Paging Dr. Laura

[vraiblonde]

He ditched it. He was going to post that she's a good kid (which she is) and she always manages to land on her feet (which she does). So he doesn't see the big deal about taking her stuff to her when she forgets.

But I've already confessed my sins and am ready to repent. Larry can tote and fetch for her all he wants. I refuse to and you all have strengthened my resolve.

 

[SxyPrincess]

Originally posted by dpete2q
Is she married?

Yep...been with her husband for about 10 years.

 

[pixiegirl]

here ya go vrai

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
here ya go vrai

Thanks Pix! This is me:

Redefine what taking care of your children means.

 

[Mountain MaMa]

You know what you need to do. Look what catering to Russ did.. Remember??

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Mountain MaMa
Remember??

All too well. Ya live and learn, eh? This is like when Doug was little and drove me crazy until you all smacked me upside the head.

 

[Ken King]

Is it a problem that she forgets or a problem that you take up her slack?

If she is forgetful, helpful reminders like a checklist might help.

If it's because you take up her slack, just quit doing it. Let her suffer once or twice and she'll probably straighten out.

 

[Dymphna]

Hey vrai, here is an excerpt from a live chat from last Tues. on washingtonpost.com, that addresses your problem. "Evelyn" is an educator and "Marla" makes money telling people how the get organized.

link

Denver, Colo.: I have 3 boys. the 6th grader has a hard time being responsible for his school work. They have only been back in school 4 days and this morning he gave me a 'blue slip'; which is a note from the teacher stating an assignment wasn't turned in. usually this is an automatic failing grade, sometimes they can make it up for 50% of actual grade. He said he 'forgot' his book. i am trying to work with him on a control journal One of Marla's ideas for organizing, basicly a checklist but i just can't seem to motivate him to be self responsible. any ideas?

Evelyn Vuko : Did you ask him what he is going to do about this "blue slip?" Why did he hand it to you? Do not allow him to transfer the blame. He is old enough now to take responsiblity for forgetting a book. Discuss the plans he has for assuring this won't happen again and tell him you will be happy to support him in any way you can.

Marla Cilley, FlyLady: This is so good. It is his job to go to school and learn to accept responsibilities for his actions. Maybe a bad grade is his choice. He may have to get one to realize he doesn't want another one.

x

 

[vraiblonde]

C, you're awesome! There was a LOT in that chat that pertained to me and the girls. I'm getting her book! Thank you!

 

[crabcake]

I'll be the voice of unreason here.

Vrai -- you are only going to have your kids once. And God forbid, if something ever happened to them, would you look back at this time and regret not doing that one more thing for them, or would you be thankful for the five extra minutes that you got to see her by dropping off her book.

You only get your babies once. Love them up while you can!

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
C, you're awesome! There was a LOT in that chat that pertained to me and the girls. I'm getting her book! Thank you!

I checked her book out at the library. Do that. It's not really worth buying b/c all of the info is on her website if you ever want to refer to anything again.

Of course, if it's anything like the So Md libraries it'll take 6 weeks to get the book b/c everyone has reserved it and they only have one copy per location.

 

[Sharon]

Originally posted by kwillia
Get a grip!

That and the unconditional love comment - what a crock of

I do love my kids (and they know it). I would do almost anything to see that they succeed in this world. Teaching them responsibility for their actions is a top priority.

Kiss their boo-boo's, not their azz.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Sharon
I do love my kids (and they know it). I would do almost anything to see that they succeed in this world. Teaching them responsibility for their actions is a top priority.

Kiss their boo-boo's, not their azz.

Agreed! My Mom and Dad have always done this, and I've turned out to be a very responsible young lady.

 

[crabcake]

I wasn't implying to spoil them rotten. I just get all :cry: when I hear the stories about people who've lost their children, and they always say that stuff. "If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have yelled so much; taken them to the park more often, etc."

I just didn't want her to beat herself up so much for it.

 

[Mountain MaMa]

IMO it is a parents responsibility to teach their children how to be responsible for their own actions. If you bail them out all the time how are they gonna learn to take care of themselves? Doesn't mean you don't love them, just the opposite, you love them enough to teach them how to grow up and be responsible adults..

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Mountain MaMa
IMO it is a parents responsibility to teach their children how to be responsible for their own actions. If you bail them out all the time how are they gonna learn to take care of themselves? Doesn't mean you don't love them, just the opposite, you love them enough to teach them how to grow up and be responsible adults..

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by crabcake
I wasn't implying to spoil them rotten. I just get all :cry: when I hear the stories about people who've lost their children, and they always say that stuff. "If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have yelled so much; taken them to the park more often, etc."

I just didn't want her to beat herself up so much for it.

Yeah, but since they were caring parents in the first place, they did disipline them. And they did try to teach them hard lessons, because most kids DO grow up to be adults and as such, need to know that Mommy's not always going to take care of them and they'll be wishing for those hard lessons if they didn't get them.

How 'bout those parents of hard core criminals or indebted losers who are wishing they'd taught their kids more responsibility instead of coddling them?

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Sharon
Kiss their boo-boo's, not their azz.

That's going to be my new mantra.

Crabcake, they're not babies. They're teenagers. I'm not planning for them to die - I'm planning for them to become responsible adults.

I just want you all to know that this little pep talk has done me some good. This morning, the diva said she had a headache and didn't feel good, obviously bucking to stay home. She's an honor student and grades aren't a problem so, normally, I'd have said, "Okay." Instead, this morning I said, "If you stay home from school you're not going to work tonight." And suddenly she felt much better.

I feel like a light has broken through the darkness.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Crabcake, they're not babies. They're teenagers. I'm not planning for them to die - I'm planning for them to become responsible adults.

:shrug: somebody had to be the voice of opposition.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
This morning, the diva said she had a headache and didn't feel good, obviously bucking to stay home. She's an honor student and grades aren't a problem so, normally, I'd have said, "Okay." Instead, this morning I said, "If you stay home from school you're not going to work tonight." And suddenly she felt much better.

Good approach, Vrai!! I used to pull that trick all the time, but my parents always gave me the response you used this morning...I always got well quick .