Parent rant tread...

[Larry Gude]

Larry, you ingrate, do you feel guilty enough or are you thirsty for more?

Again, I think it is wonderful folks who miss theirs and/or get along well and there is genuine interest, affection and all of that. That's the way it is supposed to be. That said, for folks to take the zero sum approach, every parent is wonderful and you either appreciate it or are an ingrate, while charming, is also silly.

I think it is good for me to hear folks who miss theirs and to reflect on it but, it's not like I haven't thought about that a time or 2,000.

 

[MMDad]

I get it Larry. I used to have the same issue, but it got so bad that I didn't speak to him for 10 years. He still tries to control my brothers, but he doesn't do it to me. But he lives in Utah so he doesn't really have opportunities to be controlling.

 

[Bann]

Larry, I do empathize, I really do. (I've avoided posting just so as not to pile on - but then you said you also don't mind reading others' thoughts on it)

My mom did that - drove me batsh*t c-r-a-z-y her last year and a half. (My sister had died, also) I was the primary caregiver for her and it was really tough. Our roles became reversed, through no fault of my own. Well, I guess it was my fault, as I ultimately didn't *have to take it all on. (yeah, I did. It's how I was raised) Anyhoo, I always felt she resented *me because of the situation she was in. I was a single mom with 2 kids, one is an adult with disabilities. Woe is me. :shrug:

I've lost a sister, a mom and my dad. (though, sister & dad didn't drive me crazy) It's just me & my brother left. I wish my parents (and my sister) were still around. It feels tougher missing them now than it was when they were here.

 

[vraiblonde]

I get it Larry. I used to have the same issue, but it got so bad that I didn't speak to him for 10 years. He still tries to control my brothers, but he doesn't do it to me. But he lives in Utah so he doesn't really have opportunities to be controlling.

No, this is not even close to the same thing.

Larry is just complaining out of frustration. He doesn't really dislike his dad, nor is Pop this controlling ogre. There are a number of irritation factors involved but, unless something has changed in the last couple of years, there is absolutely affection and love there, and Larry is just venting.

I wasn't going to say anything; Larry can perpetuate his own thread. But in fairness to Pop I feel the need to clear up any misconceptions. This is not a bad person, it's just normal father/son friction with hilarious! stories when Larry isn't actively banging his head.

 

[luvmygdaughters]

Larry,
I'm sure you were a perfect child who never drove your parents crazy with lunatic actions, dumba$$ questions, asinine stunts, etc. Patience goes along way. When my parents were alive and trying to learn the basics of using computer, my mother would call me at least once a week, "Can you drive down here when you get home from work? Your Dad isn't quite sure how to work the email or send a message, or open an attachment, etc." Sure, it was a PIA, but, I'm sure all those mornings when it was freezing outside, my Dad thought it was a pain to get up, start a van that would more than likely breakdown on the way to work just to keep a roof over mine and my sisters head. I'm sure it was a pain when, after my husband left, leaving the care of our two small daughters to me solely, my father would come over on the weekends, fix things around the house for me, change my tire when it was flat, drive over to give me a jump start. I'm not saying you don't have the right to get frustrated, but, believe it or not, there will come a time when you wished he was here to ask you a thousand questions.

 

[SamSpade]

Thanks for listening.

Could be worse - not my parents but I know all kinds of experts at my workplace that ask questions for one and only one obvious reason - to make you feel VERY stupid for having the problem. I'm thinking of one in particular who is regarded the *expert* in a given area. I had a problem with an application I was writing where the developer tool would *always* substitute nulls for spaces, and we had a constraint on the database forbidding the entry of nulls.

He went off on me about how stupid it was - and then went to my BOSS to explain how stupid I was - until I re-wrote the code to make it LOOK like the user was entering spaces, but they weren't doing any such thing - thus solving the problem.

But - I feel for your dad. I've done way too many favors for people, only for them to just lose it because I didn't "do it right". It leads me to two possibilities - learn EVERYTHING up front - or say, sorry, I'm too busy.