Paging Dr. Laura

[vraiblonde]

Okay, I realize how lucky I am because this is the most pressing problem in my life right now. But I'd still like some input:

Our oldest daughter is a Sr. this year. For the last 3 years, I've been to the school at least once a week because she forgot her lunch, her books, her whatever and I, because I'm a bad Mom, would take it to her.

Today, the 4th day of her Sr. year, she left her Calc book sitting on the breakfast table. She called and asked if I'd bring it when I went in to work. I, because I'm a bad Mom, did so. When I walked in the office, the secretary looked at me and said, "Another school year begins." That's how bad it is.

So you all talk some sense into me and tell me to quit running errands for this child! I know that I'm teaching her a bad habit. I know she should be responsible for herself. I know that I should let her sink or swim. What's going to happen when she's at college next year with no bad Mommy to bring her her stuff?

I'm a sucker!!!!!!!

 

[SeaRide]

Tell her that you are going to have her being tested and probed by doctors to see if she does have A.D.D. or something. Hopefully, this tactic will straighten her up.

:shrug:

 

[cattitude]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Okay, I realize how lucky I am because this is the most pressing problem in my life right now. But I'd still like some input:

You need the Otter lecture.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by SeaRide
Tell her that you are going to have her being tested and probed by doctors to see if she does have A.D.D. or something. Hopefully, this tactic will straighten her up.

I tried that but she's shameless. She'll bust on one of her little sisters about forgetting something or some kid boneheadedness and I'll cut her off with, "Yeah, well Emilie didn't call me this morning because she forgot her books." It has no effect on her. She thinks it's her divine right to have servants.

So this is my goal for the year. Next time the child calls because she forgot something, I'll just say, "Sucks to be you" and hang up.

 

[Otter]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
"Sucks to be you" and hang up.

 

[carolinagirl]

Oh, I am so glad you mentioned this Vrai. I have the same problem with my 11 year old. My hubby is always getting on me about taking up her slack when she is not responsible, but I "argue she'll grow out of it." This has been an eye opener that if I continue to be a "bad mom" also, she will never learned to be responsible!

She is only in the sixth grade, but now as good a time as any to stop!!! Let me know what works for you.

 

[Sharon]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I'll just say, "Sucks to be you" and hang up.

I'd have said that the first time.

I'm not only a bad mom, I'm a MEAN mom too.

Seriously though, my sons used to sneak toys to school in their bookbags when they were young, after I repeatedly told them NOT to do it. The first time the teacher took one away, they came home and told me I can go and pick it up in the office.

Yeah, right!

 

[Jimbo]

Originally posted by kwillia
YES! YES! YES!

Seriously though, you're letting her walk all over you, and she may not realize she's even doing it. Cut the apron strings and let her fall down a couple of times.. I mean, its better she learn to be more responsible now, take a couple of proverbial black eyes over some small things, than one day get herself in a pickle and not know how to deal with it.

Besides, do you know how high maintainance you're encouraging her to be? I already feel sorry for the poor guys that she's going to date, oh the stress they are going to have to deal with...

 

[Dymphna]

You know what you have to do. You said so in your opening post. Is this what you want from us?
Feel better?

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Jimbo
Besides, do you know how high maintainance you're encouraging her to be? I already feel sorry for the poor guys that she's going to date, oh the stress they are going to have to deal with

That's their problem. She's been a since the day she was born. I felt sorry for my future son-in-law the minute the child sprang from the womb.

But you're right. I know you're right. I'm a sucker and she takes advantage of it. She knows I'll feel sorry for her if she gets a reprimand for forgetting her books or papers.

Sharon, come parent my kids for awhile.

 

[Erin]

I disagree

I remember my mom bringing me things & I appreciated it. It's a great feeling to know you can Always rely on someon, that unconditional love. Senior year is a little late to cut her off. When she is in college, she'll remember fondly all the times you were there for her - I did with my Mom.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by cmcdanal
Feel better?

