"Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a knickknack paddy-whack."
“We’ll get back to our Christmas documentary on eggs Benedict served on hubcaps, “There’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise”, right after this!
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer, dead at 53. I know, it is sad. Over Barcelona, today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report that the Reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.""
Also the one about the monks selling flowers at the Playboy Mansion, where Hugh Hefner had to stop them. Said one of the monks, "well, if it was anyone else, we would've gotten away with it, but apparently, only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."