Pros and cons

[ZARA]

We were living 3000 miles away from all family. Support system is a huge thing, and I'm not talking financial support. People really take this for granted. More and more people are moving for work, and it does change societal norms.

Beliefs also differ. Glad to her that things worked out well for you

Those three things are the hardest.
Lack of family.
Lack of support group (no one to depend on in times of .)
And not being prepared for life's upper cuts. nomoney

For a while I was a single mom. I HAVE NO FAMILY. I have me. I didn't plan on being a single mom. I didn't plan on a lot of things. But the bad kept coming. I worked two jobs just to pay my bills (17 to 18 hrs a day). I slept when I could which was about 4 hrs a day if that because I had to watch my son. I feel very bad for that time because I had to work so much and my son was neglected. I did not have a choice.

I lost the first custody battle. And I will always remember the reason why, the Judges words, and the sound of his voice for the rest of my life.
"This is never an easy decision to make. You are obviously a loving mother but you do not have the family support you need to raise a child." I have no idea what he said after that. I died right then.

I wallowed in grief for about a month. Then I got good and enraged. I studied Texas Family law for six months. Then wrote my own Order for Modification, filed, and took my ex back to court. I walked out with full custody. And the last set of words the Judge said, "Some times I make mistakes."

There is NOTHING easy about being a Good parent.

 

[KDENISE977]

For myself, I don't agree with this. I wanted to have my children grown before I was too old! Imagine having a teenager when you're in your 50's or 60's!

Oh, and are you me???? Our son will be 30 in December and our daughter will be 26 in July! I never realized we were so close on the child front!!

If you want children and wait until you're financially ready, you'll never have them! Words of experience!!

We started with a cat a couple of months after we got married. That was fun, but we found ourselves wanting something more. It worked out fine for us. 31 years later, our "babies" are raised and starting their own families. The cat was a good start, but nowhere near as satisfying as the "real thing."

I'm 35 and my son is 2. We are financially stable and can afford his wants and needs and provide for him. I married my husband first and we planned for the baby. I think if it would have happened in my earlier 20s in would not have been as prepared mentally or financially. You're a different person when you're that young. Take time. Enjoy your life and Your partner first.

 

[xobxdoc]

Of having kids.

A lot of the girls I went to high school with had kids in school or they are working on their litter now. I kinda feel like left out now because they all have their baby click and I'm over here with a beer in a bar lmao lol so what are some pros and cons to having kids? I've been using BC and not having money as a good plan not to have kids. Lol


*i have a job just have bills incase someone is like why don't you have money*

My wishlist adjusted to include my son the moment I set eyes on him. That's just me. The ex didn't feel that way. If you have a drinking problem, take care of that first.
There is no perfect time or set dollar amount saved to have children.

 

[Kris10]

Kris raised a REALLY Good point. "Enjoy your husband."

We tend to forget this but the Husbands go through A LOT when their wives give birth and the husbands do get severely neglected for the following 2-3 yrs.

That is extremely wonderful advice Kris. Thank you.

Get married and enjoy being a couple for a few years...or 8 years.

I think a lot of women forget about that very important part.

 

[libertytyranny]

My daughter was a complete and total accident. Wasn't in my plans or horizon at all...and I think that was the best thing for me.

If I had waited for everything to be perfect..perfect money, perfect age, perfect spot in my career, perfect life..It would have never had happened because nothing is ever perfect. Im young but I manage and I think we are doing lovely! Shes my best buddy and I think about raising her as a self sufficient, intelligent adult everyday. I am lucky and have family and she has an excellent father, so I am still able to do a lot of things that I want to do as a young person and still give my daughter everything she needs and wants..she has a ton of people that love her and her life is going to be as fantastic as I can possibly manage.

 

[Bann]

PRO: Babies are sweet and if you do it right and don't kill them when they're teenagers you'll have some pretty decent adults that you can say you made.

CON: Labor and delivery is the most trivial pain your children will cause you.

True, true, true and more true!!!!!

 

[Bann]

Me and man friend have brought this up. I Definitely want to wait until I'm a little older and have some money saved up. That. Terrifies me more than anything is not having the money to take care of my child. I do not want to be like one of those people that are on welfare programs.

Being financially ready or at least with no outstanding bills is a big plus!

It would help if you give your child a dedicted father too so be choosy about your sperm donor...

This is the most important bit of info!! Choose your baby's father wisely!!!!! (I've actually told Thing2 to choose his future baby's mom wisely)

I'll let you borrow a surly teen ager for a couple of weeks

Ooh, ooh!! Pick mine, pick mine! We could take turns.

Thank you, Kris. I'd never read that before but it's nice to know someone besides me was a neurotic who took her job as parent very seriously.

Any pain a woman has ever felt is nothing compared to the agony she feels when her child hurts. You will never be so in control and terrified at the same time. So intelligent and so insecure. So wise and so stupid. The epiphany is when your daughter becomes a beautiful teenage pre-woman, and you pass the torch. When your son becomes a man.

My daughter is 26 and my son 30, and they are so much more on the ball than I was at that age, and I seriously pat myself on the back because I know I gave that to them. Like Larry said, there is nothing you will ever do in your life that is as important as successfully raising the next generation. But it's painful and a job, and I don't blame women who choose not to do it one little bit.

I've never read that piece before, either. It is very profound and oh, so true.

afjess: the legacy you leave in the way you raise your kids is worth being totally ready to take that responsibility on.

 

[Bann]

For myself, I don't agree with this. I wanted to have my children grown before I was too old! Imagine having a teenager when you're in your 50's or 60's!

Hey! Thing2 is 17 and I'm 54! I haven't ever felt OLD, but this year has been a true test. I love him, he's always been a GREAT kid, but this was our most challenging year. A real roller coaster. I wanted to kill him a couple of times, and at other times, wanted to pick him up off the emotional ground when he fell. Literally. He has had a lot of tests himself and he's come through them.

He'll be a senior this year and we've begun that "separation" process. It is at the same time very rewarding knowing I will have a really great adult person to send off into the world, and very emotionally gut wrenching knowing I have to let him go.

However, I will say I am looking forward to more free time and more me time!