Yes. Because now I've come clean with it. It's public. So if I renege on my vow, Larry will post it and I'll have to eat crow.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Erin
It's a great feeling to know you can Always rely on someon, that unconditional love.

ARRRRRRRGH! Thanks ERIN!!!! This is what I fight. It's not inconvenient to even take the stuff to her. It's that I want her to be prepared for life without Mommy. I want her to be organized and responsible.

 

[Dymphna]

Re: Re: I disagree

Originally posted by kwillia
I don't think Vrai is talking about a "once in a blue moon" favor.... some kids make a habit of it and expect to be rescued on a regular basis... better to break the habit in senior year of high school rather than when she is a freshman in a new school, new environment....JMHO....

The occasional favor is one thing. But when it happens all the time, the kid isn't even grateful anymore, it just becomes part of mom's job. How many kids say "thanks mom for teaching me manners, feeding me, buying my clothes, giving me a place to live, etc. " They only realize to be grateful when they don't have that anymore or start doing it for their own kids.

 

[vraiblonde]

Like Kwill said. I want her to learn good habits and she's obviously not going to do that until she LEARNS them instead of having her sucker Mommy bail her out. I have this vision of her flunking out of college because she can't remember to take her books and stuff to class.

I was going to finish this post with "Stupid kid." But I guess she's not the stupid one, is she?

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Okay, I realize how lucky I am because this is the most pressing problem in my life right now. But I'd still like some input:

Our oldest daughter is a Sr. this year. For the last 3 years, I've been to the school at least once a week because she forgot her lunch, her books, her whatever and I, because , I'm a bad Mom would take it to her.

Today, the 4th day of her Sr. year, she left her Calc book sitting on the breakfast table. She called and asked if I'd bring it when I went in to work. I, because I'm a bad Mom, did so. When I walked in the office, the secretary looked at me and said, "Another school year begins." That's how bad it is.

So you all talk some sense into me and tell me to quit running errands for this child! I know that I'm teaching her a bad habit. I know she should be responsible for herself. I know that I should let her sink or swim. What's going to happen when she's at college next year with no bad Mommy to bring her her stuff?

I'm a sucker!!!!!!!

Everyone else has covered Dr. Laura's answers here. I'd like to look at this from Dr. Phil's perspective....

Why do you keep repeating that you're a bad Mom? You didn't say it once you said it three times!

Joking or not, you are being to hard on yourself! The only thing you need to worry about with your daughter is that at some point she will learn the hard way. *We all do, so don't sweat it*

I have a feeling that the real issue here is about you. Seem's to me you need to demand more for yourself.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Kain99
I have a feeling that the real issue here is about you.

I strive for perfection - what can I say? Besides, it's Larry's job to count our blessings. Mine is to correct the flaws.

 

[SxyPrincess]

I wouldn't mind helping out here and there, but every week is a bit much. Your daughter is old enough that she should remember and if she doesn't, she's old enough to suffer the consequences. Eventually, she will learn.

Reminds me of an attorney I work with. She was so spoiled growing up, her parents put the down payment on her house, bought most of the furniture, and pay for her traveling expenses now. Oh, and she's in her mid-thirties.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Re: I disagree

Originally posted by Erin
It's a great feeling to know you can Always rely on someon, that unconditional love.

In the real world there aren't always people to rely on...

I say she cut the strings and make daughter be responsible. If the forgetting was a once in a while occurence it would be different, but this is happening regularly.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by SxyPrincess
I wouldn't mind helping out here and there, but every week is a bit much. Your daughter is old enough that she should remember and if she doesn't, she's old enough to suffer the consequences. Eventually, she will learn.

Reminds me of an attorney I work with. She was so spoiled growing up, her parents put the down payment on her house, bought most of the furniture, and pay for her traveling expenses now. Oh, and she's in her mid-thirties.

Is she married?