry" phone calls and not know WTF they were talking about.

 

[nomoney]

only if kids are involved I think. You have a right to know so you can sit and talk with the kids about any concerns they might have. But if there aren't kids involved I don't see why you'd need to know....:shrug:

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by cariblue
Is it on again?

they already did it. didn't ya hear?

 

[justhangn]

From experience.......

the wench will drill the kids about the new girlfriend regardless, she'll find out that way if you have kids.

 

[Nanny Pam]

I said "yes if there are kids involved."
But what if the kids are all grown up, outta the house , on their own, and maybe even married themselves? <--- my situation.

Then...... "nunya"

 

[crabcake]

Re: From experience.......

Originally posted by justhangn
the wench will drill the kids about the new girlfriend regardless, she'll find out that way if you have kids.

I dunno. M&J did this pretty likity split ... he was divorced one day and married a couple days later. I'd bet dollars to donuts the kids hadn't even met Lopez yet.

 

[pixiegirl]

I'd have to say it all depends. If there are no kids involved then it's a NOYFB. If there are kids involved and a decent amount of interation then how could you not know? But if you don't know then it would be the polite thing to do. But.... If the kids are older or there isn't a lot of involvement from one parent then it's back to NOYFB. People get divorced for a reason; usually because they don't like each other anymore. There's no rule that you have to look out for them or their feelings anymore.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by cariblue
Is it on again?

If there are kids involved, certainly they would know and tell the other parent, right? I didn't make a special point to contact my ex - I figured it was nunya. :shrug:

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
There's no rule that you have to look out for them or their feelings anymore.

I agree, except in situations like mine and J's ... we maintain an amicable relationship, and still consult with eachother (for the most part) on things that even slightly might affect the DQ. Not so much for approval, but simply as a courtesy.

 

[justhangn]

Re: Re: From experience.......

Originally posted by crabcake
I dunno. M&J did this pretty likity split ... he was divorced one day and married a couple days later. I'd bet dollars to donuts the kids hadn't even met Lopez yet.

You can't consider what the sick and shameless do as normal behavior.

 

[vraiblonde]

I wonder whether Ben Affleck is sad or if he feels like he dodged a bullet?

 

[crabcake]

Re: Re: Re: From experience.......

Originally posted by justhangn
You can't consider what the sick and shameless do as normal behavior.

I don't ... I think it's downright rude, personally, and if I find myself with a few extra Benjamin's just laying around, I'd be callin' my pop's bookie and get in on the Vegas odds action with my vote being cast for <9 months on it lasting.

 

[Nickel]

I wouldn't care to know one way or the other (the hypothetical "ex" would be my "ex" for a valid reason), but if the kids are old enough to understand and have a relationship with the mother or father that's getting remarried, I think that person should tell the child. I certainly wouldn't notify my ex if I got married, as previously stated, it's usually NOYFB.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by justhangn
You can't consider what the sick and shameless do as normal behavior.

 

[crabcake]

Let me just reiterate here ... "informing" does NOT mean "getting permission."

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by crabcake
Let me just reiterate here ... "informing" does NOT mean "getting permission."

I don't see where it's any of their business who or what you are doing........

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by crabcake
I agree, except in situations like mine and J's ... we maintain an amicable relationship, and still consult with eachother (for the most part) on things that even slightly might affect the DQ. Not so much for approval, but simply as a courtesy.

Well I said if there were kids and both parents were involved.

I've gone the route of trying to "inform" my ex of what was going on in our (Noah and myself) lives and caught a rash off poop for it from the ex. That in itself is ammusing. But since he doesn't put any effort into raising his son or supporting him then what I do with myself or my kid is none of his business. After I stopped telling him where we were living and whatnot else he tried to play the "I'm the father, I have a right to know" b/s. I had to let him know that he was a sperm donor and that the court gave me "sole" custody of Noah because he wasn't enough of a father. In my case it causes more drama then good and my ex has no problem throwing a grown up temper tantrum in front of my son.

But if there are kids and both parties involved are (or at least can act like) adults then I don't see why not.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by crabcake
Let me just reiterate here ... "informing" does NOT mean "getting permission."

My ex called me when he was getting remarried and I was like, "Who cares?" I'd already heard from the kids that they liked her and Daddy was thinking of getting married. Anything after that is just sh*t stirring and attention whore behavior.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by justhangn
I don't see where it's any of their business who or what you are doing........

don't read into it ... I'm not suggesting an in-depth discussion. I am simply saying either an email or phone call saying, "Hey, FYI, me and X are getting married, and I just thought, as a courtesy, I would let you know, as I plan to invite X mutual friends, and didn't want you blindsided by the news."

Period.

Maybe it's just me, but I think that would be appropriate, but I don't have a nasty relationship with my ex and don't with the fleas of a 1000 camels to infest his crotch and his arms to short to reach and scratch.









Okay, maybe the fleas of 500 camels, but who's counting?

 

[vraiblonde]

But again, Crab - wouldn't the kid have already told the other parent?