Question for the men...

[CityGrl]

Ok guys, a serious question for the men:

My girlfriend (note: this is NOT me) has placed her profile on eHarmony. At first, she didn't include her picture. She ended up meeting a guy on there and they exchanged emails. He asked for her picture and she sent it to him, never to be heard from again.

Now, please note: my friend is rather large (not huge, but overweight). Since then, she has posted her picture on eHarmony so that "everything" is out there in public. The thing is, she's a really great woman with a beautiful smile and good personality. She's in her mid-30s and is looking for a man to settle down with.

Here's my question: are men (even in their mid-30s) so superficial that looks mean EVERYTHING? You figure that single men in their 30s are probably looking for the same thing as my friend (commitment, settling down) and realize that the choices are thinning out (choice word, huh? ) as they get older. I'm not saying that the guy has to settle on a "fatty," but why not give someone like my friend a "second glance" before passing her up just because she is overweight?

Am I way off here? Are guys really only focused on looks? Maybe I'm too naive...

 

[BuddyLee]

This sounds like a job for DoWhat and DoWhat alone.

 

[K_Jo]

This sounds like a job for DoWhat and DoWhat alone.

 

[CityGrl]

This sounds like a job for DoWhat and DoWhat alone.

BL, your opinion is not valid based solely on your age.

 

[BuddyLee]

BL, your opinion is not valid based solely on your age.

That's why I heaved it all towards DoWhat.

 

[Otter]

She shouldn't worry about it, anyone that would end communication because of looks isn't worth knowing. She found out quick that he wasn't worth it. It works both ways, some women are just as focused on looks.

 

[Mikeinsmd]

Ok guys, a serious question for the men:

Here's my question: are men (even in their mid-30s) so superficial that looks mean EVERYTHING?

Are guys really only focused on looks? Maybe I'm too naive...

Yes. But we don't want an airhead or a prima donna either....

 

[K_Jo]

She shouldn't worry about it, anyone that would end communication because of looks isn't worth knowing. She found out quick that he wasn't worth it. It works both ways, some women are just as focused on looks.

You sweet, sensitive little rodent.

 

[migtig]

I'm not a man but here's my take - there has to be some kind of physical attraction for everything to click into place. If you don't find the person pleasing to you visually / physically then anything more than casual emails is a foolish fantasy. Tell her not to give up hope, that there are plenty of folks out there who will be attracted to her, and those will be the ones that she will have a better chance of getting to know for the long term. However, also remember, nobody is desperate and nobody can force themselves to be attracted to someone their not just because they want a relationship. If they did, they would just be lying to themselves and their partner and the relationship would sour anyway. JMO

 

[czygvtwkr]

Might not be the place to look for a threesome.

 

[CityGrl]

Interesting responses...keep 'em coming!

 

[CityGrl]

On a completely different note, it's amazing how different the online dating world is. You can be talking to someone and then BAM! it's over.

 

[jazz lady]

She shouldn't worry about it, anyone that would end communication because of looks isn't worth knowing. She found out quick that he wasn't worth it. It works both ways, some women are just as focused on looks.

I just fell in love with you all over again.

 

[virgovictoria]

She shouldn't worry about it, anyone that would end communication because of looks isn't worth knowing. She found out quick that he wasn't worth it. It works both ways, some women are just as focused on looks.

 

[Kizzy]

On a completely different note, it's amazing how different the online dating world is. You can be talking to someone and then BAM! it's over.

Or never meet them and BAM, your a stalker.


Otter Nice post!

 

[CityGrl]

Or never meet them and BAM, your a stalker.


Otter Nice post!

Why is it this immediately reminds me of "I don't want relationship, I just want..."

 

[brownjunk]

I met my wife online in '97 sight unseen. We talked for awhile then met for a date.

We just had our 7th anniversary, and have two kids.

We both took a chance, but if we hadn't we might have never found the right person.

There are guys out there, and your friend should be happy she has weeded out the jack*ss now instead of when she is emotionally involved.

 

[morganj614]

There has to be an emotional bond as well as a physical attraction. If you don't find someone as pleasing to the eye as to the brain then it is hopeless. Even though, there are instances where the mental thing makes the physical thing not as important.
I have to say she needed to put her picture right out there. I would be very wary of someone who sees what I look like but won't let me see them. That would seem like they were hiding something.
The E-Harmony commercials make it sound like they hook people up on all levels of compatibility and she needs to get her picture and herself out there.

 

[CityGrl]

I met my wife online in '97 sight unseen. We talked for awhile then met for a date.

We just had our 7th anniversary, and have two kids.

We both took a chance, but if we hadn't we might have never found the right person.

There are guys out there, and your friend should be happy she has weeded out the jack*ss now instead of when she is emotionally involved.

 

[CityGrl]

There has to be an emotional bond as well as a physical attraction. If you don't find someone as pleasing to the eye as to the brain then it is hopeless. Even though, there are instances where the mental thing makes the physical thing not as important.
I have to say she needed to put her picture right out there. I would be very wary of someone who sees what I look like but won't let me see them. That would seem like they were hiding something.
The E-Harmony commercials make it sound like they hook people up on all levels of compatibility and she needs to get her picture and herself out there.

I agree...I've used the dating websites (including eHarmony) and feel the only way to utilize those sites fully is to put your "whole self" out there and not hold anything back. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time and your $$$.